Welcome Recovery area for social chit chat. Grab a coffee and pull up a chair.

[Shady's Fox]

Coffee St? Nmmmm.. hang with people to experience same vibes and moods.. may I come in to Say is unhealthy. Life is this .. small useless thing sych as sleeping

I agree. Ever since my psychosis a few years ago, I lost my job after a few months, moved to a different state and just started isolating a lot. I usually stick to myself, but this is a deeper isolation.

A large part of me craves getting back a normal 9-5 life, social circle, all that. But another part of me questions how well I would fit into that. Just self doubt, I know the answer is I would fit fine. I just overthink shit.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

I know the answer is I would fit fine

Then again maybe you wont.
What I mean to say is; over the years I have strove and attained what I thought would be an ideal situation for me to thrive. Still looking, brother. In some form or fashion every time I "infiltrate" a promising (for me) environ it isn't long before I move on. I highly doubt I am special and this is exclusive to me.
Again... still looking.
It has recently come to my attention that there is no being happy in the world the way it is with all its distractions and confusions. The only thing that provides relief from the constant assault on my being is within my "home" and knowing that all therin are safe, fed and relatively healthy. I know I have said all this before but it is my truth.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

It has recently come to my attention that there is no being happy in the world the way it is with all its distractions and confusions. The only thing that provides relief from the constant assault on my being is within my "home" and knowing that all therin are safe, fed and relatively healthy. I know I have said all this before but it is my truth.

very relatable, man, I think we're on some similar vibe wavelengths

even though I prefer to be solitary, I still crave social situations, I still love to experience nature, I still love to learn and explore the world. Social situations and parties aren't always the most enjoyable thing for me but they are a major benefit to my life. I guess just like certain healthy foods we don't like are ultimately the best for us? idk

 

[Snafu in the Void]

useless thing sych as sleeping

I used to think that way

but now sleep is very important, I'm not 18 anymore

I feel very off in a bad way and have internal hallucinations like music when I don't sleep.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

hang with people to experience same vibes and moods.. may I come in to Say is unhealthy

Life is this .. small useless thing sych as sleeping

If I am not mistaken I think shady is alluding to the small things in life that matter. The ones we think we do not need and are "useless". I read into stuff what I wanna sometimes so maybe the shadester will correct me if I am amiss.
And the first quote I take to mean that trying to become through emulation and a "rubbing off on" (as opposed to rubbing one off) is unhealthy.
I am probably wrong about both....

even though I prefer to be solitary, I still crave social situations

The same here. I consider my self an antisocial socialite however that works. lol
And yes I agree we have common ground as I have this thing in my head that we all connect more than we think we are just separated with all the bullshit that is spewed to keep us apart: Divide and conquor.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Only slept 2 hours last night and had a very emotionally draining dream

I was hired to act in the Harry Potter movies. I was cast as Harry Potter himself, the main character. But they never put any makeup or costumes on me. I started acting out the movies and noticed everyone seemed weird and indifferent to me like I wasn't supposed to be there. I noticed my bank account was still empty and they weren't paying me anything. Nobody had an answer for me. I became confused. I started feeling more and more out of place. People wouldn't talk to me and I noticed I started hallucinating and going into psychosis as I became increasingly dumbfounded and frustrated by the situation. When we were done filming we went down to the beach to get onto these boats to go back home. I was alienated from the other actors and somehow I got lost and ended up on the wrong boat which took me to Costa Rica instead of home. When we got there I tried to explain that I was lost but the border guards arrested me, took my phone and my wallet. They started going through my phone looking for evidence or something. They strip searched me. They didn't find anything but through me in jail anyways, then I woke up.

sometimes I hate dreams, I never seem to have any good ones anymore, but they are always full of symbolism and concurrent to my life and thoughts

Man, I have felt exactly like your Harry Potter character felt but IRL. Not saying you haven't also felt that way IRL but your dream just feels familiar to me.

I remember way back in 2003/2004 when I was just starting to show signs of mental illness but had no idea I was at the beginning stages of psychosis or what psychosis even was. One time I went out with a very small group of friends, all coworkers, like 3 of them. We went to a bar and unbeknownst to me, they had decided to meet up with like 10 other people I did not know. I absolutely hate social situations where I'm around a bunch of people I don't know, even to this day. We were all sitting around this huge round table and I felt they were all speaking in code and laughing at me for not being able to decipher what the fuck they were talking about. I did the old, "I'm going to the bathroom" bit and snuck out of the bar and walked like 5 miles to get home.

 

[floatingaround]

Im taking a break from everything. I started with a new company recently and alot of the guys are clean and are sponsors in NA/AA.

I had a chat with a young bloke today, he's 19. Been clean from everything for 18 months this weekend. Moved from qld to Sydney to start a new life, completely turned it around. I had a good chat with him today. He inspires me greatly.

My boss is also a sponsor for AA. He's been clean 14 years. It's soo encouraging to be around folks who are clean, the support is unreal. I told my boss and the young bloke that I've struggled with weed for a decade and I'm 4 days off it (writing that out sounds so petty compared to other drug addictions but its huge for me) and they reached out and said they're always there to talk.

I'm considering going to a meeting myself. Just to have an ongoing support network. I think it would really help solidify that I don't have too many options but to live a sober life if I want to live healthy and be the best father for my kids.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

be the best father for my kids.

Whatever it takes, yes?
I never had children but when it comes to my people there are no limits I would go to be there and have them fed, happy (at least a smile or two here and there) and safe.
Anon has some very helpful options and although I didnt find my strength there it is as always... regardless of the source, we get what we put in. We can learn "truth" from "lies" if this is what we are looking for, IMO/E. I was court ordered a few times so my mind really wasnt trying glean anything that would help steady my wayward ways.
How old are the youngins and are you the sole parent?
Best