License-to-chill
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2017
- Messages
- 1
Hi bluelight folks, i've been lurking into this forum for a couple months h9wand found a lot of interesting information, so thought i should share my story and hope that it could help some other people.
(Sorry in advance about my English, it's not my first language)
Background:
I've abused MDMA quite a bit between November and the end of last year. (like rolled 6 times in 8 weeks - doses were never particularly high, between half pill and a pill and a half maximum)
In early January, i've tried some kind of Meth powder when traveling abroad with friends and had a quite bad experience. (which i guess was the trigger for what's coming next)
Late that night i couldn't sleep... my heart was racing, i felt like i could die in my hotel room, restless walking left and right, etc. But the day after that, i was feeling quite okay (except tired) so i didn't really pay much attention to that, just decided that i wouldn't ever touch Meth again.
Back home, a couple weeks later... i did half a pill, which usually would make me feel amazing... but this time, i felt it was "building up" but never really got me there.
The pill was from the same source as usual, so i knew it was something about me.
I'm no expert, but i had the clear impression that i had depleted my brain out of Serotonin and i needed to take a long break from this kind of substances.
After that, i had a quite rough and long comedown, bad mood, low energy/motivation, but i didn't pay much attention to it once again, thought it would just go away in a few days, i just had to hang in there a little more.
How the gates of hell were open:
2 weeks after: I went for a date on a weekday and we ended drinking a lot of wine, a bit more than 1 bottle each.
I came home, drank some water (didn't eat at all after the drinks) and just went to bed. (i didn't touch any kind of substances that night other than alcohol)
It was about 04:00 AM, i woke up feeling a huge adrenaline rush all over my body, my heart was racing and pumping so strong it felt like it could just explode.
Together with that, a very strong feeling that i should just get off my bed and leave. It was an extreme restlessness, together with thoughts of "am i having a heart attack?".
I went for a walk in the streets, thinking that breathing some fresh air could help me (i was feeling shortness of breath and sweating), but i was having all kinds of terrible thoughts in my mind, like i should avoid walking through places that people would take too long to find me if i just collapsed.
The next week... i had daily episodes like this, most of the time in the evening when i was trying to sleep, but a few occasional ones in different times.
I visited a doctor once , he asked me a lot of questions and requested a blood test. I received the blood test results via e-mail and the all the numbers looked good, so i just ignored and tried to convince myself that it wasn't anything too serious.
The week after that, i was feeling miserable, these episodes (panic attacks?) were happening way too often and i wasn't sleeping at night.
I wasn't sure if i was about to die of a heart failure, i felt so weak after each of these episodes, and they would get more and more scary everytime, my vision would blur, my chest feeling so tight, strong pain in the neck/shoulders, difficult breathing....
So i went back to the doctor during one of these nights (at about 5:00 AM) where i was sure i was about to die of a heart attack. He measured my blood pressure (which was really high, as expected!) and heard me talking about all my symptoms.
He asked me a few things about my personal life and drug usage, and said it was quite clear to him that i was having Anxiety issues, and that there was nothing was wrong with my body. He recommended me visiting a specialist doctor and to consider lifestyle changes.
I tried to ask him for something to help me sleep, as i couldn't sleep properly for weeks... and he refused :D
After that i went home and started my research about Anxiety, which led me to read more about Panic attacks aswell, and damn.... that matched really well everything i was going through. I didn't want to go to a Psychiatrist and was really scared of being put into depression medications that would make me dependent, so i came up with my own recovery plan (after reading a lot on bluelight about other people's experiences and recoveries):
My Recovery plan:
- Avoid alcohol as much as possible
- Cut all caffeine
- Quit smoking tobacco
- Eat healthy (no refined sugar at all - add a lot of fibers, greens and fruits)
- Workout 6 times a week
- Walk at least 10km a day (tracked by my iPhone activity app
)
- Supplement with: Vitamin C (1g/day), multi-vitamin, fish oil (2g/day), 5htp (400-600mg/day)
- Avoid people, places and situations that would cause me any stress or negative feelings
- Avoid clubbing
How it went:
With deep breathing and focus i learned how to defuse my panic attacks before they fully escalated - after i convinced myself that my heart wasn't about to collapse it helped a lot.
In the beginning it would work 50% of the times, but with the time i got better and better at it.
I still felt all kind of weird symptoms, from having trouble breathing, to having multiple adrenaline dumps in the span of a few minutes, to having a numb left hand and leg, chest tightness, plenty of very bad days, poor sleep, low motivation.... But hey, it's been like 7 or 8 weeks now, and i'm feeling better and better every week.
Right now, it's been about 2 weeks since i had a full blown Panic attack! I still had some anxiety episodes, but very mild compared to what i was experiencing before.
Some days i feel 100% fine and perfect, which is very motivating. But in the day after i may have some symptoms again, but nothing too bad.
Sometimes i feel like there is a balloon filling up with air inside my head, it's very difficult to explain, these started in the last few weeks as i was getting better, but now i notice that this feeling is also easing and disappearing.
My sleep is getting better and better, my performance in the gym is also getting better.
All in all, i am feeling very positive and that i'm in the right track on recovering my brain! I'm still not 100%, but i already feel grateful to be where i am
These weeks have been tough, for sure the worst period in my life ever!
But it also taught me a lot about myself... What i should value in my life and what only brings me negativity.
I know everyone's brain works in a different way, but here are a couple tips for anyone going through anxiety/panic issues and trying to recover:
- Surround yourself with positive people who will cheer you up, stay away from anyone who will put you in uncomfortable spots (some people love that, don't they?)
- Be aware that you are ultimately in charge of your brain, even if there's an imbalance in it's chemistry... If you keep thinking negative things, it will keep you in a downward spiral. Make an effort to be positive if you want to be brought up!
- Keep yourself busy, try different things (me for example, i've been playing Pool often with friends! instead of inviting them for a drink, i invite them to play Pool, it's relaxing and a great focus exercise)
- Exercise (even long walks can be great!)
- Avoid refined sugar
- Avoid caffeine
- Buy Fish oil, Vitamin C and a good multi-vitamin
I know it's a damn long wall of text, but if anyone is having a hard time with Anxiety/Panic, feel free to reach out to me.
I'm more than willing to help and share more about what's been making me feel better.
At one point i felt like i hit the rock bottom and that i would never be able to climb up again, but hey... there's always a way up, our brain is a lot more powerful and adaptive than we usually give it credit for... Just give it the right stimulus and keep pushing and slowly but surely you'll start to see improvements!
Any members also feel free to ask any questions!
(Sorry in advance about my English, it's not my first language)
Background:
I've abused MDMA quite a bit between November and the end of last year. (like rolled 6 times in 8 weeks - doses were never particularly high, between half pill and a pill and a half maximum)
In early January, i've tried some kind of Meth powder when traveling abroad with friends and had a quite bad experience. (which i guess was the trigger for what's coming next)
Late that night i couldn't sleep... my heart was racing, i felt like i could die in my hotel room, restless walking left and right, etc. But the day after that, i was feeling quite okay (except tired) so i didn't really pay much attention to that, just decided that i wouldn't ever touch Meth again.
Back home, a couple weeks later... i did half a pill, which usually would make me feel amazing... but this time, i felt it was "building up" but never really got me there.
The pill was from the same source as usual, so i knew it was something about me.
I'm no expert, but i had the clear impression that i had depleted my brain out of Serotonin and i needed to take a long break from this kind of substances.
After that, i had a quite rough and long comedown, bad mood, low energy/motivation, but i didn't pay much attention to it once again, thought it would just go away in a few days, i just had to hang in there a little more.
How the gates of hell were open:
2 weeks after: I went for a date on a weekday and we ended drinking a lot of wine, a bit more than 1 bottle each.
I came home, drank some water (didn't eat at all after the drinks) and just went to bed. (i didn't touch any kind of substances that night other than alcohol)
It was about 04:00 AM, i woke up feeling a huge adrenaline rush all over my body, my heart was racing and pumping so strong it felt like it could just explode.
Together with that, a very strong feeling that i should just get off my bed and leave. It was an extreme restlessness, together with thoughts of "am i having a heart attack?".
I went for a walk in the streets, thinking that breathing some fresh air could help me (i was feeling shortness of breath and sweating), but i was having all kinds of terrible thoughts in my mind, like i should avoid walking through places that people would take too long to find me if i just collapsed.
The next week... i had daily episodes like this, most of the time in the evening when i was trying to sleep, but a few occasional ones in different times.
I visited a doctor once , he asked me a lot of questions and requested a blood test. I received the blood test results via e-mail and the all the numbers looked good, so i just ignored and tried to convince myself that it wasn't anything too serious.
The week after that, i was feeling miserable, these episodes (panic attacks?) were happening way too often and i wasn't sleeping at night.
I wasn't sure if i was about to die of a heart failure, i felt so weak after each of these episodes, and they would get more and more scary everytime, my vision would blur, my chest feeling so tight, strong pain in the neck/shoulders, difficult breathing....
So i went back to the doctor during one of these nights (at about 5:00 AM) where i was sure i was about to die of a heart attack. He measured my blood pressure (which was really high, as expected!) and heard me talking about all my symptoms.
He asked me a few things about my personal life and drug usage, and said it was quite clear to him that i was having Anxiety issues, and that there was nothing was wrong with my body. He recommended me visiting a specialist doctor and to consider lifestyle changes.
I tried to ask him for something to help me sleep, as i couldn't sleep properly for weeks... and he refused :D
After that i went home and started my research about Anxiety, which led me to read more about Panic attacks aswell, and damn.... that matched really well everything i was going through. I didn't want to go to a Psychiatrist and was really scared of being put into depression medications that would make me dependent, so i came up with my own recovery plan (after reading a lot on bluelight about other people's experiences and recoveries):
My Recovery plan:
- Avoid alcohol as much as possible
- Cut all caffeine
- Quit smoking tobacco
- Eat healthy (no refined sugar at all - add a lot of fibers, greens and fruits)
- Workout 6 times a week
- Walk at least 10km a day (tracked by my iPhone activity app
)- Supplement with: Vitamin C (1g/day), multi-vitamin, fish oil (2g/day), 5htp (400-600mg/day)
- Avoid people, places and situations that would cause me any stress or negative feelings
- Avoid clubbing
How it went:
With deep breathing and focus i learned how to defuse my panic attacks before they fully escalated - after i convinced myself that my heart wasn't about to collapse it helped a lot.
In the beginning it would work 50% of the times, but with the time i got better and better at it.
I still felt all kind of weird symptoms, from having trouble breathing, to having multiple adrenaline dumps in the span of a few minutes, to having a numb left hand and leg, chest tightness, plenty of very bad days, poor sleep, low motivation.... But hey, it's been like 7 or 8 weeks now, and i'm feeling better and better every week.
Right now, it's been about 2 weeks since i had a full blown Panic attack! I still had some anxiety episodes, but very mild compared to what i was experiencing before.
Some days i feel 100% fine and perfect, which is very motivating. But in the day after i may have some symptoms again, but nothing too bad.
Sometimes i feel like there is a balloon filling up with air inside my head, it's very difficult to explain, these started in the last few weeks as i was getting better, but now i notice that this feeling is also easing and disappearing.
My sleep is getting better and better, my performance in the gym is also getting better.
All in all, i am feeling very positive and that i'm in the right track on recovering my brain! I'm still not 100%, but i already feel grateful to be where i am
These weeks have been tough, for sure the worst period in my life ever!
But it also taught me a lot about myself... What i should value in my life and what only brings me negativity.
I know everyone's brain works in a different way, but here are a couple tips for anyone going through anxiety/panic issues and trying to recover:
- Surround yourself with positive people who will cheer you up, stay away from anyone who will put you in uncomfortable spots (some people love that, don't they?)
- Be aware that you are ultimately in charge of your brain, even if there's an imbalance in it's chemistry... If you keep thinking negative things, it will keep you in a downward spiral. Make an effort to be positive if you want to be brought up!
- Keep yourself busy, try different things (me for example, i've been playing Pool often with friends! instead of inviting them for a drink, i invite them to play Pool, it's relaxing and a great focus exercise)
- Exercise (even long walks can be great!)
- Avoid refined sugar
- Avoid caffeine
- Buy Fish oil, Vitamin C and a good multi-vitamin
I know it's a damn long wall of text, but if anyone is having a hard time with Anxiety/Panic, feel free to reach out to me.
I'm more than willing to help and share more about what's been making me feel better.
At one point i felt like i hit the rock bottom and that i would never be able to climb up again, but hey... there's always a way up, our brain is a lot more powerful and adaptive than we usually give it credit for... Just give it the right stimulus and keep pushing and slowly but surely you'll start to see improvements!
Any members also feel free to ask any questions!