Recovering from LSD

[frankfurt]

I need advice!
On friday Jan 20 2017 I went out with my buddies to do a bit of day drinking. We drank from 9 am to about 2:00 pm. It was all fun and games them one of my so called buddies ask me if I wanted to buy some weed. Which I occasionally do. So I said sure so he calls up his friend which I've never met before and he brings it. Well this is where it all turned around after smoking it the following things I remember is passing up some store and then waking up at 4 am in the morning. Knowing myself I know I'm a very fit individual I stay envolved in competitive sports. And I know I did not consume enough alcohol to black out. Well come to find out the weed was laced with LSD and now I'm in a world of hurt. The days and weeks after have brought Anxeity, depression, loss of memory short term memory loss. Finding hard to contrate, empty thoughts. Loss of ability to day dream. I've never been out of it as much as this. And this is the second month. How much longer does it take to recover from such a drug? My doctor also gave me a RX for anxiety and depression but I stopped taking it because it didn't help any.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

LSD isn't smokable people don't lace weed with it. The heat would instantly destroy it even if it was there. If it was laced, it wasn't with LSD.

 

[angelfuck]

Hi guys, I recently too had a 'bad trip'. About a week ago, maybe over a week, my friend came over and asked if she could trip at my house. We have tripped together before and it was really nice so we thought my house would be a good place again. She took the tab around 4pm and was having a good time. I however, had things to do and didn't take it till about 8pm. So I didn't start tripping till 9oclock at night. I had school the next day but really didn't think of that. So 11 o'clock rolls around and my friend is tired and starting to come down. She tells me, "go to sleep we have school tomorrow, we have to wake up early stop talking..." etc etc. At this point I become really stressed, what if I can't sleep? What if I have to go to school on acid? I absolutely had to go to school the next day because I am in a para military program in high school and if I didn't wear my uniform tomorrow I couldn't wear it till Tuesday and I'd get points knocked off for each day I don't wear it (it was Wednesday night). So I lay down and try to sleep but I keep having horrible thoughts. I felt like my room wasn't mine, what was I doing here? I was analyzing my relationship with my family members, they're all sleeping and I'm in here doing drugs? My poor mom and dad work while I sit here and fuck off? I felt like a tweaker. Then my friend was texting me, he's a nice guy who I like very much. I started thinking about my relationship with him, how can he say he wants to date me? How would he think of me if he saw me like this? Could he see the 'real' me and like it? Then I begun thinking of myself. Basically I was having a bad time. 4am rolls around and I finally close my eyes without seeing shit. 5 am comes quick, time to wake up, I wake up and feel completely dead. My mind was so seperated from my body it felt like. I put on my uniform, go in the bathroom, remembering the previous night not being able to face any mirrors, wash my face and leave as quick as I can cause I don't want to look at myself. Get to school, feel dead as fuck. Felt nothing inside. Very few people there at this time. More people start coming, fuck they can read me like an open book, who are these people? They're characters in my story. Just make it till 5th period.... get inspected, then go home. First period. Teacher plays music every morning, should be enjoyable way to start the morning, right? No, I feel scared cause of the loud music. Oh great, we changed seats while I was absent the previous 2 days, looks like I have to talk to my teacher... I sit right at the front, amazing. I sit down and feel scared of the kids around me. They know something's wrong with me. I take out my work I did the day before and don't remember doing it for some reason, but I know I did it. Only missed a couple problems from the preptest. 2nd period history, talk about poverty, smaller class and light work load, just a discussion day. Felt better. 3rd period, felt fine just a bit hazy. 12 hour mark of tripping. I kept feeling like I would feel normal then I'd get a haze come over me and I'd feel it again. I couldn't write cause the words were wavy. My friend keeps talking to me. I write and look up at him cause I can't write anymore without wanting to cry, he tells me my pupils got huge. What do you know, I feel hazy again. I tell him what happened, he tells me his concern for me. Whatever. I feel empty inside, I can't process empathy. Then I start having bad thoughts again.. normal kids don't do acid on wednesday nights and go to school still tripping... I don't deserve this life when some kids would be so happy to have the opportunity for education.. some kids come to school after smoking weed, not on acid.. I don't deserve to be in this program.. (I was in my leadership class where we had to sign drug contracts). 4th period, juniors don't have to do the essay bc those of us in AP had to do two previous days of state testing. Sweet, free period. I get on the chrome book and play music. Oh god, not this station (the one I was playing while tripping). I play some old music I haven't heard for a while. Felt nice, senses fail, taking back Sunday, etc. lunch. I'm so fucking hungry. Didn't eat anything yesterday, but I brought fruit and water. I bought a sandwich and chips. 5th period, finally. I get inspected, tell them I need to leave. I sit in the office for 45 mins waiting for my mom to get me. The office people are mad saying I can't sit here for 45 mins. Too bad cause I am and I'm not going back to my class. My mom gets me, tell her I had a migraine, I go home and pass out. Slept till the next day. My mom brings me chicken soup thinking I had a cold, what a nice lady. She has no idea I'm doing drugs. Next day felt weird, just tired mostly. I can function without over thinking though. So fast forward to now. Every so often I look at the tile and it moves again. Curtains sway without any wind. Feels like acid. I have had no motivation, can't force myself to do any work, can't make myself go for a run or walk, been eating really poorly, feel like I'm depressed again. I don't know what to do. I've been sleeping so much. Finals are coming up for AP and I need to do work. I'm so sad. I feel like a disgrace. I feel like I have no control over my life. Acid made me reevaluate my whole life. I'm a jr in HS, I can't tell a therapist I'm depressed cause I did acid and had a bad time. I can't tell my parents. Help me, internet. Also before doing acid I would only smoke weed. I haven't smoked for 3 weeks. Acid made me straight edge. I need to detox and get my shit together or something. Give me advice please

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Well, it sounds like you figured it out; you're young and couldn't handle your drugs so you're going clean (acid on a school night? C'mon dude). Stay clean man it sounds like it's what you're cut out for (especially considering your youth and your membership in an ROTC program).

 

[JBrandon]

Here's some blanket advice :

Are you in high school? Don't do drugs!

Are you mentally unstable presently? Don't do drugs!

Have you just consumed drugs but for various reasons think you need to increase the dose? Don't do it! Wait for next time.

 

[kasparhauser]

Ugh yeah, getting stressed about day to day routine / work and sleep while you're still slightly tripping can lead to certain poor mental health symptoms: drug-induced psychosis and very unpleasant (but not permanent) problems with anxiety, insomnia and stress. Or more generally bad trips can lead to symptoms which resemble PTSD (i.e. Flashbacks to the acidic consciousness). I took maybe 4 to 6 months to feel normal again after taking LSD, and had to undergo therapy and temporarily drop out of university.

My advice to anyone going through this now is to remember that you're going to be fine. Don't take anything else and just do loads of muscle relaxation exercises / meditation regularly, particularly focus on slowing your breathing, or also maybe try eye movement techniques. Seek regularity in bedtime and morning routine and tell everyone what happened. No one will judge you, or if they do fuck it, at least it's out there. All the people that really love you will want you to be well again and that is exactly what is going to happen but be patient, time is on your side, health is more important than anything else so forget school / job whatever, just focus on getting better, then you'll be able to work again.

Maybe if your doctor prescribes you some hypnotics (i used a bit of zolpidem) for sleep that could help but it can't be the only thing, therapy is more important, I'd definitely avoid any self medication.

My Experience:

I was reckless and completely underestimated acid. I had taken half tabs twice before and never properly felt much but this time I took a full tab on an MDMA comedown and after an all nighter (really stupid combo). The trip was fine for the first 4 or 5 hours, then it got dark, me and my friends went home, once we were there after about 20 mins I couldn't bear it anymore. The fact that my short term memory lasted no more than 5 seconds started to really scare me. I couldn't follow conversations or say anything that made sense. I wanted to go outside again but my friends didn't and at several points I felt that they were all talking about me. That they were these 3 higher beings (one of them wasn't even tripping) and I was being judged for admission to the realm of psychedelics. They said I was too driven and that they found me off-putting, that made me a bit upset and at that point I really wanted to stop tripping and get back to normal life but that just couldn't happen. I kept walking into rooms and then forgetting the reason why I'd just gone in, all decisions became impossible, volition had abandoned me completely.

Then my friends started having a really personal conversation and I couldn't properly follow but at one point we were talking a lot about love. Love love love, then I couldn't bare it anymore, even the most beautiful notion in the world had turned so frightening and scary, I just couldn't help but feel that there was something deeply wrong within me, everything suddenly seemed extremely meaningless, and when I heard one of my friends say that she wasn't feeling the acid anymore I got really scared because I was still tripping balls. Also around that time I started to feel my head pounding and really one-sided. My friends then took MDMA and after what felt like an eternity we went to a club were a friend of mine was DJing, I was extremely anxious about the passing of time and kept staring at a clock. After what felt like another eternity the club closed and we left. At that point it was 2am and it had been 14 hours since the acid but I still felt like I was tripping, little did I know that this sensation was going to last for another 2 months. haha

On the way back from the club we bumped into some other friends, one of which was an experienced tripper so I asked him about the pounding I was feeling inside my head. He didn't have much say about that but, like all the other people I saw that night, just after saying goodbye to me, would turn round to me and say: "see you on the other side of consciousness!" Every single person said that to me, which made me convinced that the next morning I was going to wake up in some sort of parallel universe.

Aftermath:

Once getting home I couldn't sleep for another two days over which I got more and more delirious, anxious and amnesiac. I even went to hospital but they didn't give me anything. In total, considering my all-nighter before tripping I went over 70 hours without sleep, and when I did finally sleep, it was so different from my normal sleep. It was basically only REM, loads of dreams which my mind couldn't properly distinguish from reality, no deep sleep at all, and when I got out of bed I was more confused than before. I tried to get on with my normal schedule for that week but it was extremely painful. I still couldn't really have conversations with people because of my bad short term memory I'd forget what we were talking about, I genuinely started to think that I was experiencing early onset of dementia.

I got really stressed about study assignments and couldn't stay indoors for more than 20 minutes at a time because I'd get a panic attack (probably cos my bad trip happened inside). Also I kept feeling my brain overheating, it was as if the speed of my thoughts was completely out of control, initially it was impossible for me to meditate or do anything. The only thing that would slightly calm me down was to go outside for long walks in nature. I felt totally out of control of my life and each night my sleep got worse and I'd get up more and more confused. I couldn't really feel many bodily sensations or appetite and a week later, in absence of benzo's I took some ketamine in the hope that it would knock me out and make me sleep well again. Instead, from the following day I felt even more detached from my body and from reality.

At this stage I feel I was still experiencing some sort of visual perception impairment, it was as if everything was made of clay, in some ways beautiful, but given the agony my brain was in it was definitely not worth it. Also I kept experiencing flashbacks, my brain was connecting literally everything I would see or feel with a random memory, I couldn't make sense of any of it, and found it extremely overwhelming. All the time I had just no idea what I was supposed to be doing or thinking and that made me extremely stressed. It was as if the ego death had left me completely devoid of a personal identity and all my habits and personal rituals completely vanished. I felt as though I'd forgotten so much about who I was so I gradually started to work through all the things that made me. Initially I tried to do this while continuing with my normal uni life but that was impossible. I got way too stressed and was having too many anxiety attacks. My short term memory was still so bad I couldn't really comprehend all the notions I was going through, all the mantras, all the memories, it was all so confusing, what was I supposed to do, what was I supposed to think. argh, I felt completely trapped inside my own mind and didn't know how to escape. Those days I was experiencing such strong depersonalisation and distance from my body that I'd be able to go running for 4 or 5 hours without getting tired in the slightest, my mind would always wander away from the physical sensations.

The whole experience climaxed 2 months after the trip. In those 2 months things had got occasionally better but mostly worse, I still hadn't had a normal night of sleep, would either wake up 20 times per night (each time with my heart pounding like a motherfucker), or straight out have night-long anxiety attacks, which were extremely physical, almost like an epileptic attack but with lots of water drinking throughout. That day I realised continuing my day to day uni routine was impossible, I had to drop out. I walked around town and felt like I knew everyone and couldn't distinguish between the people I knew and the ones I didn't. I couldn't remember the names of anyone, not even my sister, it was as if my brain was overloaded by information and couldn't handle it anymore, i thought it was because of the 21st century, and that these shamanic drugs like LSD aren't meant for the digital epoch.

That day I again called emergency services because I was too scared of being alone with my thoughts, I had to be constantly talking to someone to slow me down. I was feeling immense physical pain inside my head which was also constantly pounding and overheating, as it had been for the past 2 months but now even worse, not to mention how mental my heart rate had become. For the first time since the trip I considered suicide to spare me from the slow and painful death I was expecting. Hypochondriac voices inside my head had been telling me I had all sort of illnesses. Brain cancer, schizophrenia or fatal familial insomnia, I was so convinced about my fate that I had to give up and tell my mom about the drugs. She got so worried about me telling her that I was going to die that she flew from Milan to meet me later that day.

Recovery:

Once I was at home with my mom I started getting my first normal nights of sleep. For the first time since the trip I lived a day without focusing on the things that would help me sleep, but instead just lived the day. Went to the cinema, bought a PS3 game, did that a lot. It helped me reconnect with my physical senses and instincts. I also saw a therapist for 8 or 9 sessions. He told me I was experiencing PTSD and that I had to reset my emotional memory. To do that I started going to open mics to perform some poetry and some songs I'd written, something I'd always wanted to do but never had a courage, now I didn't give a shit. The whole experience was incredibly powerful and kicked away a lot of the fears within me.

Aside from that I was taught many meditation and breathing techniques by my therapist (we also did a bit of CBT). These I practiced for several hours a day, as well as praying a lot. Over the following 2 months I gradually started thinking more normally and rationally, without questioning the validity of each one of my thoughts, and learnt to be able to truly quieten my mind and relax. All the one-sidedness and brain pain progressively diminished then vanished, the golf ball inside my brain melted and I was in a good enough state to really go through my memories chronologically until nothing from the past troubled / triggered me, this obviously also required opening up a lot to many friends but it was worth it. I have been fairly happy ever since. It is true that the worst and longest trips take you to the best places (at least relatively), or at least back to where you were before the trip but it's important to keep taking care of yourself, and being aware that mental health is never a lost cause.


Things to Learn:

• Everyone reacts differently to drugs, but if you have the lucidity to be reading stuff on the internet then you most certainly won't be tripping for the rest of your life, just try not to scare yourself, the internet is full of irrelevant stuff, if you're still worried see your doctor and get some blood tests, that will probably reassure you.
• LSD won't help you unlock the mysteries of the universe, but sure there are plenty of fascinating theories, I think there are better times to think of them than when you're still under the influence of drugs.
• Mental issues are different for everyone, and certain people are a lot more unfortunate than others in that regard. Having multiple personalities or voices within your head can be difficult. Traumatic events cause similar symptoms but it is extremely treatable, there are fairly standardised procedures, first coping techniques, then therapy: thinking through what happened over and over (always in a better light) until it no longer is a trigger for anxiety as nothing needs to be scary, once something is in the past it is just a fact.
• Prayer and meditation can be extremely useful for mental health, to breathe is the first and most beneficial addiction we have. A good healthy diet is also extremely important, as is a bedtime and morning routine.
• People are made of energy, and it is worth trying to embrace an optimistic perspective at this stage. Quoting Radiohead "The future is inside us, it's not somewhere else", quoting Bjork "Imagine a future and be in it". Be weary that many problems from your past may be constantly nagging you, you'll have to face them eventually (possibly in a calm office with a therapist, opening up as much as you can) - but being focused on the present and future is generally a happier condition than ruminating on the past all day.
• Insomnia can make your memory really muddled, and LSD can make it seem more important than it is. Forgetting things isn't that much of a big deal, but also it's in many ways impossible, everything is there somewhere, obviously you can't remember everything all the time but you'll remember things when you need them. Your memory size isn't comparable to that of a machine - I think pretty much everything is conserved if you need it.
• Permanent Brain damage isn't likely to affect you unless you take an insane amount of drugs (i'm talking daily basis or heroin / fentalyn) or obscene alcohol use (or accidents ofc). The brain is a quantum computer and can always create new pathways around dead cells, it may take some time to adjust but it can do basically anything, mental health issues are certainly to do entirely with environmental causes, no one has a brain which is inherently faulty in that respect.
• Avoid taking drugs to help with other drugs, or take drugs on the comedown of other drugs.
• If you don't know what to do, do nothing, to relax is your first right, don't always have to act, just be. There is nothing you have to do, you are doing enough just by existing you are making certain people happy. So feel free to slow down your daily routine, try to find your inner place and be more centred, open your heart, socialise, even if just with family members it is good to exercise love.
• Each thought is like a dice with many faces, mentally healthy people would never experience fear, depression or psychosis when thinking about certain normal daily commitments and such, however when you're in a bad state you'll be experiencing anything from a bleak or difficult prospective, to flip the coin requires therapy, and everyone will have to make peace with themselves in their own way.
• If you do have voices in your head, don't tell them to shut up, rather acknowledge them, but also recognise that it is only a part of you that needs reassurance, you need to communicate with it subliminally, which is what active meditation techniques or eye movement stuff is about. If you embrace the darkness within you soon your thought train will be one again, and you will be able to think more clearly (in oppose to being some sort of chaotic parade of contrasting ideas and concerns).
• Be open and admit that you're not ok. That's the first step of therapy.
• Love yourself. Treat yourself to nice food, change your style, have a haircut, splash out on clothes (if you can).
• When people talk about a change in personality there is nothing scary in that, a bad drug experience can give you a better understanding of suffering and that makes you a stronger person, but dw you won't become some sort of whacky hippie guru unless that's what you want to be.
• To replace bad emotional memories you should aim to create positive ones, "walk through fire", as they say, but also, try and do something positive with you life that will make you feel good that will make you remember these days as something other than post-LSD comedown.