Hi friends, forgive me if I’m posting this in the incorrect forum.
So for the past couple years I’ve had this issue where I freak out when having to ask my doctor for a refill or a (very rare) increase on a controlled med. Though it’s probably a bit of a misnomer, I’ve come to refer to this as “addict guilt”. It’s this heavy, pervasive thought that I’m forever indebted to the shame of my junkie years; undeserving of any help I might ask for. It’s gotten so bad that I have panic attacks at the thought of calling my doctor’s office. During an actual visit, my thoughts come unglued, I stumble over the things I mean to say and tend towards occasionally incongruous rambling ... which, I can only assume, comes across poorly. In actuality, I’ve never had any major problem getting my meds, I don’t abuse them, and I submit urines when required, however, it doesn’t stop this sense that the dr is inwardly cringing at my requests.
Has anyone else gone through this? Am I crazy? How do I get out of this self-flagellating mindset?
So for the past couple years I’ve had this issue where I freak out when having to ask my doctor for a refill or a (very rare) increase on a controlled med. Though it’s probably a bit of a misnomer, I’ve come to refer to this as “addict guilt”. It’s this heavy, pervasive thought that I’m forever indebted to the shame of my junkie years; undeserving of any help I might ask for. It’s gotten so bad that I have panic attacks at the thought of calling my doctor’s office. During an actual visit, my thoughts come unglued, I stumble over the things I mean to say and tend towards occasionally incongruous rambling ... which, I can only assume, comes across poorly. In actuality, I’ve never had any major problem getting my meds, I don’t abuse them, and I submit urines when required, however, it doesn’t stop this sense that the dr is inwardly cringing at my requests.
Has anyone else gone through this? Am I crazy? How do I get out of this self-flagellating mindset?