Re-sensitizing to Violence

[Foreigner]

I live a pretty quiet life these days, with not a lot of media. I have a daily practice where I meditate or pray. I don't pray to deities, I just pray... who knows if anyone or anything is listening. I also read a lot of books that are sacred to me, to keep holy meanings alive in my life. I try to live as pure an existence as I can, showing others loving kindness, and mostly avoiding drama. This also means that I avoid what I consider to be the distractive, mundane world.

Tonight I took a chance and went to see a movie with a couple of friends (the final movie of the Hunger Games). Because we got to the theatre way too early, we ended up walking around the mall. I found it incredibly overwhelming... so many lights, sounds, images, and people in their various temperaments. (I don't find Christmas season particularly uplifting. It seems like everyone is stressed out, frustrated, or even hateful.) I wasn't even high, and I felt like I was reaching my threshold.

The movie itself... I've been looking forward to it for about a year now, having read the book series a long time ago. But what I found was that the movie was way, way too intense. Seeing people dying (even if pretend), the blood, the violence and the depictions of horrendous human acts... and not to mention the immensity of the sound system, and the huge screen... for the first time in my life, I walked out of a threatre feeling totally shaken. It was almost traumatic! It took me a few hours to shake it off. My friends were happily talking about the movie, and I just found it hard to get grounded. I was surprised that it impacted me so much, given that I can easily look at a movie screen and know that what I'm watching isn't real. To me this is all samsara so a movie is just par for the course, but still... the whole experience seemed to pollute my body, mind, and emotions with extraneous input that was harmful.

I'm questioning if this is "healthy"? I don't particularly have a problem with being re-sensitized to violence and I wish more people were, but something as simple as going to a movie shouldn't fuck me up this much. I've even gone to movies high out of my mind before, and now I can't imagine how I ever did that... with my consciousness wide open. Am I just being wussy? Has anyone else ever gone through something like this?

I'm more sensitive to the world in general these days, but this seems pretty extreme. I'm concerned that my ability to participate in the every day world is being compromised. Maybe it's a good thing? I dunno. One of my goals in life right now is purification, including purification of the 5 senses. Maybe I made a huge error going from a purity lifestyle to that whole mall scene too fast. Talk about flash immersion!

I'd like to hear if anyone else has had this kind of experience or something like it, and how they deal with it. If you've been re-sensitized, then do you just avoid things permanently now? How do you live life? I don't really want to become a recluse but man... society is crazy.

Thanks for reading!

 

[Mysterie]

yeh, i remember my auntie telling me that she felt like she almost had a heart attack at the movies once because there was a loud electronic sound track with big bass sounds i guess.

as a HSP i know what you mean, although i am usually more desensitised to violence/loud noises/malls. i have a feeling that this could have been a case of wrong place at the wrong time. e.g. you were in an open and vulnerable state of mind on that day and thus more affected by specific imagery/sounds/people.

idk if you will at some point enjoy that kind of cinematic experience in the future. would you have enjoyed seeing a movie like that in the past? how long ago?

i think being in a sensitive state can help you to enjoy different kinds of movies like art films, older films, slower films with rich symbolism and metaphor. modern and commercial films do have a tendency to emote to the extreme to engage what i'd pessimistically call a modern zombie society.

 

[spacejunk]

I don't think there is any reason to see sensitivity to violent or frightening stimuli as a bad thing.
Personally i don't watch horror films or that kind of thing because there is enough darkness and fear in the world (that i am acutely aware of) without needing ficionalised versions of dystopian realities for entertainment.

I'm a fairly politically engaged person, but there are times when i decide to cut out mass media from my life for the sake of my emotional and mental health.
Really i don't see anything wrong with this, so long as you are aware of it, and it doesn't hinder your social or professional life too much.
If you worked in some kind of emergency medical field, or the military, i would be inclined to suggest therapy of some kind - but really, being "wussy" is only a problem if it gets in the way of living a full life.

Desensitisation to violence personally troubles me more...

 

[nuttynutskin]

I can definitely identify with this as someone who suffers from social anxiety and generalized anxiety (as well as other things). I also tentatively would label myself as an empath believe it or not, although probably a slightly damaged one lol. Either way I can deal with malls once in a while as long as they're not insanely busy although I'm not very materialistic so they don't have much to offer me anyways. As far as movie theaters, you probably wouldn't catch me dead in one of those. It's one place where my social anxiety kicks in full force. I find them claustrophobic and don't really enjoy sitting with a bunch of strangers when I'm watching a movie. Would much rather be at home watching Netflix on my computer where I can do other things and switch what I'm watching if I don't like it.

As far as violent and/or gory movies, they don't appeal to me. It's kind of strange because when I was a little kid I can remember watching some horror movies and being fascinated by them, but now as an adult they don't do anything for me. My theory is it's because now that I'm an adult and am aware of all of the fucked up shit that goes on in the real world I don't really want to watch more fucked up shit. Like for instance slasher films, I don't understand why someone wants to watch a movie just based on people being hacked to death and whatnot. Not judging those who like those sorts of films but I just personally don't understand the appeal. I'm 33 years old and most of the time you can find me watching Cartoon Network for fuck's sake. On Netflix I'm usually watching stand-up comedy, documentaries or Pixar movies.

Anyways, to answer the question, you're not alone. There's no reason why you should like violent movies, or malls or really anything for that matter. As long as things aren't stopping you from doing things you WANT to do I don't think it's a problem.

I don't think there is any reason to see sensitivity to violent or frightening stimuli as a bad thing.
Personally i don't watch horror films or that kind of thing because there is enough darkness and fear in the world (that i am acutely aware of) without needing ficionalised versions of dystopian realities for entertainment.

Lol... It's kind of funny how much we vehemently disagree on somethings yet totally agree on others.

 

[spacejunk]

As i've said on here a few times; I'm more interested in what we all have in common than what divides us.

 

[nuttynutskin]

One thing I should add is I like violent video games like GTA but it's just because I find it humorous I guess. Also I like some violent movies if they have an element of humor to them like Boondock Saints or classics like Scarface. I guess now that I think about it it really just depends.

 

[spacejunk]

Yeah, i love creepy Kubrick films like A Clockwork Orange or the Shining - but the violence and tension in those films is sort of peripheral to me, because i appreciate the art.
And likewise - i havent played GTA since...maybe the original (?) many years ago, but i found that funny also.
I've never seen Hunger Games, but it sounds pretty confronting, from what i know of it.

Personally i get far more affected by simulated violence and horror that hits close to home due to its realism or relatability.
Do you experience the same, foreigner?

 

[-=SS=-]

Are you sure it was the films content and not just the film itself? Most film is produced for maximum impact and the emotional peaks/troughs. TV shows have a tendency to never stay on a shot for more than a couple of seconds, to keep you hypnotized and immersed. Streets lined with lights and colours are likewise that way to keep you stimulated and hypnotized at the same time. The modern world is absolutely brutal in terms of impact to the senses. People say they tune it out.. but the brain certainly doesn't.. spending just one day in that kind of environment really devastates my vitality.

That all affects me. But watching people getting run over by trucks on liveleak doesn't really have any affect at all.. or any of the other genuine deaths and accidents.. except one or two I've seen where people burned alive. Hearing genuine screams like that really does take a piece out of you for the day to say the least.. genuinely traumatic.

But stuff like Saw or horror films with fake stuff does nothing either, except when there's a build up and surprise moment. To be honest I don't like horror or gore, just doesn't appeal to me.. over stimulating nonsense that serves no real purpose. They have to use effects and atmosphere to try and recreate something they can never really recreate.. and if it were real you would not want to actually watch it. No one wants actual trauma.. just the synthetic version. Genuine footage of people connecting themselves between the metal pylon and 220,00V high tension cable is fascinating to me.. I watch the newest liveleak videos with my porridge in the morning, to remind myself of just how fragile the body and life is.. you could go at any time! Real accidents and real death is fascinating, not traumatic (except those burning ones/any audio of verbal pain).

+1 to GTA though. Running people over in that is hilarious. Especially in GTA IV, down by the pier.. tends to spawn lots of orthodox jews there. So much fun haha :D

 

[nuttynutskin]

+1 to GTA though. Running people over in that is hilarious. Especially in GTA IV, down by the pier.. tends to spawn lots of orthodox jews there. So much fun haha :D

Yeah I have GTA 4... There's so many levels of antisocial behavior you can engage in it's hilarious to me. For some reason I really like pushing people down stairs or off embankments lol.

/derail

 

[neurotic]

Honestly, trying to desensitize yourself to things just because most people are desensitized already seems like something one would regret later. I can relate somehow, if I'm understanding correctly: I consciously dulled myself as fuck - because when everyone around is this way, it looks like you are the one who's wrong - as I grew up, and recently with therapy I've been realizing how plain bad this is, I cringe when I think how much potential I wasted by doing that.

I would try not to over think it much, as in avoid "how can I live like this?" and proceed with tact, follow your heart, don't go cutting in your own wings, forcing yourself to be something you're not.

And lastly, if you have been living a quiet life and suddenly go to a busy and loud place I think it's normal to be overwhelmed. I live in a busy city and if I stay for more than one day without contact with the ruthless noisy crowd, when I go back to it, it is incredibly overwhelming too.

I hope this makes sense to you OP

 

[infectedmushroom]

I think in most people there's an inner conflict when it comes to violence. On the one hand, violence is shocking, and causes a physical response not to mention psychological trauma. Never mind films and media - think about violent incidents you've seen in real life. Remember the cold tingle running through your core? The anxiety? The adrenaline? Our animal selves are well versed and literate in violence. Our higher consciousness (or just conscience if you like) tells us it's wrong and looks on violence with disgust.

On the other hand we all know,whether or not we like it, that violence is a cornerstone of human behavior and societies. Little boys play commandos and power rangers. As they get older they wrestle, play contact sport, join gangs, teams, tribes, etc. We have an undeniable and inherent fascination with violence and conflict. Partly it's evolutionary. Might is right - the strongest wins - the most violent takes the women and wealth. Violent media helps us explore our most raw animal tendencies in a creative and artistic way - a la Hunger Games, or a good example, the SAW series.

In terms of general sensitivity and over-stimulation, I'm also one of those highly sensitive types. It's probably why I like depressants so much - they allow me to walk through crowded places and god awful soul destroying monolithic shopping malls without wanting to jump off the balcony or throw a brick through a shop window.

 

[Noodle]

If you mean trying to work/live through the immersion in negativity while remaining separate?

hmmmmm...


How do you separate and still do good work? Maybe complete separation isn't possible without feeling the fallout of working the trenches.

 

[tantric]

i won't play video games that involve humans. shooting aliens or abstracts is okay, not really fun, but not bad, but i can't do hard stuff. and i really don't like violent movies - i don't like seeing death trivialized like that. and honestly 'righteous violence' is WAY over played. sometimes, i can deal (i like some superhero movies). then again, i'm the guy who considers it normal for adult male humans to get in fights on occasion, and that it's not a big deal. getting in a tussle at a bar - normal, slaughter and blood on the screen for laughs, not normal.

 

[Foreigner]

Honestly, trying to desensitize yourself to things just because most people are desensitized already seems like something one would regret later. I can relate somehow, if I'm understanding correctly: I consciously dulled myself as fuck - because when everyone around is this way, it looks like you are the one who's wrong - as I grew up, and recently with therapy I've been realizing how plain bad this is, I cringe when I think how much potential I wasted by doing that.

I would try not to over think it much, as in avoid "how can I live like this?" and proceed with tact, follow your heart, don't go cutting in your own wings, forcing yourself to be something you're not.

And lastly, if you have been living a quiet life and suddenly go to a busy and loud place I think it's normal to be overwhelmed. I live in a busy city and if I stay for more than one day without contact with the ruthless noisy crowd, when I go back to it, it is incredibly overwhelming too.

I hope this makes sense to you OP

In my early 20's I did what you're describing. I felt sensitive so I retreated from the world in order to protect myself, and I also engaged in spiritual practices that promoted passiveness. Now I understand that a lot of people use spiritual practices as an excuse to avoid dealing with their issues and mustering the courage to go out into the world and follow their hearts.

Where I'm at now is, I've done a lot of the inner work (which never really ends, of course), and my life is pretty full, and yet I am still becoming more sensitive. It's like the more I realize and understand, the more I can't deal with the general mundanity and violence of the world. It's not that I think I'm above it all or something, quite the opposite.

My issue is that enlightened people are always portrayed as these individuals who can walk through fire, torment, total darkness, and emerge unscathed with their realizations in tact, with their "light" (for lack of a better word) preserved. I used to really buy into that when I was younger, but now I'm not so sure. The most realized people I've had the privilege to work with, have all been fundamentally fucked up in some ways. Their lessons have been intense. They have gone through the pain and torment of ego death. They are sensitive and awake to all the ails humanity, but they don't revel in it for entertainment value.

So I'm trying to determine if:
- I'm surrendering because there's nothing I can do about it anyway, and somehow this makes me see things more clearly
- I've had enough trauma that this is just some form of PTSD talking
- something else is going on that I'm experiencing but can't get perceive a reason

I don't feel like I'm "hiding". It's like I'm seeing it more acutely, and feeling it on all levels. No walls, no attempt to avoid... just seeing reality in all its raw glory and depravity. If I were to describe it, what I did in my 20's was a contraction, a withdrawal, an avoidance; what's happening now is that I feel like I'm expanding while being down in the muck so that I am facing, and feeling everything floridly. And it's fucking intense. Paradoxically, it's as though the more I surrender and let go of, the more I am affected.

If someone on TV get shot or butchered, it's not just "scene end" for me. I have to process that. Other people just turn the page. To me it's a big deal if someone is portrayed being brutally murdered.

I don't know if I'm articulating this right.

 

[thujone]

I am also easily overstimulated and don't like violence. I found Zen/Bushido to be a good antidote to the violence of the modern world because it specifically teaches how to remain calm and peaceful in the face of violent reality.

Meditation on inevitable death should be performed daily. Every day when one's body and mind are at peace, one should meditate upon being ripped apart by arrows, rifles, spears and swords, being carried away by surging waves, being thrown into the midst of a great fire, being struck by lightning, being shaken to death by a great earthquake, falling from thousand-foot cliffs, dying of disease or committing seppuku at the death of one's master. And every day without fail one should consider himself as dead.

Yamamoto_Tsunetomo

It's funny how calming it is to spare a few moments in the day just to contemplate the brutality of death. It doesn't matter if a person is brutally murdered or dies of old age, both are painful departures.

Some good films to watch for a primer on this topic are Ghost Dog, Ronin, and Le Samourai

(obviously I play violent video games and watch violent movies and read violent news but the point is these things no longer stimulate me)

 

[Noodle]

If they don't then why digest them?

What kind of food are they?

 

[thujone]

i don't mind a certain degree of violence i just don't like wanton violence [for the sake of violence]. war/sports/games are all predicated upon the sense of competition, which i like, but punching people in the face to get things done is just a turn-off for me. i also like those violent games that reward the player for finding non-violent solutions (e.g. splinter cell, deus ex)

fwiw what i meant by "stimulation" was the adrenaline rush that accompanies violence. it inhibits thinking clearly and primes the fight-or-flight response that i think Foreigner was alluding to

 

[spacejunk]

i don't mind a certain degree of violence i just don't like wanton violence [for the sake of violence]. war/sports/games are all predicated upon the sense of competition, which i like, but punching people in the face to get things done is just a turn-off for me.

Interesting. I have a particular dislike for violent sports, their social normalisation, and the contexts in which they are screened.

Where i live, Australian Rules football is a big deal. It is a full contact game, with protective gear seldom worn.
KO'd players are regularly stretchered off the field, with stadiums of people giving them the biggest ovation of the game.
To me, that is a bit disturbing, but few people seem to question it. I know i am in a very small minority in that one - i don't get into competitive sports, generally - just not my bag.
It wasn't even until i grew up that i realised how violent the game was.
It isn't just dramatised screen-violence; it's real.

One particular game that sticks in my memory was between the two local teams in my hometown; both fierce rivals.
It occurred when i was in high school, and involved an all-in brawl that was repeated for the next few weeks on the tv news, every night, in slow motion.
I recall that week, there were more fights after school than probably the rest of my years at that school. The fist fight seemed to pull a whole lot of kids into some kind of tv-inspired violence.
There might not have been a causal relationship between the fight in the game and the dust-ups in the playground, but it seemed pretty clear to me at the time.

With that in mind, it really bothered me a few years later when i found myself standing in a bar, surrounded by bigscreen televisions spewing that UFC shit to all the punters.
As much as i can appreciate the skill and tactics of boxing, or certain martial arts...the 'no holds barred' nature of that kind of "entertainment" makes me feel nervous when i see it being shown in drinking establishments. I can't watch it anyway - but the normalisation of real - not simulated - violence, as entertainment for the masses makes me uneasy.

I don't care what people do for fun in their own time, but why a licensed establishment would screen this sort of material frankly baffles me. I'm sure there are plenty of bluelighters that get into UFC (or whatever you call it) - but i don't really understand it.

 

[thujone]

yeah there was a rugby team at my high-school and quite a few players concluded it wasn't worth the risk after seeing some career-ending injuries. i remember one kid ended up paralyzed. forget contact sports, he wouldn't walk the rest of his life. i guess when there's someone sitting on the sidelines in a wheelchair every game it helps keep the consequences in focus.

funny thing about UFC is it would still be engaging if they banned all striking moves, but MMA without striking never became the phenomenon that UFC did. maybe there's a universal desire for brutal violence. the romans had their gladiators, middle ages their jousting knights and then boxing somehow got huge in the 20th century.

 

[spacejunk]

....maybe not "universal". It might be common, but i think this thread would indicate that there's nothing really universal about a desire to watch representations or simulations of violence.