morphine-dreams
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2015
- Messages
- 1,392
I've been taking 15mg mirtazapine for over 6 months now, for depression, insomnia, and appetite increase. At first, it seemed wonderful, but I was also more depressed than ever at the time. Psychologically, I feel MUCH better, but I feel like a zombie now. To clarify, I mean that while I no longer have obsessive thoughts and a severe dysphoric feeling (combination of depression and anxiety I guess) because I've worked through many of my issues, I feel unable to feel joy or passion and just numb, in a bad way. In the past, before I tried CBT, running out would be a nightmare and I'd have major rebound anxiety/depression, or I was just in such a bad mental state that it felt like that. Either way, the point I'm trying to get at is that being numb was a relief to me at that point.
Anyway, fast forward to the past week when I ran out of refills after having moved across the state, and my doc was on vacation. I had no choice but to go without it. I should also mention that I was still in the late acute stages of opiate WD (withdrawing from, among many other opioids, poppy seed tea, which has really drawn out but fairly mild WD for me). Despite feeling like shit physically, I felt ok and alive for the first time since I started taking mirtazapine. I also took advantage of this antidepressant break to safely trip on dxm, and I had the most wonderful anxiety free trip ever. Physically I still felt like a steaming pile of crap, but mentally, I was over the moon for the next few days until I started mirtazapine. After restarting mirtazapine, I'm back to having zero motivation, unhappy, and feeling kind of numb. From what I understand, mirtazapine is a 5ht2a antagonist, which I'd think would be a major reason as to why I feel like this. I also want to add that I never thought much about suicide before, and I think I had much more severe anxiety than depression. Anxiety was always my primary problem though depression was certainly there at times too. However, ever since starting mirtazapine, suicidal thoughts have been very common though there haven't been any real attempts.
Has anyone else here experienced a similar reaction to mirtazapine? Also, is it difficult or even safe to quit them cold turkey? If there is rebound insomnia, what is the best way of countering it? Melatonin and diphenhydramine both work quite well for me, but probably not strong enough if I'm going to have rebound insomnia, especially since I've recently CT'd opiates too. I also have benzos and nortriptyline on hand but I'd rather avoid taking benzos consistently as I already take them pretty regularly and am afraid using them too frequently at this point could trigger physical dependence. Nortriptyline sounds counterproductive since it's just another antidepressant. I'm thinking one of the z-drugs would be ideal in this scenario, but is there anything else? Would etizolam be a decent option since it's not exactly a benzo and in my experience doesn't have much cross tolerance with actual benzodiazepenes? And finally, is there any good appetite stimulant besides weed? I have a good amount of Zofran and it works very well for nausea, but does it increase appetite even if there isn't any nausea?
Sorry for the long post, I appreciate any responses.
Anyway, fast forward to the past week when I ran out of refills after having moved across the state, and my doc was on vacation. I had no choice but to go without it. I should also mention that I was still in the late acute stages of opiate WD (withdrawing from, among many other opioids, poppy seed tea, which has really drawn out but fairly mild WD for me). Despite feeling like shit physically, I felt ok and alive for the first time since I started taking mirtazapine. I also took advantage of this antidepressant break to safely trip on dxm, and I had the most wonderful anxiety free trip ever. Physically I still felt like a steaming pile of crap, but mentally, I was over the moon for the next few days until I started mirtazapine. After restarting mirtazapine, I'm back to having zero motivation, unhappy, and feeling kind of numb. From what I understand, mirtazapine is a 5ht2a antagonist, which I'd think would be a major reason as to why I feel like this. I also want to add that I never thought much about suicide before, and I think I had much more severe anxiety than depression. Anxiety was always my primary problem though depression was certainly there at times too. However, ever since starting mirtazapine, suicidal thoughts have been very common though there haven't been any real attempts.
Has anyone else here experienced a similar reaction to mirtazapine? Also, is it difficult or even safe to quit them cold turkey? If there is rebound insomnia, what is the best way of countering it? Melatonin and diphenhydramine both work quite well for me, but probably not strong enough if I'm going to have rebound insomnia, especially since I've recently CT'd opiates too. I also have benzos and nortriptyline on hand but I'd rather avoid taking benzos consistently as I already take them pretty regularly and am afraid using them too frequently at this point could trigger physical dependence. Nortriptyline sounds counterproductive since it's just another antidepressant. I'm thinking one of the z-drugs would be ideal in this scenario, but is there anything else? Would etizolam be a decent option since it's not exactly a benzo and in my experience doesn't have much cross tolerance with actual benzodiazepenes? And finally, is there any good appetite stimulant besides weed? I have a good amount of Zofran and it works very well for nausea, but does it increase appetite even if there isn't any nausea?
Sorry for the long post, I appreciate any responses.
