Help! Questions from a confused ketamine and lsd user

[Lene79]

Hi.

I thought I was an experienced paychonaut, but the last weeks have made me question a lot of things.

And some things scare me..
For a few weeks ago, I managed to complete a task none of my colleges though was possible. (Restoring some data from an old, worn out hard drive).

I told my boss, and he got really excited. He was talking about a raise etc.
He even told old my colleagues, and talked about me as I was kind of a hero..

The thing is: I was high as a kite while doing it. A bit of acid, but mostly special K.
But even high then, I still remember how I did it. Entirely clear.

But none of my attempts after, has been a success..
To be honest, the last few attempts almost broke my computer...

Earlier experiences have been nothing like that.. Is it possible that I, even after years of successful trips, are experiencing an psychosis?

Any input wanted!

Peace,
L

 

[G_Chem]

Any proof beyond your memory that it actually happened?

-GC

 

[Lene79]

I think so. Maybe.
(Or at least I thought I do/did*)
I made two copies. One is in safe storage affiliated with the office, and one for myself.

.
I managed to fcuk up my copy, by some #$%#$ rookie mistake or something.

I hope so at least. This is where things are weirding me out.

× Finished the task, saved onto two disks, went to sleep.
x Goes to work, puts the drive in safe.
During work hours, I have a lot of conversations with colleagues, telling them about how I did it. Techniques, software etc.
No one, that I noticed, was in doubt then.

x Talks briefly to the customer, got some questions about the state of the data, but could only answer some of it. (I try my best not to peak at others stuff, except for validation purposes).

From what I could sense from the feedback, it sounded like something was missing, but not much. (I told him some of the names of the directories I remembered, and first he was stoked. But when he asked about the content of the main (base) dir, he seemed a bit surprised by my answer, as if it was from a bit older version or something. Really hard to tell.

x Comes home from work, goes to the computer, just to find that I had managed to corrupt (or overwrite) big parts of my version..

So the last days I have been wondering like crazy..

A lot of things do make sense, but a whole lot sure as hell doesn't.
I have started to wonder if the key dir names I remember seeing and restoring*,
could come from something the customer told me earlier.

* This freaks me out. I remember it so clearly. Its like I can remember how it smelt in the room.
And I have absolutely no recollection of talking to the customer about anything that would make me know those names.

It might not sound like the worst problem, but to me it is. There is an absolute zero drug tolerance at work, so I cant tell the truth.

Im trying to find a way for me to get a copy from the one in the office, but I would have to sign it out from storage, which would bring up a whole lot of questions I would have problems answering. (Remember the drug policy..)

Right now I'm that famous schrodinger cat... Im either dead or alive, either way I'll be famous.

If the drive is ok, Ill be the employee of the year.
But if its as corrupted as my version, I probably won't be working in this area agaib.. (And frankly, after my last 872738493 failed attempts at back tracking myself, the last of which, almost deleted other important files, corrupted is very much how I feel.)

I have a few days to figure something out, but it's hard to think clear when my brain is really worried about permanent damage.

I probably would have hired a thief if I could afford it, thats how desperate I'm right now..

(Again, any inputs are highly appreciated!)

 

[TheAcetylationGame]

As someone who has experienced 5 episodes of severe drug induced psychosis I find it highly unlikely that after recovering you would not be painfully aware that you were psychotic. It literally feels like waking up from a horrific nightmare that you had no control over, your memory and reasoning is just as jumbled as in a dream and terrifying events occur with you just accepting them as reality just as you do in a dream/nightmare.

 

[SadLobbyist]

As someone who has experienced 5 episodes of severe drug induced psychosis I find it highly unlikely that after recovering you would not be painfully aware that you were psychotic. It literally feels like waking up from a horrific nightmare that you had no control over, your memory and reasoning is just as jumbled as in a dream and terrifying events occur with you just accepting them as reality just as you do in a dream/nightmare.

This is a great way of describing it, or that was my experience, at least. It wasn't like an isolated memory was affected, it's a constant terrifying confusion that bleeds into everything and to the extent you can tell you're hallucinating, the sheer weight of the hallucinations totally override it and the knowledge that you're hallucinating is somehow incorporated into the thing itself--ie, you think the cops are coming for you *because* you're crazy. And once it's all over things become a bit more clear but it's very hard to tell what actually happened, which memories are real, etc.

It sounds like it was the drugs affecting you. Personally, I wouldn't be worried about brain damage. I'm sorry about your situation at work though, that sounds stressful.

 

[TheAcetylationGame]

This is a great way of describing it, or that was my experience, at least. It wasn't like an isolated memory was affected, it's a constant terrifying confusion that bleeds into everything and to the extent you can tell you're hallucinating, the sheer weight of the hallucinations totally override it and the knowledge that you're hallucinating is somehow incorporated into the thing itself--ie, you think the cops are coming for you *because* you're crazy. And once it's all over things become a bit more clear but it's very hard to tell what actually happened, which memories are real, etc.

It sounds like it was the drugs affecting you. Personally, I wouldn't be worried about brain damage. I'm sorry about your situation at work though, that sounds stressful.

Yeah I don’t do do psychedelics anymore cause I’ve watched videos of schizophrenics who unintentionally killed people in the midst of a psychotic episode and their description is identical to how I experienced my psychosis - I was just lucky that the consequences of my episode upon “waking from the nightmare” was learning that I had spat on a cop and been dragged by 7 people to an ambulance instead of stabbing someone.

I absolutely believe that I could have killed someone without any idea of what was happening and that scares the shit out of me

Hearing someone locked up for life describe an experience identical to your own while crying and saying he didn’t mean to hurt anyone is terrifying, like that could literally have been me.

 

[G_Chem]

Yea this one is hard… I’m leaning towards “you did do this” but of course enough ketamine and LSD can skew anyone’s perceptions.

I guess you know not to use these drugs while working next time. You don’t have any permanent damage that’s for sure, but reality can be amiss obviously in the deep of it.

Why does checking it back out from storage mean drug testing?

-GC

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Hi.

I thought I was an experienced paychonaut, but the last weeks have made me question a lot of things.

And some things scare me..
For a few weeks ago, I managed to complete a task none of my colleges though was possible. (Restoring some data from an old, worn out hard drive).

I told my boss, and he got really excited. He was talking about a raise etc.
He even told old my colleagues, and talked about me as I was kind of a hero..

The thing is: I was high as a kite while doing it. A bit of acid, but mostly special K.
But even high then, I still remember how I did it. Entirely clear.

But none of my attempts after, has been a success..
To be honest, the last few attempts almost broke my computer...

Earlier experiences have been nothing like that.. Is it possible that I, even after years of successful trips, are experiencing an psychosis?

Any input wanted!

Peace,
L

Lol I used to work IT high all the time.

Data recovery is never straightforward. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. There is never any guarantee.

More often than not a simple data recovery software will fail and requires tier 2 service from a professional data recovery center, and even then it often fails.

 

[ĐmantuNJofra]

this is old but

Hi.

I thought I was an experienced paychonaut, but the last weeks have made me question a lot of things.

And some things scare me..
For a few weeks ago, I managed to complete a task none of my colleges though was possible. (Restoring some data from an old, worn out hard drive).

I told my boss, and he got really excited. He was talking about a raise etc.
He even told old my colleagues, and talked about me as I was kind of a hero..

The thing is: I was high as a kite while doing it. A bit of acid, but mostly special K.
But even high then, I still remember how I did it. Entirely clear.

But none of my attempts after, has been a success..
To be honest, the last few attempts almost broke my computer...

Earlier experiences have been nothing like that.. Is it possible that I, even after years of successful trips, are experiencing an psychosis?

Any input wanted!

Peace,
L

is it possiblle or...