Questions about Dom/sub

[Factualist]

*I just wanted start this response with this: A Dom/sub lifestyle is not BDSM and things of a sexual nature 24/7. There is so much more to get from a Dom/sub lifestyle.*

The second point I wanted to make is this...as you being a submissive, your Dom's number one priority should be to help you become a better version of yourself. My wife use to have horrible self-esteem issues, but as her Dom, my number one priority is her and her well-being...not my satisfaction. In a lifestyle, the Dom main duty is to help his/her sub learn, grow and become a better version of the person the sub wants to be. A true Dom is nurturing, caring, loving and will always place the subs well-being and state of mind before his/herself. That is a true Dom. Being a Dom is not about being a control freak, or having your way with your sub anytime you want. That is why there is a contract that is mutually beneficial.

As to how to keep it from going too far? It is easy (especially in the heat of the moment) to go too far. That is why there is a Safeword for the submissive to use when things have gone too far. When that safe word is used...the Dom MUST stop. Not just that action...they must stop the session.

The Time period you are talking about is the comforting stage. Whether it be cuddling, pillow talk, having a heart-to-heart. It can also be when the submissive is completely left alone. That time period is up to the submissive and how they want to unwind. You have to keep in mind that it is very taxing on the sub...so they need their time.

You also have to keep in mind that there is one lifestyle that almost negates all of this and the is the Master/slave lifestyle. However, a contract for that lifestyle is very specific and detailed. The "Master" cannot do anything that the sub has predisclosed as a "no fly zone".

Ok great, thanks for the response. I was wondering if there was a kind of relationship that focused more on nurturing and caring with-in the power structure and you're telling me that's what it's all about so that's good. And I know it's not 24/7 but I do know (or at least think, correct me if I'm wrong) that it can extend far beyond sex. But I think being told what to do by someone who was loving and cared about me would be totally different than the image I had in my mind of them being domineering and aggressive, which I think might be more akin to the master/slave thing in particular, but again correct me if I'm wrong.

I guess my next question is how do you get into it? Is Fetlife any good? I don't really hang out in circles where this sort of thing is talked about openly, by which I mean I have people I know exclusively through work who I only really spend time with at work. And people I know through things like game groups and computer clubs, and believe it or not we, seldom get on the topic of sex

 

[Wolie83]

Ok great, thanks for the response. I was wondering if there was a kind of relationship that focused more on nurturing and caring with-in the power structure and you're telling me that's what it's all about so that's good. And I know it's not 24/7 but I do know (or at least think, correct me if I'm wrong) that it can extend far beyond sex. But I think being told what to do by someone who was loving and cared about me would be totally different than the image I had in my mind of them being domineering and aggressive, which I think might be more akin to the master/slave thing in particular, but again correct me if I'm wrong.

I guess my next question is how do you get into it? Is Fetlife any good? I don't really hang out in circles where this sort of thing is talked about openly, by which I mean I have people I know exclusively through work who I only really spend time with at work. And people I know through things like game groups and computer clubs, and believe it or not we, seldom get on the topic of sex

I have sampled Fetlife and personally I did not like. Everyone I came across had very biased views and their ways were the only so called "right" way. However, to each their own.

Most of the things that I pass on are things I have studied, researched and did surveys with a multitude of submissives (with the blessing of their respective Doms of course.)

How to Be Submissive: The Ultimate Guide On How to Be a Good Submissive - Dom Sub Living

Learn how to be submissive online with Dom Sub Living. We discuss how to be a good sub to enlighten your intimate lifestyle. Read about how to be a good sub today at Dom Sub Living.

www.domsubliving.com

This is a good read. As well as this:

BDSM For Beginners | Read A Beginner’s Guide To BDSM & S&M - Dom Sub Living

Learn BDSM for beginners at Dom Sub Living. Are you a BDSM beginner and want to know more about dominance and submission? This guide about learning BDSM covers everything you need to know to get started now!

www.domsubliving.com

 

[Factualist]

I have sampled Fetlife and personally I did not like. Everyone I came across had very biased views and their ways were the only so called "right" way. However, to each their own.

Most of the things that I pass on are things I have studied, researched and did surveys with a multitude of submissives (with the blessing of their respective Doms of course.)

How to Be Submissive: The Ultimate Guide On How to Be a Good Submissive - Dom Sub Living

Learn how to be submissive online with Dom Sub Living. We discuss how to be a good sub to enlighten your intimate lifestyle. Read about how to be a good sub today at Dom Sub Living.

www.domsubliving.com

This is a good read. As well as this:

BDSM For Beginners | Read A Beginner’s Guide To BDSM & S&M - Dom Sub Living

Learn BDSM for beginners at Dom Sub Living. Are you a BDSM beginner and want to know more about dominance and submission? This guide about learning BDSM covers everything you need to know to get started now!

www.domsubliving.com

Thanks! Do you have any recommended articles about petplay specifically? That's really piqued my interest.

 

[Wolie83]

Thanks! Do you have any recommended articles about petplay specifically? That's really piqued my interest.

PetPlay (PP) is a form of humiliation and one of the most rare forms of Dom/sub. There is several ways you can do it which include but not limited to:

1. Collar and Leash
2. Make the sub crawl on all fours and anytime they need to grab something they do so with their mouth.
3. During oral (if Dom is a female [Dominatrix/FemDom]) make the male sub lap lick a dog or (of the Dom is a male [Dominate]) you can put a bit in the females mouth and control them that way.
Etc.

This is a good read in that field.

A Primer on Pet Play and Human Pets

submissiveguide.com

Keep in mind that it is easy for the Dom to take it way too far during PP. So I would suggest you and your Dom sit down and devise some sort of set of guidelines that.must be followed. PP is a type of Master/slave...which is a type of humiliation...tread carefully.

 

[Factualist]

PetPlay (PP) is a form of humiliation and one of the most rare forms of Dom/sub. There is several ways you can do it which include but not limited to:

1. Collar and Leash
2. Make the sub crawl on all fours and anytime they need to grab something they do so with their mouth.
3. During oral (if Dom is a female [Dominatrix/FemDom]) make the male sub lap lick a dog or (of the Dom is a male [Dominate]) you can put a bit in the females mouth and control them that way.
Etc.

This is a good read in that field.

A Primer on Pet Play and Human Pets

submissiveguide.com

Keep in mind that it is easy for the Dom to take it way too far during PP. So I would suggest you and your Dom sit down and devise some sort of set of guidelines that.must be followed. PP is a type of Master/slave...which is a type of humiliation...tread carefully.

Ah, interesting, I didn't realize it was so intense. Well thanks for the info, I've got my research cut out for me!

Also, and this is a minor point, unless it's just parlance, I don't know if it's uh necessarily the "females" mouth, or is this kind of thing usually strictly hetero?

 

[Wolie83]

Ah, interesting, I didn't realize it was so intense. Well thanks for the info, I've got my research cut out for me!

Also, and this is a minor point, unless it's just parlance, I don't know if it's uh necessarily the "females" mouth, or is this kind of thing usually strictly hetero?

In that aspect, it can go which ever way. It is not gender nor orientation restricted.

I was merely listing the more common ways...i should have been more clear on that. My apologies

 

[Wolie83]

I dunno. I like being submissive in the context of sex but something like this I'm not sure I would feel comfortable with 24/7. I already have a poor enough self-image from being who I am and liking what I like, I think being in that mode constantly would just make things worse. How do you deal with the psychological aspects of it? I'm not trying to malign the lifestyle at all, but is there ever the risk that one or both parties get a little too carried away? Is there a risk of lasting damage? I know with other forms of BDSM there's a kind of recovery period (I forget what the word for it is) after sex to sort of bring people back to reality where they're both human beings and loved and that sort of thing, does something like this factor into it all?

Back to you the comforting time period...here is a good read

Dom/sub Aftercare: 10 BDSM Aftercare Tips & Ideas - Dom Sub Living

Check out Dom/sub aftercare tips and ideas at Dom Sub Living. Proper aftercare for BDSM is essential in BDSM relationships to help Doms and subs calm down. Read about BDSM aftercare with Dom Sub Living.

www.domsubliving.com

 

[Factualist]

Ah yeah, "aftercare" was the specific word I was looking for. I took a psychology of human sexuality class in uni but I was high the whole time so it's a bit of a blur, but we had a panel of BDSM people come in.

Think they turned a lot of people off with how extreme they were tbh. I'm no one to yuck anyone's yum but you come out of the gates talking about bloodletting, needleplay, and shit with hooks you're gonna lose some people lol, I never realized how wide the scope of BDSM was.

Anyway thanks for the info!

 

[Wolie83]

Ah yeah, "aftercare" was the specific word I was looking for. I took a psychology of human sexuality class in uni but I was high the whole time so it's a bit of a blur, but we had a panel of BDSM people come in.

Think they turned a lot of people off with how extreme they were tbh. I'm no one to yuck anyone's yum but you come out of the gates talking about bloodletting, needleplay, and shit with hooks you're gonna lose some people lol, I never realized how wide the scope of BDSM was.

Anyway thanks for the info!

No problem. Anytime

...there is one lifestyle I did not mention because it is a required taste. It is Total Power Exchange (TPE). That is when the sub relinquishes all authority to the Dom...it is, I said, a required taste.

 

[Factualist]

No problem. Anytime

...there is one lifestyle I did not mention because it is a required taste. It is Total Power Exchange (TPE). That is when the sub relinquishes all authority to the Dom...it is, I said, a required taste.

Riiight, yeah not for me. I feel like that is a recipe for disaster with my personality type. But yeah, I'm still looking in to everything and doing some more research at the moment so I'll have to get back to you if I have any other questions I can't find answers to. Thanks again for all your help.

 

[Wolie83]

Riiight, yeah not for me. I feel like that is a recipe for disaster with my personality type. But yeah, I'm still looking in to everything and doing some more research at the moment so I'll have to get back to you if I have any other questions I can't find answers to. Thanks again for all your help.

No problem...anytime