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Questions about Dom/sub

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Wolie83

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 5, 2019
Messages
17
The thread is for serious question about Dom/sub. Now, granted, I am not the leading expert in everything Dom/sub, but I have been in a Dom/sub lifestyle for the last several years.

The sole purpose of this thread for others to seek answers, advise and/or guidance. That being said, Dom/sub lifestyle is far different from the bedroom fetish. I Will try to answer all I can...if I do not know, I can can guide you in the right direction.

Also, just to nip this in the bud right away...a Dominant is a Male Dom and a Dominatrix or a FemDom is a Female Dom. Also, it is Dom/sub. Not sub/dom or dom/sub.

*NOTE*
I will also ask to refrain from making insultive, biased, flippant and any other comment that has nothing to with this thread and/or comme re that are designed to cause havoc/disarray in this thread. I ask that all people that visit this thread to be mature and responsible. If not, I will report.
 
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Okay.

I am a sadomasochist, so i have experience in both, too. In relationships, i am always dominant, but on my own time, i use masochism to regulate my ego, i think.

Err.. weathers nice today.
 
madness00 said:
Okay.

I am a sadomasochist, so i have experience in both, too. In relationships, i am always dominant, but on my own time, i use masochism to regulate my ego, i think.

Err.. weathers nice today.
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I can relate to that...i enjoy doing and receiving BDSM as well as giving and receiving pain. I have my sub bite during oral sometimes...the sensation is so erotic and builds tension. However, she and I also enjoy my using nipple/clitoral clamps, paddles and whips on her.
 
That sounds fun :)

See i don't like receiving pain, i just like humiliation. I try to induce shame on myself.

As for being sadistic.. i tend to enjoy it more if it is unspoken about and not planned.
 
madness00 said:
That sounds fun :)

See i don't like receiving pain, i just like humiliation. I try to induce shame on myself.

As for being sadistic.. i tend to enjoy it more if it is unspoken about and not planned.
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That is also understandable and respect the fact that you can admit that to other people. There is a fine line between any form of Dom/sub and abuse and most of the time (mostly with men) that line is crossed. The are three key elements that will keep the line from being crossed and they are:

1) Consensual
2) Safety
and
3) Safeword.

As long as consensual and at least one of the other two are present at all times, then that line into abuse will never be crossed.

My sub does not have a Safeword...she instead has a sliding scale of 0-4 that she follows:
0= kosher
1=bothered
2=uneasy
3=near limit
4=STOP

The object behind this is for me to never take her past 3. The two most important thing in any Dom/sub is TRUST and COMMUNICATION. As long as you never violate that trust and you ALWAYS discuss the events that transpired afterwards and remain open and honest with each other...all will be fine.
 
Zopiclone bandit said:
I take it you live it 24/7 as a lifestyle?
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Yes. My wife and I have been together for 7yrs, married for 3yrs. We have had an active contract (mutually agreed upon) that is revised every 360 days for the last 6yrs. We have done 3 of the 11 types of lifestyles. We currently live a normal Dom/sub lifestyle which is not too much of a pinch away from a normal relationship. It just has a Dom/sub twist to it. Our current contract is an 11 page contract that we both mutually benefit from.
 
Wolie83 said:
Yes. My wife and I have been together for 7yrs, married for 3yrs. We have had an active contract (mutually agreed upon) that is revised every 360 days for the last 6yrs. We have done 3 of the 11 types of lifestyles.
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The last woman I was in a relationship was like that, she had taken out a "contract" with people before, wore a chain round her neck with a padlock etc. Personally before I got with her I had no real idea about that kinda stuff but that changed.

The only issue I found with being with someone that was 100% submissive was it opened up a "dark" part of me I never knew was there & I actually liked to do stuff that most women would tell the police about & have you arrested for assault.

What are the 11 types of lifestyle you talk of?
 
Zopiclone bandit said:
The last woman I was in a relationship was like that, she had taken out a "contract" with people before, wore a chain round her neck with a padlock etc. Personally before I got with her I had no real idea about that kinda stuff but that changed.

The only issue I found with being with someone that was 100% submissive was it opened up a "dark" part of me I never knew was there & I actually liked to do stuff that most women would tell the police about & have you arrested for assault.

What are the 11 types of lifestyle you talk of?
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Once again there is that fine line i spoke of before and as long as it is consensual and you keep one other the other two key elements, you will never cross that line.

In regards to the "dark side", everyone has a little of that dark side beit they like to perform it or receive it. There is nothing wrong with giving in to that dark side as long as you adhere to the Safeword and/or make sure what you are doing is safe. However, a Dom/sub lifestyle is not BDSM, fantasies, humiliation, etc 100% of the time.

Of the 11 different lifestyles, my wife and I have done Conditioning, Permitive and Normal. There is also:
4) Daddy/little one
5) Master/slave
6) Sire/servant
7) Domination
8] Submissive Dominator
9) Sex Slave
10) Assuming Roles
and
11) Switching

Those are the main lifestyles. Granted a variation/combination of one/many can be done as well.
 
Wolie83 said:
the sub would need to ask to use the facilities and have permission in order for the belt to come off.

That being said, not all use a charity belt. I do not use one on my sub.
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You never told me how expensive charity belts are. Would I find one here?


Hartlepool.JPG
 
w01fg4ng said:
You never told me how expensive charity belts are. Would I find one here?


Hartlepool.JPG
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Lol...i highly doubt that. Even though I have an inclination towards the belief that you are jesting...i will humor you.

There are Dom/sub online stores you can visit...Adam and Eve might have some as well. There is also https://www.domsubliving.com/

Though I do not know if you are able to get a charity belt there, but it is a good place to learn about Dom/sub. Granted it is not a set in stone way to do Dom/sub...it is just a guideline.
 
Zopiclone bandit said:
Erm.........is that what I think it is?
Kinda wrong imho if it is.............well not "kinda" it is VERY wrong!
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Daddy/little one is two adults. The male (Dominant) plays the "daddy" role and the female (submissive) plays the "little one" role. It does not involve actual little ones at all. All Dom/sub evolves consenting adults.
Granted it can also be altered to Mommy/little one.

At it's core, it is a dark fantasy that people play out...nothing more.
 
I dunno. I like being submissive in the context of sex but something like this I'm not sure I would feel comfortable with 24/7. I already have a poor enough self-image from being who I am and liking what I like, I think being in that mode constantly would just make things worse. How do you deal with the psychological aspects of it? I'm not trying to malign the lifestyle at all, but is there ever the risk that one or both parties get a little too carried away? Is there a risk of lasting damage? I know with other forms of BDSM there's a kind of recovery period (I forget what the word for it is) after sex to sort of bring people back to reality where they're both human beings and loved and that sort of thing, does something like this factor into it all?
 
Wolie83 said:
If you are still talking about for a charity belt...then neither.

If you are talking for consensual bondage...i prefer rope...however, my sub prefers bondage tape.
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What would you recommend making a Charity/belt out of?
 
Factualist said:
I dunno. I like being submissive in the context of sex but something like this I'm not sure I would feel comfortable with 24/7. I already have a poor enough self-image from being who I am and liking what I like, I think being in that mode constantly would just make things worse. How do you deal with the psychological aspects of it? I'm not trying to malign the lifestyle at all, but is there ever the risk that one or both parties get a little too carried away? Is there a risk of lasting damage? I know with other forms of BDSM there's a kind of recovery period (I forget what the word for it is) after sex to sort of bring people back to reality where they're both human beings and loved and that sort of thing, does something like this factor into it all?
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*I just wanted start this response with this: A Dom/sub lifestyle is not BDSM and things of a sexual nature 24/7. There is so much more to get from a Dom/sub lifestyle.*

The second point I wanted to make is this...as you being a submissive, your Dom's number one priority should be to help you become a better version of yourself. My wife use to have horrible self-esteem issues, but as her Dom, my number one priority is her and her well-being...not my satisfaction. In a lifestyle, the Dom main duty is to help his/her sub learn, grow and become a better version of the person the sub wants to be. A true Dom is nurturing, caring, loving and will always place the subs well-being and state of mind before his/herself. That is a true Dom. Being a Dom is not about being a control freak, or having your way with your sub anytime you want. That is why there is a contract that is mutually beneficial.

As to how to keep it from going too far? It is easy (especially in the heat of the moment) to go too far. That is why there is a Safeword for the submissive to use when things have gone too far. When that safe word is used...the Dom MUST stop. Not just that action...they must stop the session.

The Time period you are talking about is the comforting stage. Whether it be cuddling, pillow talk, having a heart-to-heart. It can also be when the submissive is completely left alone. That time period is up to the submissive and how they want to unwind. You have to keep in mind that it is very taxing on the sub...so they need their time.

You also have to keep in mind that there is one lifestyle that almost negates all of this and the is the Master/slave lifestyle. However, a contract for that lifestyle is very specific and detailed. The "Master" cannot do anything that the sub has predisclosed as a "no fly zone".
 
w01fg4ng said:
What would you recommend making a Charity/belt out of?
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i would not suggest making one. I would suggest buying one. If done improperly, it can cause damage to the sub. No matter what it is made out of.
 
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