John Hancock
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2017
- Messages
- 1
I'm gonna try to keep this as short as possible but it's a very long story. Halloween 2015 me and 2 of my closest friends from high school are in college with 2 new friends we made in college on our way to pick up some acid which I was probably the most excited for. My high school friends and I had only done 25-I before and of course smoked a lot of weed, while one of the college friends had recently just started smoking and could barely even handle that. The other new friend on the other hand was very experienced with psychedelics.
For the first few hours of the trip I just feel happy no visuals or anything just pure happiness while we walk around and nature and while this is happening one of the new friends who is new to drugs keeps talking about death and kinda annoying everyone. We eventually end up walking to the apartment of a friend of my friends who I don't really know to smoke which is when it all goes down hill. At this point I don't even feel like I'm controlling myself I was telling them I was on auto pilot. We buy weed and my experienced friend rolls the blunt quicker than anyone I had ever seen in 18 years of living and it was perfect.
We start smoking and mid session another person I don't know comes in and I just felt a bad energy from him and the whole time I'm just quiet. We had been talking a lot all day but for the first time I was silent. The annoying friend was still tripping about death going crazy and what happens next was sort of a blur to me because I don't know the amount of time that had passed could've been 5 minutes could've been 5 hours I can't tell you because while this experience is happening I appear normal to my friends because I physically don't react. After smoking I start to see visuals and I can't even find a word to describe it but it looks like the with that music video by young thug as far as everything looking distorted. Then I just remember feeling like me and my friends had switched bodies and after that was over I just remember seeing myself at my funeral and I forget I'm on acid and really think I'm dead. Mind you my friend had been talking about death all day which I think is what put those thoughts in my head to cause that bad part of the trip. After the trip ends I'm in a state of shock I felt like I had just came into the world for the first time my freinds recorded of a video of me saying I just realized over and over which I don't even remember but they showed me so I guess it happened.
After the trip I swore I'd never touch acid or anything like it again but whenever I smoked I felt like I was on acid again and I relived the bad trip and even had the same visual distortions. I figure it will go away and keep smoking and then one night a month later I had a weird deja video sensation "which I now get everyday" and think nothing of it and keep smoking.The whole part of questioning life doesn't come until one night I'm stoned with my friend and he says what if when you're dying and your life flashes before your eyes it's you reliving your whole life literally. And ever since then I questioned everything which led to me driving myself crazy. I took what he said and figured what if I keep getting this deja vu cause I'm actually dead and this already happened. Before acid I would've never thought that deep into something stupid like that but the reality of it is I've convinced myself that I'm dead and even this post I'm typing right now I've already typed. All of this had left me very depressed and anti social because I'm to scared of death to enjoy life. I can't go 5 minutes without a negative thought popping into my head and I question everything. Nothing feels real to me anymore. People I've known my whole life And love I can't even look at the same anymore and enjoy their company because my life just feels like a huge joke because everything that happens to me feels like it already happened before. I feel like I'm just reliving my life until the point where I will relive my death again and i had intense dreams about myself that feel like memories and I'm not completely sure they're not memeories. I got a list of the things I think happened to me because of dreams/possible memories.
1. My friends brother kills me
2. I died during the acid trip and none of this is real
3. I never existed to begin with and nothing was ever real.
All of this could be completely false and I'm just crazy my thoughts are really all over the place and I need help. If you read this all the way through thank you and I know this may sound crazy cause I don't even believe it but ive convinced myself I'm dead/dying/ gonna die or never lived to begin with and it's eating me alive every day.
For the first few hours of the trip I just feel happy no visuals or anything just pure happiness while we walk around and nature and while this is happening one of the new friends who is new to drugs keeps talking about death and kinda annoying everyone. We eventually end up walking to the apartment of a friend of my friends who I don't really know to smoke which is when it all goes down hill. At this point I don't even feel like I'm controlling myself I was telling them I was on auto pilot. We buy weed and my experienced friend rolls the blunt quicker than anyone I had ever seen in 18 years of living and it was perfect.
We start smoking and mid session another person I don't know comes in and I just felt a bad energy from him and the whole time I'm just quiet. We had been talking a lot all day but for the first time I was silent. The annoying friend was still tripping about death going crazy and what happens next was sort of a blur to me because I don't know the amount of time that had passed could've been 5 minutes could've been 5 hours I can't tell you because while this experience is happening I appear normal to my friends because I physically don't react. After smoking I start to see visuals and I can't even find a word to describe it but it looks like the with that music video by young thug as far as everything looking distorted. Then I just remember feeling like me and my friends had switched bodies and after that was over I just remember seeing myself at my funeral and I forget I'm on acid and really think I'm dead. Mind you my friend had been talking about death all day which I think is what put those thoughts in my head to cause that bad part of the trip. After the trip ends I'm in a state of shock I felt like I had just came into the world for the first time my freinds recorded of a video of me saying I just realized over and over which I don't even remember but they showed me so I guess it happened.
After the trip I swore I'd never touch acid or anything like it again but whenever I smoked I felt like I was on acid again and I relived the bad trip and even had the same visual distortions. I figure it will go away and keep smoking and then one night a month later I had a weird deja video sensation "which I now get everyday" and think nothing of it and keep smoking.The whole part of questioning life doesn't come until one night I'm stoned with my friend and he says what if when you're dying and your life flashes before your eyes it's you reliving your whole life literally. And ever since then I questioned everything which led to me driving myself crazy. I took what he said and figured what if I keep getting this deja vu cause I'm actually dead and this already happened. Before acid I would've never thought that deep into something stupid like that but the reality of it is I've convinced myself that I'm dead and even this post I'm typing right now I've already typed. All of this had left me very depressed and anti social because I'm to scared of death to enjoy life. I can't go 5 minutes without a negative thought popping into my head and I question everything. Nothing feels real to me anymore. People I've known my whole life And love I can't even look at the same anymore and enjoy their company because my life just feels like a huge joke because everything that happens to me feels like it already happened before. I feel like I'm just reliving my life until the point where I will relive my death again and i had intense dreams about myself that feel like memories and I'm not completely sure they're not memeories. I got a list of the things I think happened to me because of dreams/possible memories.
1. My friends brother kills me
2. I died during the acid trip and none of this is real
3. I never existed to begin with and nothing was ever real.
All of this could be completely false and I'm just crazy my thoughts are really all over the place and I need help. If you read this all the way through thank you and I know this may sound crazy cause I don't even believe it but ive convinced myself I'm dead/dying/ gonna die or never lived to begin with and it's eating me alive every day.