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Question about sexual issue

N

NoInspiration

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 28, 2016
Messages
5
So, I have a girlfriend I regularly have intercourse with. However, during sex, after a while (usually a few minutes) I start to go soft. I usually only get a "reduced boner" basically, where I'm not as hard as normal. This is kind of a problem.

Now, I should mention that I have no trouble getting an erection and when I'm for example masturbating I also have no problem keeping it for long periods of time. I also usually have no problem staying erect while using my hands on my girlfriend, even though I'm not being stimulated myself.

It's something which confuses me and it tends to get in my mind. I often worry these days during sex that I'll go soft and so I often stop sex after a while for this reason.

Anyone got any tips, hints, etc?
 
You can get a ring that keeps the blood in, so to speak, and keeps you erect.


- hs
 
IDK man, it sounds like it's a pyscological issue.. maybe you're not comfortable with her? Maybe you don't like pussy as much as you think you do? Maybe you need to spice things up?


- Hopeless 7nos
 
Having the added fear or losing your desired erection may cause a negative cycle. Or so I have read, I have no penis of my own.

Let's change the perspective a bit. There is no universal rule that claims that you should prefer or get the most turned on by having penetrating vaginal sex. It is okay to prefer other things. You and your girlfriend are allowed to chose activities that you both are comfortable with and enjoy, in disregard from what is considered the normal standard.

If you or partner wish to have it as a part of your activities, one way of taking the pressure off the "performance" issue, is to allow yourself to go back and forth between different ways to pleasure each other. You do not need to build up and finish with vaginal intercourse. You can do it, and then go back to doing other things. If it is difficult to break up the established pattern, a good way to get more playfull and creative is to have sex in a different place. Move it to the sofa, kitchen table, floor or garage. Or if you usually have sex in those places, move it to the bedroom. Or just turn around in the bed, so feet and head is in the opposite direction.

Build up the expectations, change the mood and setting. If you are comfortable enough with each other, share desires. Would you like her to be more in control? If you are having vaginal intercourse in a traditional way, the guy is perhaps the (slightly) dominating in the situation. If she gives you a hand job, perhaps you feel that she is more in control? A lot of guys prefer to give up control in bed, as a pause from having to be in control the rest of the time.

Let go of the external expectations, play with it. Take turns in doing what each other enjoy. The only rules should be that it is equal enjoyable for you both, and nobody should get harmed. Getting a playful setting might be easier if you decide to just fool around, no orgasms. Perhaps you both get in a state where you need to break that rule, but the issue is really to toss away the "fondle-fondle, hump-hump, orgasm-ejaculation"-pattern. Treat it like a buffet, have fun, laugh and remember this is not the SAT.
 
^ Most of this is correct, but be careful about stopping and switching positions, or activities too often, sometimes this will affect a girl's build up to orgasm, some girls don't need much effort or time to acheive one, but others need the right stimulation and the right amount of time put in to acheive orgasm, and stopping too frequently can kill her build up.

You have to find out what turns you on, so you can stay erect. You said you don't have a problem while using your hands on your gf, can't you do this, or something close to this, while " in her"?


- Hopeless 7nos
 
But I would seriously look into the "ring" I suggested.. It just "slips" on, and you don't even have to think, or worry about maintaining your hardness, and they're fairly cheap too!


- HS
 
7nos-SS373dOH said:
IDK man, it sounds like it's a pyscological issue.. maybe you're not comfortable with her? Maybe you don't like pussy as much as you think you do? Maybe you need to spice things up?


- Hopeless 7nos
Click to expand...

I don't think it's physiological at least. Because I have no problem at other times. If it were physiological, I'm pretty sure it would happen regardless of the situation.
 
Pallyress said:
Having the added fear or losing your desired erection may cause a negative cycle. Or so I have read, I have no penis of my own.

Let's change the perspective a bit. There is no universal rule that claims that you should prefer or get the most turned on by having penetrating vaginal sex. It is okay to prefer other things. You and your girlfriend are allowed to chose activities that you both are comfortable with and enjoy, in disregard from what is considered the normal standard.

If you or partner wish to have it as a part of your activities, one way of taking the pressure off the "performance" issue, is to allow yourself to go back and forth between different ways to pleasure each other. You do not need to build up and finish with vaginal intercourse. You can do it, and then go back to doing other things. If it is difficult to break up the established pattern, a good way to get more playfull and creative is to have sex in a different place. Move it to the sofa, kitchen table, floor or garage. Or if you usually have sex in those places, move it to the bedroom. Or just turn around in the bed, so feet and head is in the opposite direction.

Build up the expectations, change the mood and setting. If you are comfortable enough with each other, share desires. Would you like her to be more in control? If you are having vaginal intercourse in a traditional way, the guy is perhaps the (slightly) dominating in the situation. If she gives you a hand job, perhaps you feel that she is more in control? A lot of guys prefer to give up control in bed, as a pause from having to be in control the rest of the time.

Let go of the external expectations, play with it. Take turns in doing what each other enjoy. The only rules should be that it is equal enjoyable for you both, and nobody should get harmed. Getting a playful setting might be easier if you decide to just fool around, no orgasms. Perhaps you both get in a state where you need to break that rule, but the issue is really to toss away the "fondle-fondle, hump-hump, orgasm-ejaculation"-pattern. Treat it like a buffet, have fun, laugh and remember this is not the SAT.
Click to expand...

Oh, it's definitely a negative spiral. Because once you start thinking about it, well...

It's not like I don't enjoy the sex, and she does too.
 
NoInspiration said:
I don't think it's physiological at least. Because I have no problem at other times. If it were physiological, I'm pretty sure it would happen regardless of the situation.
Click to expand...
Right, that's what I was thinking too. Which is a good thing, I would think. At least there isn't problems with the plumbing!


- Hopeless 7nos
 
7nos-SS373dOH said:
Right, that's what I was thinking too. Which is a good thing, I would think. At least there isn't problems with the plumbing!


- Hopeless 7nos
Click to expand...

Yes, fortunately. Though of course, that does make it difficult to figure out what the problem actually is and adress it. Which is somewhat bothersome...
 
sometimes if i'm fucking someone and they hurt my dick by bouncing too much or bending it in ways that my body doesnt like it will go softer as a form of protection. i never get problems with getting an erection but if you bounce on top and make me feel like "oh shit it doesn't go that way" or "fuck your gonna snap it" then instant boner kill
 
pofacedhoe said:
sometimes if i'm fucking someone and they hurt my dick by bouncing too much or bending it in ways that my body doesnt like it will go softer as a form of protection. i never get problems with getting an erection but if you bounce on top and make me feel like "oh shit it doesn't go that way" or "fuck your gonna snap it" then instant boner kill
Click to expand...
This made me laugh more than it should have..


- Hopeless 7nos
 
I have a question what are the chanses of a girl getting preg from precum if your penis was only in her for les than 15seconds if you both just got out of the pool and had been in it all day??
 
NoInspiration said:
I don't think it's physiological at least. Because I have no problem at other times. If it were physiological, I'm pretty sure it would happen regardless of the situation.
Click to expand...

I'd be inclined to disagree. The psychological issue may not effect you in all sexual outlets, but maybe there is something in the back of your mind that effects you during vaginal intercourse alone? I have had the same problem, and it is troubling, especially when the psychological issues may not be obvious right off the bat.
 
duck112 said:
I have a question what are the chanses of a girl getting preg from precum if your penis was only in her for les than 15seconds if you both just got out of the pool and had been in it all day??
Click to expand...

Not very likely at all, although it depends on how fertile that bitch is too. But why only 15 seconds? Lol were you a one pump chump, or did you get caught? I'm so intrigued.. And lmao@ the 'pool' back story..


- Hopeless 7nos
 
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