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Hopeless Punched a wall

Listening

Listening

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 17, 2009
Messages
806
I have no idea if this belongs here, but I have no friends to talk to. A few days ago I got into a stupid argument with my partner and ended up punching a brick wall. Now my arm is in a cast. Don't I feel like an idiot.

What led to my self-destructive act is my sensitivity to feeling like I am not able to be the partner that I want to be, nor the father that I want to be. Indeed, I often feel impotent when trying to be with my family in the best way that I know how. I tend to try too hard to overcome my self perceived limitations, and often it backfires in the resulting frustration. Here it backfired in a splendidly ironic way: making me feel even more useless than normal, now that I can't use my dominant hand.

The argument that triggered this wasn't even particularly bad. The problem for me was that my kids were in the next room arguing with each other, while we were arguing at the same time. I can't stand the trivial bickering, and yet there I was right in the middle of it. I was upset at a bunch of things that my partner said, but more than anything, it was the disappointment in myself that upset me so much. Now of course I have to layer on the self disappointment in how I reacted to the initial. At least the universe has a sense of humor. I'll just need to lighten up a little bit before I can appreciate it.

I'm feeling angry, ashamed, lonely, and altogether stuck.
 
I've had a lot of self destructive explosions in the past. Have definitely punched holes in walls, I've snapped a phone in half, etc. It's been difficult to just stop and breathe before flying off the handle. I actually overreacted to something this morning and flipped out. Luckily nothing came of it, but I felt bad about freaking out. You just have to find a way to forgive yourself, and try to do better in the future. The universe does indeed have a sense of humor, and it does indeed bite back, you've gotta be careful with it and find a way to control your anger.
 
Listening said:
I have no idea if this belongs here, but I have no friends to talk to. A few days ago I got into a stupid argument with my partner and ended up punching a brick wall. Now my arm is in a cast. Don't I feel like an idiot.

What led to my self-destructive act is my sensitivity to feeling like I am not able to be the partner that I want to be, nor the father that I want to be. Indeed, I often feel impotent when trying to be with my family in the best way that I know how. I tend to try too hard to overcome my self perceived limitations, and often it backfires in the resulting frustration. Here it backfired in a splendidly ironic way: making me feel even more useless than normal, now that I can't use my dominant hand.

The argument that triggered this wasn't even particularly bad. The problem for me was that my kids were in the next room arguing with each other, while we were arguing at the same time. I can't stand the trivial bickering, and yet there I was right in the middle of it. I was upset at a bunch of things that my partner said, but more than anything, it was the disappointment in myself that upset me so much. Now of course I have to layer on the self disappointment in how I reacted to the initial. At least the universe has a sense of humor. I'll just need to lighten up a little bit before I can appreciate it.

I'm feeling angry, ashamed, lonely, and altogether stuck.
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Is anger a problem for you? The amount of shame and regret you spoke about in your post indicates that you don't like this facet of yourself. Are these feelings of anger, resentment, self-disappointment, stupidity, loneliness, shame, common for you? Where does it stem from? It sounds like the kind of thing that is PERFECT to work through with a good therapist that you trust. Have you ever seen a counsellor/therapist/psychologist before?
 
I've gotten a boxer's fracture punching a metal door once. It really is a wild sensation to go from anger (for me it was a mixture of work stress, annoyance/anger at a person I hadn't ever verbalized, being hungry, and not really having any healthy coping mechanisms for medium term negative feelings) to pain and the disbelief that I have just injured myself, and the realization that I now have to be imprisoned for weeks in a cast.

I really understand how awful it feels to be rendered less capable from a moment of personal weakness.

I think you are on the right path, knowing the triggers for your anger. Working on those will be a long term journey. Getting a therapist can be a long and drawn out process (at least getting the right one for you), but it is nice to have somebody to talk to outside of your life. Short term, just try out coping mechanisms that aren't destructive. I often find they don't totally appease me, and I need to excercise hard, or get really into some music, or do a bunch of drugs (not great) after I get pushed past my limit, but I can keep my composure in the situation.

Anyway hope the hand heals up soon.
 
Skorpio said:
I've gotten a boxer's fracture punching a metal door once. It really is a wild sensation to go from anger (for me it was a mixture of work stress, annoyance/anger at a person I hadn't ever verbalized, being hungry, and not really having any healthy coping mechanisms for medium term negative feelings) to pain and the disbelief that I have just injured myself, and the realization that I now have to be imprisoned for weeks in a cast.

I really understand how awful it feels to be rendered less capable from a moment of personal weakness.
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I broke both my hands at the same time from a rage-induced wall-punching spree......THAT was a wake up call. I haven't done it since then.
 
Tell me about it still have a hole needs to be repaired and also did in a glass pane on a cabinet we are having them replaced anyways lol
 
Ive done this for fun and from anger. Kinda therapeutic but recommend wrapping hand and wearing gloves first... after a while it get easier. haha

edit: been decades ago done growd outta that phase
 
Do or try some strenuous outdoor work. Sweat take it out on shrubs trees lawn garden paint whatever. If talkin' to yer doc and meds aint workin get that energy out in a more constructive way. Hell... I used to could run forever but that is over. I do find yard work or home improvements help with channeling anger and gives ya a focus to try to see what that may be.
Maybe some of that shit I destroyed in the past/present was meant to be and possibly not meant to be or both.
What would be a hobby, sport or social gathering are you in if any?
I like food
creepin the creeps
peepin the peeps
and fiddinda send out these tweets #

:) :)
 
Thanks for the responses. I haven't punched any walls (or similar) since my post. Hopefully it's my last. Still, my relationship has been up and down. One minute I think, "gee, this may all work out after all," and the next I'm angry and snarling. My main trigger is when I feel that my wife is "lecturing" me or speaking to me disrespectfully. It doesn't help that it's usually in the context of something where I feel that I am taking the high ground and doing the right thing even though it's difficult. I feel that I may be in a toxic relationship, but I don't know. This stuff is tough to gauge from the inside.
 
Listening said:
Thanks for the responses. I haven't punched any walls (or similar) since my post. Hopefully it's my last. Still, my relationship has been up and down. One minute I think, "gee, this may all work out after all," and the next I'm angry and snarling. My main trigger is when I feel that my wife is "lecturing" me or speaking to me disrespectfully. It doesn't help that it's usually in the context of something where I feel that I am taking the high ground and doing the right thing even though it's difficult. I feel that I may be in a toxic relationship, but I don't know. This stuff is tough to gauge from the inside.
Click to expand...
From a completely objective outsider's view, yes it does appear that you're in a toxic relationship. I have been in MANY toxic relationships so I know all the signs. In a basic sense, if you feel that there are a lot of really high "ups" and then a lot of really deep "lows", or that it fluctuates rapidly between good and bad, or if you feel you're being treated unfairly or taken advantage of...those are some basic indicators that it's toxic. The question is, do you want out?
 
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