mrs.moon555
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2018
- Messages
- 10
PTSD and HPPD symptoms after bad trip
Hi everyone
So I decided to share my experience with psychedelics with you and hopefully get some advice on some issues that I'm currently dealing with. So I'm a 21 year old girl. It all started last August, I was on vacation with friends and we decided to try lsd for the first time. So we did and it was great. I took half a tab. I'm not sure how much it contained they only told me that one tab had one drop of acid. I've gotta say that it had a bitter taste so I guess it was a RC I wish I knew that at the time. Anyway so the first time was really nice, then one week later we decided to do it again. Again, half a tab, good trip etc. THEN one or two weeks later we decided to take one last time but this time the whole tab (such a stupid idea i know). The first few hours were good. Intense but good. I was laying down gazing at a tree literally crying out of happiness (I'm sure some of you might relate) but then like a second after that anxiety hit me. Real hard. I remember I started panicking and asking my friend questions like 'are we okay? are we gonna be fine?' I thought I'd stay like this forever. It was crazy I still to this day don't really know what triggered the bad trip because I was having fun and it felt like it came out of nowhere. The only thing I can think of is that it hadn't reach it's peak yet so the moment I started panicking was when it got really overwhelming to the point that I couldn't handle it. And that's how it went until almost the end of the trip (luckily it didn't last more than 4 hours) Of course I felt shitty afterwards but I went to sleep and was fine the next day. I continued to feel fine for some time until I started developing anxiety. I started having anxiety and panic attacks before going to sleep. At first I didn't know what it was so the anxiety gave me more anxiety because I thought I was sick or something. It only got worse for the next months. I was scared all the time about everything, I had at least 3 panic attacks per day, irrational fear of killing my cat without wanting to (which is one of the worst feelings ever) and I also have HPPD which makes me really depressed. I sure can say that these past months have been WAY worse than the trip itself. I don't get that many panic attacks any more but I do feel depressed because of all this and the fact that I don't feel normal anymore. I can't go out with my friends and drink alcohol like a normal young person without experiencing horrible panic attacks the day after. I still have weird thought patterns which I can't really explain but they sure make me anxious and depressed. And I feel like the panic attacks will get better (because they already have) but the weird,creepy thoughts won't. And the fact that I have no idea what the drug has really done to my brain scares the shit out of me. I used to be an outgoing person, I'm from Europe and we party a lot where I live and I really enjoyed doing that but now I can't because I'm afraid that I'll do more damage to my brain and HPPD will get worse if I drink a lot or take a stimulant for example. I just wanna feel normal again and live my life. And I know it's my fault and I made a lot of mistakes last summer please don't judge me because I already feel awful about it. I'm trying to accept it and maybe get something good out of it but it's hard. I want to believe that these symptoms are all just some issues I already had which have now surfaced and with work they'll get better but I also feel like the drug made the problem and I'm forever damaged and even if I get better at some point, the brain will never really forget and whatever else negative happens in the future it will trigger all these symptoms and I'll feel like this again. And in conclusion all that makes me to actually hate myself for being so stupid and naive. Sorry for this long post. If anyone is willing to help I would really appreciate it! Thank you
Hi everyone
So I decided to share my experience with psychedelics with you and hopefully get some advice on some issues that I'm currently dealing with. So I'm a 21 year old girl. It all started last August, I was on vacation with friends and we decided to try lsd for the first time. So we did and it was great. I took half a tab. I'm not sure how much it contained they only told me that one tab had one drop of acid. I've gotta say that it had a bitter taste so I guess it was a RC I wish I knew that at the time. Anyway so the first time was really nice, then one week later we decided to do it again. Again, half a tab, good trip etc. THEN one or two weeks later we decided to take one last time but this time the whole tab (such a stupid idea i know). The first few hours were good. Intense but good. I was laying down gazing at a tree literally crying out of happiness (I'm sure some of you might relate) but then like a second after that anxiety hit me. Real hard. I remember I started panicking and asking my friend questions like 'are we okay? are we gonna be fine?' I thought I'd stay like this forever. It was crazy I still to this day don't really know what triggered the bad trip because I was having fun and it felt like it came out of nowhere. The only thing I can think of is that it hadn't reach it's peak yet so the moment I started panicking was when it got really overwhelming to the point that I couldn't handle it. And that's how it went until almost the end of the trip (luckily it didn't last more than 4 hours) Of course I felt shitty afterwards but I went to sleep and was fine the next day. I continued to feel fine for some time until I started developing anxiety. I started having anxiety and panic attacks before going to sleep. At first I didn't know what it was so the anxiety gave me more anxiety because I thought I was sick or something. It only got worse for the next months. I was scared all the time about everything, I had at least 3 panic attacks per day, irrational fear of killing my cat without wanting to (which is one of the worst feelings ever) and I also have HPPD which makes me really depressed. I sure can say that these past months have been WAY worse than the trip itself. I don't get that many panic attacks any more but I do feel depressed because of all this and the fact that I don't feel normal anymore. I can't go out with my friends and drink alcohol like a normal young person without experiencing horrible panic attacks the day after. I still have weird thought patterns which I can't really explain but they sure make me anxious and depressed. And I feel like the panic attacks will get better (because they already have) but the weird,creepy thoughts won't. And the fact that I have no idea what the drug has really done to my brain scares the shit out of me. I used to be an outgoing person, I'm from Europe and we party a lot where I live and I really enjoyed doing that but now I can't because I'm afraid that I'll do more damage to my brain and HPPD will get worse if I drink a lot or take a stimulant for example. I just wanna feel normal again and live my life. And I know it's my fault and I made a lot of mistakes last summer please don't judge me because I already feel awful about it. I'm trying to accept it and maybe get something good out of it but it's hard. I want to believe that these symptoms are all just some issues I already had which have now surfaced and with work they'll get better but I also feel like the drug made the problem and I'm forever damaged and even if I get better at some point, the brain will never really forget and whatever else negative happens in the future it will trigger all these symptoms and I'll feel like this again. And in conclusion all that makes me to actually hate myself for being so stupid and naive. Sorry for this long post. If anyone is willing to help I would really appreciate it! Thank you
Last edited: