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PTSD symptoms after bad trip

mrs.moon555

mrs.moon555

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2018
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10
PTSD and HPPD symptoms after bad trip

Hi everyone :)
So I decided to share my experience with psychedelics with you and hopefully get some advice on some issues that I'm currently dealing with. So I'm a 21 year old girl. It all started last August, I was on vacation with friends and we decided to try lsd for the first time. So we did and it was great. I took half a tab. I'm not sure how much it contained they only told me that one tab had one drop of acid. I've gotta say that it had a bitter taste so I guess it was a RC I wish I knew that at the time. Anyway so the first time was really nice, then one week later we decided to do it again. Again, half a tab, good trip etc. THEN one or two weeks later we decided to take one last time but this time the whole tab (such a stupid idea i know). The first few hours were good. Intense but good. I was laying down gazing at a tree literally crying out of happiness (I'm sure some of you might relate) but then like a second after that anxiety hit me. Real hard. I remember I started panicking and asking my friend questions like 'are we okay? are we gonna be fine?' I thought I'd stay like this forever. It was crazy I still to this day don't really know what triggered the bad trip because I was having fun and it felt like it came out of nowhere. The only thing I can think of is that it hadn't reach it's peak yet so the moment I started panicking was when it got really overwhelming to the point that I couldn't handle it. And that's how it went until almost the end of the trip (luckily it didn't last more than 4 hours) Of course I felt shitty afterwards but I went to sleep and was fine the next day. I continued to feel fine for some time until I started developing anxiety. I started having anxiety and panic attacks before going to sleep. At first I didn't know what it was so the anxiety gave me more anxiety because I thought I was sick or something. It only got worse for the next months. I was scared all the time about everything, I had at least 3 panic attacks per day, irrational fear of killing my cat without wanting to (which is one of the worst feelings ever) and I also have HPPD which makes me really depressed. I sure can say that these past months have been WAY worse than the trip itself. I don't get that many panic attacks any more but I do feel depressed because of all this and the fact that I don't feel normal anymore. I can't go out with my friends and drink alcohol like a normal young person without experiencing horrible panic attacks the day after. I still have weird thought patterns which I can't really explain but they sure make me anxious and depressed. And I feel like the panic attacks will get better (because they already have) but the weird,creepy thoughts won't. And the fact that I have no idea what the drug has really done to my brain scares the shit out of me. I used to be an outgoing person, I'm from Europe and we party a lot where I live and I really enjoyed doing that but now I can't because I'm afraid that I'll do more damage to my brain and HPPD will get worse if I drink a lot or take a stimulant for example. I just wanna feel normal again and live my life. And I know it's my fault and I made a lot of mistakes last summer please don't judge me because I already feel awful about it. I'm trying to accept it and maybe get something good out of it but it's hard. I want to believe that these symptoms are all just some issues I already had which have now surfaced and with work they'll get better but I also feel like the drug made the problem and I'm forever damaged and even if I get better at some point, the brain will never really forget and whatever else negative happens in the future it will trigger all these symptoms and I'll feel like this again. And in conclusion all that makes me to actually hate myself for being so stupid and naive. Sorry for this long post. If anyone is willing to help I would really appreciate it! Thank you
 
Last edited:
Hey mrs.moon :) Welcome to Bluelight !

I've read your post and think you may get the best replies over in the Psychedelic Drugs sub forum. Would you like me to move it for you?
 
Hello :)
Thank you for your response. Yes a little help would be great! I'm not sure how it works yet but thank you very much!
 
Hi I've had a few bad trips in my life, they were over 20 years ago....2 bad trips on acid and 2 on shrooms, and to this day I can remember and feel everything that happened, and I think I always will.

never really thought that it would damage me in anyway just put it down to being a bad trip....the bad shrooms trip lasted at least 10 hours lol I wanted an ambulance called the hallucinations were fucked up... didn't stop me from tripping again.
 
NWI to PD by request mrs.moon555

Hope you find your answers, mrs.moon :)
 
Hi there! thank you for sharing your story. Did these trips change you in any way? Did they affect your everyday life?
 
Hi

No they were in my thoughts for a while, and the butt of a few jokes but they didn't change me.

I was always expecting flashbacks of some degree but never happened...

I put my bad trips down to taking too much of said hallucinogen so on my next go I would start small.
 
I've had a few pretty scarring trips as well. when I was 14 I had to save my friends life and stop him from choking on his own puke unconsciously while I was peaking on 7 or 8 grams of mushrooms. it was pretty traumatizing, doing psychedelics in general at that age is pretty intense because even if the trip wouldn't be bad It would more times than not be sensory overload to quite a degree emotionally and sensually. that experience of having to save my friend changed my thought patterns and made me really dwell on unhealthy thoughts and self criticize myself. I developed some pretty nasty thought patterns and anxiety as well. I took a long break from psychedelics after that time, everytime I would try to do mushrooms again I would see feel and even smell puke all over me and my surroundings, which obviously isn't the best sensory replication to have while tripping. but the good news is at this point 10 years later I can still enjoy the occasional trip, I've definitely had some crazy trips since then too but have enjoyed Aya mushrooms and LSD since then.

its funny because psychedelics broke me down so much but then years later they're what brought me back and gave me a lot of enlightenment. of course the psychedelics are never to blame here, they are tools to study perception and consciousness with, its us who sometimes find more than we were ready to deal with or approach them in the wrong light.

I find many times people who look to classic tryptamine psychedlics for a "party drug" like MDMA, more times than not they get pretty bad trips atleast sooner or later. instead of approaching it with humility and respect they want to use it as a fun time, and sometimes bite off more than they can chew.

its much more of a tool than a recreational drug in my opinion, I get very retrospective and make a lot of ground in contemplation.

everyone is different, sometimes these experiences can change our brain chemistry indefinitely. but what you're describing, although unpleasant , sounds like a FAIRLY normal thing that might happen to an over stimulatory /emotional experience on psychedelics for someone who was expecting something radically different.

ESPECIALLY if it was a RC chemical......a lot of the psychedelic amphetamines like the DOx family are sold as L now, but their duration is much longer. I'm guessing if it only lasted roughly 4 hours it was probably in the Nbome family.


one thing psychedelics did force me to do is get into meditation and mind exploration, maybe through an avenue like that you can dig a little deeper and unhook the claw of the thought processes you aren't enjoying. maybe even a little therapeutic MDMA session to work through some of those regressed emotions. or you might even have some success with micro dosing lsd. taking about 1/10th of a tab every 4th day for a month or so is the normal plan laid out by doctors like James fardiman. a microdose is a dose that has no subjective effects that you would feel but still have the positive neuronal changes that the chemical provides.

on psychedelics layers and layers of concepts and ideas are coming to you at once, theres so much that gets stored in your brain in these experiences that you aren't even conscious of.
 
I had a very similar experience to yours. The effects lasted for years until I got fed up with it and decided to do something extreme. I walked 12 miles a day for a month before I started seeing the symptoms go away. After the first two weeks I started jogging too, which sped up the process. I still need to exercise after doing that, but two to three times a week will do. I also want to say I think it is important that you begin exercising immediately. One of my biggest regrets is not doing it sooner. I was young when the bad trip made me dysfunctional. I have essentially wasted the peak of my youth fixing the effects of a few bad decisions. You're only a few months into this so you still have time to fix it. This is my recommendation: If you want your life back you're going to need to start exercising intensely. You can supplement with CBT, but trust me, this isn't something you can think your way out of. Every single person I know who has had their life ruined by acid or shrooms, all the people who have never recovered, none of them exercise. They all talk about "changing their mindset," and yet all of them stagnate. Exercise. It will change your life for the better.
 
Hi lunchbox thank you for your response. Your story is really interesting and I agree, psychedelics are indeed tools. However the mistake I made was that I thought I needed a life changing experience without actually realizing the power and potential risks of this. My big ego thought I could handle double the amount I took the first two times. I was so stupid that it didn't even cross my mind that I might have a bad experience (didn't even consider the fact that smoking weed gave me anxiety). So I wasn't ready at all. I didn't have a trip sitter nor a benzo. I didn't even know what a panic attack is. I guess that's why I thought I was going crazy. Now the thing is that after all these months of pure hell I'm really afraid of trying anything again. I do consider meditation though. I tried back when panic attacks were peaking but it didn't help. Now that I'm thinking more clearly it might actually help. Thanks again
 
Hi taleb. Thank you for this. Yes exercise is truly amazing for the body and the mind. I tell myself everyday that I should start exercising but the depression I've been feeling lately makes me postpone it everytime. I need to push myself. Thank you for the motivation.
 
Have you tried going out socially and having a few drinks and having some fun and laughs?

it sounds like acid/shrooms isn't your thing, and if you aren't prepared to try it again to try and over come the bad experience I would stay clear.

Like I said I had 4 bad trips out of a hell of a lot of good trips, so I've better memories of the good ones.

I used to pick mushies on a school night and take them raw and sit and try to do my homework tripping my balls off lol.

God knows what I've done to myself over the years lol....short term memory isn't the best.
 
And a bad trip is just one big panic attack but if you have good people round you it definitely helps.

I hope you can find a way through this, don't let it get the better of you, just put it down to a bad trip and try and move on, most people who do acid will experience it at some stage.

Dutch
 
I understand what it's like having that kind of depression. I didn't leave my house for months. I lost all my friends. When you have that kind of depression you can only do small things. You might think it's ridiculous, but I did one pushup a day for like three months just so I could build a habit of doing it. Once I built the habit of doing one a day, I started doing two. Then three, and so on. Some days I would cheat and do five or ten. Eventually after like a year or so, I got up to 400 total for the day. Start small. Don't be ashamed of doing something ridiculously easy as long as you do it every day so you can make a habit out of it. You are what you do repeatedly.
 
Oh yes I used to drink a lot until 3 months ago. While I was drunk I was really having fun but the day after was unbearable. I also did coke 5 months ago and I had so much fun but I can't even describe how shitty the next two days were. So I stay clear for now until I feel better again. But the thing is that the fear I have for psychedelics is because of all the stuff that have happened to me these past months. If the bad trip hadn't cause all this I would eventually want to trip again. But now I'm just afraid I might worsen the situation I am now + my HPPD :/
 
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I know how bad it feels. I keep pushing myself to stay close to the people I have because I don't want to be alone but sometimes it's just hard and I just want to be isolated from everything, even my own self(it sounds weird I know). Really glad that you managed to pick yourself up and do what you had to do. It takes a lot even for the small things. But thank you, you gave me hope and that's pretty much what I need rn
 
Took me over a year, actually probably closer to two, to recover from a trip I had back in 2014. It was LSD and it was my first trip ever. Mixed it with weed stupidly and wasn't prepared for what happened after. Left me with PTSD symptoms for several months and I never thought it would go away. Flinching at loud noises, tension in my head everyday that felt like my brain was swelling, severe anxiety, minor delusions, jolting awake during sleep, constant thinking about the trip literally every minute of every day, HPPD type visual snow, and not clear thinking. Eventually it went away !! I was in high school at the time and I just continued on with my life, changing some aspects about myself and still doing sports. Haven't touched a psychedelic since then because the experience left me so traumatized. Been 4 years. Lately I've finally been feeling like maybe I'm ready to try again, perhaps on a very light shroom dose. But I know I am still not prepared at this point in my life, so I'm not rushing it.
 
Glad that it went away. I hope you're feeling better now. I know how bad all this feels. Have you done anything else since then like MDMA or weed and if so how was it for you?
 
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