Hey guys
So i have a few issues right now.
Some basic info on me:
21 year old male. Previous drugs used (cocaine and amphetamines in excess) Ativan and cannabis has been tried a few times. I had a very adverse reaction to cannabis every time i have tried it and suffered extremely unpleasant effects for months after each time i tried cannabis. First time trying i was about 16 and i had what you would call a psychotic episode within minutes of trying it. For months after i suffered from severe depersonalization, vertigo, anxiety and what i believe could be called contamination OCD. For a good few years after i did not use any drugs then after a break up i started pretty bad on cocaine, amphetamines and benzos. I was using grams of cocaine daily for a few months before i snapped out of it. I was also using 4-5mg of lorazepam each night to sleep after my drugs.
I have been clean of stimulants for about 12 months now.
Although i am still taking 1mg of Lorazepam twice daily. I have been on Lorazepam now for a total of about 12 months and have been on a stabilized dosage of 2mg daily for over a month now. I tried coming off the Lorazepam and cut my dosage down by 80% and after about a week i was hospitalized with benzo withdrawal. That was about 2 months ago i have been stabilized on 2mg daily ever since!
But i have noticed things are just not so right at the minute. In the last 2 weeks or so i seem to be getting a lot of worrying psychological symptoms which i have not had for years!
1. I think my (self diagnosed) contamination OCD has returned. Because im absolutely paranoid about being poisoned or drugged. I constantly get thoughts throughout the day that people have put drugs in my food or its accidentally got into my food or on my skin. When i walk my dog at night im constantly thinking what if someone throws a bag of psychedelics out of the window like 2CB to drug me for a laugh. When i got my Chinese takeaway the other night i was thinking what if someone has put LSD in it for a laugh being near Halloween. Another example is when i was in a coffee shop the other day. I left a full cup of coffee because someone leaned over my table for a ash tray. And i was thinking what if something dropped off there sleeve or something into my drink. I KNOW THESE THOUGHTS ARE NOT GOING TO HAPPEN (IM NOT COMPLETELY PSYCHOTIC YET LOL) BUT I CANT BLOCK OUT THE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY MIND OR THE ANXIETY OF IT.
2. I have rituals where i think bad things are going to happen if i don't do them. These can be anything from keeping a additional browser tab open on my computer all the way to not touching taps and other things in the house or outside.
3. When i wake up in the morning i feel fine after a cigarette. But every single day about early evening i feel dissociated and dizzy. Its almost like my body is intoxicated. My speech can go slurred and i feel dizzy. The later in the day the worse it goes. By bed time im usually very dizzy and off balance and feel like ive drunk a bottle of vodka.
4. Im extremely paranoid of OD on my benzos and other medication. I mean i literally count the pills in the pack because sometimes i can not remember if i have taken my afternoon dosage or not.
5. I have lacked normal emotions from a very young age. And have always been in trouble with the law for various things. Due to impulse decisions and some kind of enjoyment from doing the wrong thing. I don't wish to hurt people and never have but i have a fair record as of now with the law. I have strong emotions for family and my ex girlfriend so i don't think im a psychopath lol.
My doctor knows im addicted to benzos and prescribes them for me. But i have not told them about any of these symptoms. What the fuck do you guys think is going on here? Could this be caused by long term use of benzos?
So i have a few issues right now.
Some basic info on me:
21 year old male. Previous drugs used (cocaine and amphetamines in excess) Ativan and cannabis has been tried a few times. I had a very adverse reaction to cannabis every time i have tried it and suffered extremely unpleasant effects for months after each time i tried cannabis. First time trying i was about 16 and i had what you would call a psychotic episode within minutes of trying it. For months after i suffered from severe depersonalization, vertigo, anxiety and what i believe could be called contamination OCD. For a good few years after i did not use any drugs then after a break up i started pretty bad on cocaine, amphetamines and benzos. I was using grams of cocaine daily for a few months before i snapped out of it. I was also using 4-5mg of lorazepam each night to sleep after my drugs.
I have been clean of stimulants for about 12 months now.
Although i am still taking 1mg of Lorazepam twice daily. I have been on Lorazepam now for a total of about 12 months and have been on a stabilized dosage of 2mg daily for over a month now. I tried coming off the Lorazepam and cut my dosage down by 80% and after about a week i was hospitalized with benzo withdrawal. That was about 2 months ago i have been stabilized on 2mg daily ever since!
But i have noticed things are just not so right at the minute. In the last 2 weeks or so i seem to be getting a lot of worrying psychological symptoms which i have not had for years!
1. I think my (self diagnosed) contamination OCD has returned. Because im absolutely paranoid about being poisoned or drugged. I constantly get thoughts throughout the day that people have put drugs in my food or its accidentally got into my food or on my skin. When i walk my dog at night im constantly thinking what if someone throws a bag of psychedelics out of the window like 2CB to drug me for a laugh. When i got my Chinese takeaway the other night i was thinking what if someone has put LSD in it for a laugh being near Halloween. Another example is when i was in a coffee shop the other day. I left a full cup of coffee because someone leaned over my table for a ash tray. And i was thinking what if something dropped off there sleeve or something into my drink. I KNOW THESE THOUGHTS ARE NOT GOING TO HAPPEN (IM NOT COMPLETELY PSYCHOTIC YET LOL) BUT I CANT BLOCK OUT THE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY MIND OR THE ANXIETY OF IT.
2. I have rituals where i think bad things are going to happen if i don't do them. These can be anything from keeping a additional browser tab open on my computer all the way to not touching taps and other things in the house or outside.
3. When i wake up in the morning i feel fine after a cigarette. But every single day about early evening i feel dissociated and dizzy. Its almost like my body is intoxicated. My speech can go slurred and i feel dizzy. The later in the day the worse it goes. By bed time im usually very dizzy and off balance and feel like ive drunk a bottle of vodka.
4. Im extremely paranoid of OD on my benzos and other medication. I mean i literally count the pills in the pack because sometimes i can not remember if i have taken my afternoon dosage or not.
5. I have lacked normal emotions from a very young age. And have always been in trouble with the law for various things. Due to impulse decisions and some kind of enjoyment from doing the wrong thing. I don't wish to hurt people and never have but i have a fair record as of now with the law. I have strong emotions for family and my ex girlfriend so i don't think im a psychopath lol.
My doctor knows im addicted to benzos and prescribes them for me. But i have not told them about any of these symptoms. What the fuck do you guys think is going on here? Could this be caused by long term use of benzos?
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