Mental Health Psychological problems? possible caused by benzos? (Contamination OCD)

[300THB]

Hey guys

So i have a few issues right now.

Some basic info on me:
21 year old male. Previous drugs used (cocaine and amphetamines in excess) Ativan and cannabis has been tried a few times. I had a very adverse reaction to cannabis every time i have tried it and suffered extremely unpleasant effects for months after each time i tried cannabis. First time trying i was about 16 and i had what you would call a psychotic episode within minutes of trying it. For months after i suffered from severe depersonalization, vertigo, anxiety and what i believe could be called contamination OCD. For a good few years after i did not use any drugs then after a break up i started pretty bad on cocaine, amphetamines and benzos. I was using grams of cocaine daily for a few months before i snapped out of it. I was also using 4-5mg of lorazepam each night to sleep after my drugs.

I have been clean of stimulants for about 12 months now.

Although i am still taking 1mg of Lorazepam twice daily. I have been on Lorazepam now for a total of about 12 months and have been on a stabilized dosage of 2mg daily for over a month now. I tried coming off the Lorazepam and cut my dosage down by 80% and after about a week i was hospitalized with benzo withdrawal. That was about 2 months ago i have been stabilized on 2mg daily ever since!

But i have noticed things are just not so right at the minute. In the last 2 weeks or so i seem to be getting a lot of worrying psychological symptoms which i have not had for years!

1. I think my (self diagnosed) contamination OCD has returned. Because im absolutely paranoid about being poisoned or drugged. I constantly get thoughts throughout the day that people have put drugs in my food or its accidentally got into my food or on my skin. When i walk my dog at night im constantly thinking what if someone throws a bag of psychedelics out of the window like 2CB to drug me for a laugh. When i got my Chinese takeaway the other night i was thinking what if someone has put LSD in it for a laugh being near Halloween. Another example is when i was in a coffee shop the other day. I left a full cup of coffee because someone leaned over my table for a ash tray. And i was thinking what if something dropped off there sleeve or something into my drink. I KNOW THESE THOUGHTS ARE NOT GOING TO HAPPEN (IM NOT COMPLETELY PSYCHOTIC YET LOL) BUT I CANT BLOCK OUT THE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY MIND OR THE ANXIETY OF IT.

2. I have rituals where i think bad things are going to happen if i don't do them. These can be anything from keeping a additional browser tab open on my computer all the way to not touching taps and other things in the house or outside.

3. When i wake up in the morning i feel fine after a cigarette. But every single day about early evening i feel dissociated and dizzy. Its almost like my body is intoxicated. My speech can go slurred and i feel dizzy. The later in the day the worse it goes. By bed time im usually very dizzy and off balance and feel like ive drunk a bottle of vodka.

4. Im extremely paranoid of OD on my benzos and other medication. I mean i literally count the pills in the pack because sometimes i can not remember if i have taken my afternoon dosage or not.

5. I have lacked normal emotions from a very young age. And have always been in trouble with the law for various things. Due to impulse decisions and some kind of enjoyment from doing the wrong thing. I don't wish to hurt people and never have but i have a fair record as of now with the law. I have strong emotions for family and my ex girlfriend so i don't think im a psychopath lol.

My doctor knows im addicted to benzos and prescribes them for me. But i have not told them about any of these symptoms. What the fuck do you guys think is going on here? Could this be caused by long term use of benzos?

 

[300THB]

I just want to go back to the normal way i felt 2-3 months a go

 

[kleinerkiffer]

Od - > Mental health

 

[cj]

Ok im taking a shot but this is like PHD level doctoring. Lorazepam can cause hallucinations in a small subset of people. Extrapolating from that its possible it might be more dangerous to someone prone to mental illness? Yeah I don't know but that is an interesting thought.

You need to level with your doctor. If he knows your dependent but still rights the script then he is probably a reasonable guy. Have you ever tried any anti-phychotics? SSRIS? SNRIs? If your on a cocktail of those meds then I would put it down to one of those way before the lorazepam but I am way out of my depth here.


Either way I doubt anyone here can give you anything better than an anecdotal guess. Your paying the asshole so you may as well let him do his job you know?

Benzo withdrawal made me briefly phychotic in the acute stages where as I have never had those symptoms before so if it started after the taper attempt then I would look at that as well. For what its worth Seroquel shut the voices I was hearing down in under an hour so the meds do work well for that kind of stuff.

 

[300THB]

Ok im taking a shot but this is like PHD level doctoring. Lorazepam can cause hallucinations in a small subset of people. Extrapolating from that its possible it might be more dangerous to someone prone to mental illness? Yeah I don't know but that is an interesting thought.

You need to level with your doctor. If he knows your dependent but still rights the script then he is probably a reasonable guy. Have you ever tried any anti-phychotics? SSRIS? SNRIs? If your on a cocktail of those meds then I would put it down to one of those way before the lorazepam but I am way out of my depth here.


Either way I doubt anyone here can give you anything better than an anecdotal guess. Your paying the asshole so you may as well let him do his job you know?

Benzo withdrawal made me briefly phychotic in the acute stages where as I have never had those symptoms before so if it started after the taper attempt then I would look at that as well. For what its worth Seroquel shut the voices I was hearing down in under an hour so the meds do work well for that kind of stuff.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I understand know one can give me a diagnosis on here and i do need to speak to my doctor. I was just hoping someone could give opinions what they think it is. I understand these are just opinions and cant replace doctors advice.

My uncle is a mental health nurse. And i have talked to him, he thinks the following.

I was sentenced a few years a go for drug supply and spent 12 months in prison. It should have been far longer but they got me out on a program with early release. Since then i have never broke the law so i did learn my lesson.

My uncle thinks that my psychotic reaction to cannabis when i was much younger has triggered a fear of losing control or being out of control due to drugs. So he thinks that this has caused some kind of contamination OCD due to a constant fear of accidentally ingesting them drugs.

He also thinks that because i was absolutely fine on the Lorazepam for over a year then when i made the stupid decision to reduce my dosage by 80% after being on for a straight 12 months that this caused acute benzo withdrawal. Which apparently even after stabilization back on the new dosage could possible cause lingering psychological symptoms.

Does this sound about right? he also thinks i may have a anti social personality disorder due to urges to do the wrong thing.

Because i felt fine on the Lorazepam, until i fucked with the dosages and gone into benzo withdrawal. Is it possible that symptoms from this could still last 1-2 months after going back on the original dosage?

I have not tried any anti psychotics or SSRIs! Although i did take a huge overdose of stimulants last year a huge cocktail 10+g amphetamine, over 10g cocaine, 15mg zopiclone, liters of vodka, 10mg lorazepam, klonopin and loads of other shit all in one night. But i have told my doctor about this and he referred me immediately to hospital to do tests for damage from this drug binge. They tested just about everything heart, liver, kidneys, blood cells ect and everything was clear.

Yes my doctor does write me prescriptions for 2mg Lorazepam daily. I think its more because he seen i was hospitalized over a benzo withdrawal and doesn't want to be responsible for me having a seizure lol.

 

[cj]

I think its the benzos. I am experiencing phychotic symptoms from benzos after a taper that was far too rapid.

 

[300THB]

I think its the benzos. I am experiencing phychotic symptoms from benzos after a taper that was far too rapid.

I think your right mate. So i think theres not much i can really do but wait until these symptoms pass although its been 2 months since going back on my original benzo dosage but i guess the trauma induced on the body from such a harsh withdrawal attempt will cause lingering symptoms.

But now my question is, do i begin my taper again or stay on my normal 2mg a day until these symptoms pass? Again i know most of you are not doctors but my doctor and uncle are pressuring me into starting a taper reducing 0.5mg every 2 weeks from my normal 2mg dosage. And i just feel its only going to be more damaging if i start it now before waiting for these symptoms to pass?

My uncle says they reduce people all the time on his mental ward in 0.5mg increments every 2 weeks and my doctor also says it wont cause any symptoms at this taper plan. But i don't know guys

My uncle seems to forget the fact that his patients are on other medication anti psychotics, lyrica, tramadol ect. So i really don't think my taper of 0.5mg every 2 weeks is so safe.

He also says that they stop the taper at 0.5mg and they keep the patients on this dosage long term, is there any reason for this?

 

[chelle216]

I was a relational OCD mess/nutcase towards the end of my 12 years of an everyday prescription of benzos. Some people are probably just predisposed to it. IME, it took 10 years, and it was a near overnight change that progressed to persecutory fear/delusions. I realized something was very wrong, but I wasn't 100% sure it was the benzos until nearing the end of my taper. I was fortunate that my doctor allowed me to discontinue at a rate I felt comfortable at, which ranged from 0.5mg to 0.25mg every two weeks or so. My max dose was 6mg of clonazepam, though I more often took 4mg instead; my taper lasted roughly six months. At one point, I also briefly had to go back to my original dosage for about a week and a half. I picked up my taper again at about 0.5mg higher than where I had left off. I'm of the opinion that it actually helped reset something which created a smoother end to the taper.

Ultimately, I went through three-four weeks of withdrawal for 12 years of use, so yes, some of us can get off much easier than others. Frankly, I'm upset I didn't do it sooner; for the first time since I was a teenager (when I was first prescribed) stress seems manageable. Moreover, I finally understand what people mean when they say they are happy. I know how difficult this all can be, so I want you to know there is hope and you will get better, even if you feel anxious and shitty now.

Anyhow, I have gotten the impression from several medical professionals that no one really wants to admit how difficult the withdrawal process may be, because they all see benzos as a mainstay of mental health treatment, because they've got such a wide therapeutic index. Then you've got the two main categories of prescribers, those that intend to keep patients on it forever, and those that insist on treating for a max of three months and basically dropping their patients off a cliff of abrupt cessation. Patients need their individualized treatment continued when deciding to discontinue a medication. If you feel unsafe dropping your dose by 0.5mg every two weeks, you must advocate for yourself. Try to reach a manageable middle ground with your provider.

As for the 0.5mg thing, it seems like it's more of a psychological hold that's being played on, though it might be a sort of allowance so that you have it when you need it for panic. Seriously, asking any doc for an emergency script after you've gotten off benzos completely comes with having to swallow your pride and can induce its own panic. If you want to be completely off of it, you'll get there, and I wish you the best of luck!