Hello there. Hope this is the right place to post this.
Bit of an introduction: I've discovered drugs 10 years ago and since then I always liked being high, I have an addictive personality, little self control and a predisposition to feel shitty in general. So the perfect recipe for disaster was always there. But despite having drugs regularly, like at least once a month in my most chill periods, I didn't develop any addictions (except for a couple of months of a mental, psychotic mephedrone addiction back in highschool).
So, let's cut to chase. Adulthood and responsibility arrived and I felt shittier then ever until I discovered ketamine. Everything started about a year ago. I was occasionally having fun with this drug and this fun soon became a daily habit up to a point where a day without it would be something to celebrate myself for. The tolerance became so high that sometimes I would need to snort 2 milligrams and barely feel something.
Now, couple of days have passed and I haven't touched a bit. I know I won't ever become abstinent, but I want to do everything with moderation. The point is I just don't know how to it. It's hard af, psychologically speaking. These last days I've been sleepless and depressive. I feel as if I have a shitty comedown from amphetamines.
I remember that at the beginning, when I was doing it occasionally, I noticed how good I felt even 2 or 3 days after. It made me happier and I was feeling happier even 3 days after not touching it. After that I read about it, so from what I understood ketamine is a good antidepressant. But I guess that like every antidepressant, the more you abuse it, the more depressed you'll became when you don't.
And anyways even when taking it daily, it started to make rather angry. I have these anger bursts that I've never had before (I'm a chill person). I also have these paranoish thoughts about how everybody will leave me.
My question would be, how do you guys or how do people you know deal with this psychological addiction?
The most annoying part of all this is not even the insomnia, it's just the way I'm constantly thinking about it. I do it like non stop. It's always in the back of my head. Sometimes, while at my job, I realize I'm not even concentrating on what I'm doing and I'm thinking about it. I just think at the next time I will allow myself to have some, or at how much money I will be able to spend on it, or any insignificant shit related to it. When I'm not thinking about it it's even worse. I'm just thinking at how lonely I am, at how I'm not doing well at my job, at how ugly I feel or whatever, it's all just negative shit. It makes me depressed af and when thinking about ketamine I actually find myself smiling like some dumb shit.
How should I become like I was before? I mean, still with negative thoughts and stuff (like every human on earth), but just better overall, still able to find that joy in regular things, still able to think about other stuff or simply still able to go out for a drink (just a drink).
Hope this is readable and not too pathetic.
Have a nice weekend !
Bit of an introduction: I've discovered drugs 10 years ago and since then I always liked being high, I have an addictive personality, little self control and a predisposition to feel shitty in general. So the perfect recipe for disaster was always there. But despite having drugs regularly, like at least once a month in my most chill periods, I didn't develop any addictions (except for a couple of months of a mental, psychotic mephedrone addiction back in highschool).
So, let's cut to chase. Adulthood and responsibility arrived and I felt shittier then ever until I discovered ketamine. Everything started about a year ago. I was occasionally having fun with this drug and this fun soon became a daily habit up to a point where a day without it would be something to celebrate myself for. The tolerance became so high that sometimes I would need to snort 2 milligrams and barely feel something.
Now, couple of days have passed and I haven't touched a bit. I know I won't ever become abstinent, but I want to do everything with moderation. The point is I just don't know how to it. It's hard af, psychologically speaking. These last days I've been sleepless and depressive. I feel as if I have a shitty comedown from amphetamines.
I remember that at the beginning, when I was doing it occasionally, I noticed how good I felt even 2 or 3 days after. It made me happier and I was feeling happier even 3 days after not touching it. After that I read about it, so from what I understood ketamine is a good antidepressant. But I guess that like every antidepressant, the more you abuse it, the more depressed you'll became when you don't.
And anyways even when taking it daily, it started to make rather angry. I have these anger bursts that I've never had before (I'm a chill person). I also have these paranoish thoughts about how everybody will leave me.
My question would be, how do you guys or how do people you know deal with this psychological addiction?
The most annoying part of all this is not even the insomnia, it's just the way I'm constantly thinking about it. I do it like non stop. It's always in the back of my head. Sometimes, while at my job, I realize I'm not even concentrating on what I'm doing and I'm thinking about it. I just think at the next time I will allow myself to have some, or at how much money I will be able to spend on it, or any insignificant shit related to it. When I'm not thinking about it it's even worse. I'm just thinking at how lonely I am, at how I'm not doing well at my job, at how ugly I feel or whatever, it's all just negative shit. It makes me depressed af and when thinking about ketamine I actually find myself smiling like some dumb shit.
How should I become like I was before? I mean, still with negative thoughts and stuff (like every human on earth), but just better overall, still able to find that joy in regular things, still able to think about other stuff or simply still able to go out for a drink (just a drink).
Hope this is readable and not too pathetic.
Have a nice weekend !
