Psychedelics brought out my underlying mental issues

[TheBlackPirate]

In the midst of challenging experiences people often loose perspective on past and present. This happens with some drugs and also mental illness. I offer a suggestion. Briefly journal your thoughts and review them in the future.

Perhaps on this day you were filled with thoughts of self harm or your hallucinations were particularly bothersome. Undoubtedly how you were feeling probably influenced recent behavior. Often realizing how different those experiences are from everyday life requires the input of a sober person or retrospectively looking at a journal.

Perhaps when things have brightened up in late spring you'll realize how different from normal these thoughts and subsequent actions were. With and without mental illness, moods fluctuate. This is human nature. Perhaps you'll realize these thoughts of self harm this winter were irrational and temporary. Perhaps you'll realize hyper focusing on your hallucinations exacerbated them when, in reality, they were nearly the same as always and benign. Maybe you'll have other observations when retrospectively reviewing your journal.

I hope the biggest observation involves gaining the perspective of how tumultuous life is. I am confident in the past you had tough experiences and eventually prevailed. I am confident wonderful and joyous experience also happened. Good and joyous experiences are in your future. Realize this in retrospect when looking at this journal.

-TheBlackPirate

 

[Plurple]

So, it's been about a month and I still haven't gotten around to finding a psychologist. However, I have been working to better myself. Like, getting out and going on hikes, focusing on a better diet, spending quality time with friends, and just trying to find things to keep myself busy. I've also gone from smoking 7+grams of cannabis a day to roughly a gram. Working my way down to smoking only on occasion or quitting on general is my goal.
If the voices started to bother me reading, listening to music, or cleaning really helped quiet them (at least for me). I tried writing down in a journal like TheBlackPirate mentioned, and I noticed some situations, and people in my life made the voices more prominent than others. So, I've been trying to work at the root of the cause and take control of the voices instead of letting them control me. I for sure feel better than when I first posted this thread

 

[CrypticArc]

Great to hear an update. Let us know when you find someone to talk to.

 

[Hexagon Sun]

I would recommend getting professional help but I would say first try a psychologist over a psychiatrist, the problem with psychiatrists is they had to go through medical to prescribe drugs and thats basically all they have time for. It way more profitable for them to send you away with a bottle of pills than to actually help you.

Another option would be to see a priest/pastor/shaman/spiritual healer. The voices you are hearing are most likely demons and they can be expelled from you through the power of Christ, or other beings with spiritual power like Buddha even.

I was going to suggest something quite similar. Look for an energetic therapist/chaman. They are the only that can cope with your case. Forget about medicals institutions that are not even conscient that this entities exist and are completely real.

Im talking from my very experience and works great. My bipolar was totally cured (7 years ago) with one energetic healer. He did more in few sessions that 5 previous years of occidental medicine.

 

[Plurple]

I had my first session with a psychologist the other day, and it was very uncomfortable.
Things started off okay just small talk trying to get a feel for each other. Once we started getting down to the issue and I told her the truth as to when all the voices had started, her whole attitude towards the situation shifted. She seemed almost disgusted with the fact that I was honest about taking psychedelics, and from that point forward talked to me like I was someone different.

All in all my first experience wasn't the greatest and she didn't really do much other than make me feel uncomfortable and helpless again. So, my search for someone that will actually help continues. If I can find a spiritual healer I will definitely look into it, but because I live in a very small town Christian community its hard to find someone.



However, even though this psychologist didn't offer much help, the voices have been getting quieter as time goes on. I've taught myself to be the observer of my thoughts and the voices instead of following everything that goes through my head. I'm not following toxic thought patterns as much, I've been more rooted with myself, and because of that the voices haven't been able to antagonize me like before. I still hear them and what they have to say to or about me, but I don't listen to what they have to say. Their words have no meaning to me. Maybe I can find the strength within myself to overcome this, but I'm still open to seek professional help if I can find the right person.

 

[CrypticArc]

^This sort of thing is trial and error. You really need to find someone you feel truly comfortable with or therapy flat out won't work. Ignorance about drugs is rampant. If you feel more comfortable, you don't even have to mention your drug use because many of the problems you are dealing with can be signs of trauma, and a traumatic event is a traumatic event whether or not it was caused by drugs. Sounds like there's a lesson to be learned here, in fact your words sound very similar to those of someone who's learning to meditate. I have confidence that you will come out the other side of this a better person with more mental discipline.

My theory is that psychedelics are a sort of short cut to a temporary state of enlightenment and that some people just aren't prepared for it, or can't properly filter things out because they never had the practice. Normally, learning not to align with your thoughts is a key component in the journey. In theory you're learning the lesson you took a shortcut around.

 

[Plurple]

Surprising update:
I decided that mentally I was ready to trip again. Not LSD, but my old friend psilocybin that I haven't touched in over a year. I decided that I no longer wanted these voices or toxic thoughts in my life to consume me, and that I felt comfortable using psilocybin as a guide to help me meditate and reconnect with myself.

I honestly don't have much explination for it, but it just felt like I broke through that wall and regained control. I became myself again.

I am by no means telling people with schizophrenia that mushrooms help, because honestly they don't, they just MIGHT help you find some inner strength. It was more so me just finding that inner peace/self that I had lost control of.

Will discuss in much greater detail in the morning, for now I will get some much needed peaceful sleep.

 

[Plurple]

Initially I was going to prepare our Liberty Caps into a tea, but after expressing to my friend that I was uncomfortable and mildly worried about the trip exaggerating what I was already feeling, we decided to use the escalator method instead. This helped ease me into the trip and made things a lot more comfortable.

I don't remember exactly what point in my experience that I broke through, but it literally felt like I broke out of that imaginary cell/box all the voices were keeping me prisoner in. I felt like a caged animal that ran for their life once they where free. Once I realized that I was stronger than them, and they absolutely have no power to manipulate me or control me they could no longer talk. I realized that the more I gave into them, the more they would taunt me.

So, out of this whole experience I would say that psilocybin has helped me in my journey to learn to meditate and become stronger as a person. In turn somehow helping me overcome and break free from those voices. I'm just glad that my experience was one that I could learn from and grow as a person instead of my mental issues getting worse.