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Miscellaneous Psychedelic Abuse ~ a compulsion toward escapism ~ the swirling paradigm

With covid and working at home, I've really have developed an addiction to psycedelics. Most weeks I take something on 2 days. Usually something like 10 mg of 2C-T-21; 15 mg of 2C-B, 25-50 mcg of ALD-52 or 1cP-LSD or 75-100 mcg of AL-LAD. Though every once in a while something more exotic.

Lately all too often combined with comething GABA - alternating between phenibut (500-1300 mg), pregabaline (100-600 mg) and GBL (2-2,5 ml). I guess boredom is a big factor, but also as enhancers of music, sex, nature and art. My doses keeps me more or less functional, so does not require too much of a commitment. I think thst I have a need for novelty driving my behaviour. With covid I've not been able to do my usual travel and martial arts training.

In my past I've been addicted to pot & kratom. Lately I've been getting back to taking about 40-50 mg decarbokylated hash in the evenings, but it often makes me anxious and stuck in negative thought loops. Still it brings some novelty in to my life. I have no problem at all being without it for a couple of days. I'm 50+ years old and have had a 20+ year long hiatus from psychedelics. But since rediscovering them about 5 years ago, they are so much more meaningful than especially alcohol. And most likely much less damaging. I'm more worried of my increasing desire for gaba-nergics, especially GBL.

So, that's my confession for tonight😉 - comming down from 10 mg of 2C-T-21 and having had a couple of glasses of red wine. Love the sharing of kindred souls here on BL!
 
Man, I wish I still had some 2C-T-21, that stuff is lovely. :) Been a long time.

But yeah, boredom is a killer... boredom is what leads to my periods of drug abuse, oftentimes. The first few months of lockdown last year were awful, ended up in the ER from a GHB/alcohol overdose, I was just pounding gabaergic drugs and stimulants to alleviate the boredom.
 
In a simple nutshell, I openly confess I am psychologically addicted to LSD, Cannabis, Kava, and Etizolam, which is the only one of those I most assuredly have a genuine physical addiction to also, at 10 to 15 mg's per day.

Escapisim is very central to it Im sure. Boredom. Frustration, pain, but also an inherent yearning for exploring the depths of my imagination, and sheer enjoyment of the higher consciousness, elevated psychedellic state.

I used to be psychologically addicted to MDMA, taking as many here are bored of hearing, around 3500 MDMA pills worth, including powder and crystal, from 1996 to 2005.

That only ceased due to my Lyme Disease and allergies.

And I'll be dead, unashamedly honest- in an age where such confessions are often met with bitter scorn from the modern, younger, net educated, "politically correct" harm reduction advocates- if I was not severely allergic to most drugs, surely including MDMA, I think I would still be taking MDMA left right and centre like there is no tomorrow (or maybe, no next week lol.)

The only "drug" I use, not addicted to, physically or psychologically, in sensible modereration and for functional, productive, medicinal purposes, is caffeine.

Black tea or coffee, one or two cups max a day, maybe 3 to 5 days a week currently.

For a needed spark of conscious energy at times, to counteract benzo and kava drowsiness, and caffeine is superbly helpful for bowel motility too.

Plus the tannin is underrated for it's anxiolytic properties.

All said- Im just a born explorer, true psychonaut as much as any to live.

Except the universe robbed me of my ability to be such.

Only LSD is tolerable to me allergenically, psychedellic wise. And the other drugs above...complete the only 5 drugs I am aware of currently which I can tolerate allergenically, but none are without allergy type symptoms.

If I was free from Allergies I am sure I would be as deep a diver as my muscles and consciousness (as in simply being able to decide to do something I mean), would allow.

I did finally at least break from LSD for an entire day yesterday. Was a trip in itself actually, and so peculiar actually beginning to not be tripping again after so long, relatively.
 
Vaping an 8th of cannabis per day here. I notice I can’t sleep without now, or get serious nausea on day 2 without.
Kava can really help to sleep, depending on the specific cultivar. Heavies like indicas, or headies like Sativa.

But all Kava is naturally sedative, very unlike Kratom where I never had any trouble staying awake, but actually slept brilliantly on kratom whenever I did hot the sack.

Mixing kava with cannabis magnifies the sleep inducing properties of both.
 
I’ve yet to try Kava, specifically because I heard it is moreish.
Weed is moreish enough for me, so because of this thread, I only had 4 bowls yesterday (about 2 gr.).
I’m going to Try tapering down to 2 bowls per day, but back pain sometimes dictates more use than I recreationally want.

This is good stuff to reflect personally on, and share. Thanks everyone for being here!
 
I tend to think addiction to psychedelic journeys is more an addiction to adventure rather than a soft cushy escape from life. Taking psychedelics can be anything but soft and cushy. So maybe it is along the same lines as rock climbing and hang gliding rather than say alcohol or heroin. Addiction is addiction. Anything that you feel is excess and is not suiting you well has to be looked at whether it is shopping, gambling, drugs, etc... One persons addiction may not be another's addiction, but it is safe to say anyone that stays drunk on alcohol all day have the same addiction as the other guy that does that too. Yet there are others that can drink 4 beers a night and not be addicted at all.

I admit I am astounded at how many long acting psychedelics a lot of you can shovel in. I mean I have seen it all here. Before Bluelight I think the only combination trip reports were written by say someone like DM Turner. That dude would take a host of psychedics and then rip a big vape hit of Salvinorin A at the peak. (His Salvia book is great) It think he was the first I read of hitting ketamine on top of a psychedelic. Now here at BL it is commonplace. The trip report section here has some pure gold.
 
Yeah it is certainly different from addiction to opiates, stimulants, or gabaergics. It's similar to how someone might get addicted to video games or something. It brings novelty into your life, and novelty is desirable, moreso for some than others. I think everyone I know who has had psychedelic addiction is someone who simply has an addictive personality, and people with addictive personalities tend to be passionate and inspired individuals. Generally a psychedelic addiction is a thing coming from a sense of joy and excitement. Nevertheless, it's still real, and it can still ultimately he detrimental, though certainly not to the same extent as addiction to hard drugs.

For me, it became escapism in a way, though I didn't see it that way at the time. I was not really happy in my life, my relationship was becoming steadily more and more toxic and I was unfulfilled by my job/career. Taking psychedelics often helped me to feel positive about life, to feel connected to a sense of purpose. It helped me focus on ideological things that I found really hard to focus on without them. But my life was out of balance still... it was real connection to these things, but not sustainable. I needed them in order to feel positive about life. Once I worked on the parts of my life that weren't working (bad relationship, opiate addiction), I was able to actually feel good and find the same connections without psychedelics. And now I can trip when it feels right and enjoy my experiences, and more or less be partly in the psychedelic state all the time because I have integrated it into my sober mind.

Psychedelic addiction was a fun period of time for me. I don't regret it, it helped make me who I am today, like all my experiences have. But I realize now that I was deluding myself quite a bit during that period of time, and I'm glad I'm not still there.
 
We can't go back and change anything.

Acid was widely considered a hard drug in the 70's and 80's so I think I was too involved with the "wholesome" cannabis option, as a creed - a better way.
My circle of friends was too timid to embrace acid the way I liked it. I can see that the weed thing sapped energy looking back, I missed several opportunities to improve my lot, both in university and later at work.

The cocaine craze of the late 70's and all the 80's presented a glamorous option that is mindlessly vacant. Energy, but too much self importance. Honestly meth is way better but also addictive as hell.

I wish I had been mini-dosing acid instead much more frequently in those years with less coke and weed. But it just did not come to pass in my world, and only in the last 18 yrs with salvia and 6 yrs with internet lysergamides have I got on top of things again, rather than waiting to get lucky to find 'cids or mushrooms every other year through the 90's and 00's.

Psychedelics are special, try not to consume mass quantities or you will miss the treasure they avail. And stay in the driver's seat with cannabis, it is an alternate universe, and a good pain medicine, but it turns us into imbeciles if we are sloppy, and I have been very much not-in-charge so many times because I loved cannabis to bits, missing important connections in the real world, that an easy going acid head would never miss in a million years.
 
im going to set off on a break from psychedelics til june or may if i find some shrooms growing. This will be my longest break in quite a long time i hope i can manage it i did not get any more acid so i have a small stockpile left 5 tabs that i will try keep to only this year. I feel mentally sharp but just spaced out and tired from missing a full nights sleep every week for a long time. I hope to regain more of the magic back because im so use to the experince even on high doses. One month is usually enough for a full reset when i did wait one month i had the full beyond this earth experince on just a one tab lower dose in December but then i started weekly and biweekly dosing again. Two weeks is still more magical than one week but still lacking that something super special that over a month gives. So i wonder what 4 months will do for me if i can resist the urge to trip again.
 
growing would be very economic and fun then
the dose is good almost nothing gives a good buzz and good effect but more is more awesome
 
I like the amsterdam vantage point
it's awesome
like if I was in amsterdam would I smoke
for me it's almost nothing
truthful and righteous
 
growing would be very economic and fun then
the dose is good almost nothing gives a good buzz and good effect but more is more awesome
nah, most of the oldsters consume mass quantities.

to get over that you have to develop awareness, then when you get a good effect, you know it and enjoy it.
mass quantities slam you down, and you miss 90% - it's a waste. yes buzz, but more like a chainsaw massacre
 
I certainly abused LSD in my early 20s using it daily for periods of time. I did the same with marijuana and hashish.
 
I’ve got a family member who Id say is addicted to psychedelics. To the point where me and my wife pretty much had to more or less drop him from our lives... It was hard to do too cuz I felt some guilt.

He’s the kind of guy that isn’t very socially adept, so when he’s trying to manipulate me for more drugs when I’ve grown up around addicts it comes across as cringe’y and annoying.

The last two times we hung with him he made it really awkward. I’ll tell them both.

So second to last time we hung with him he was about to head to jail for awhile and wanted one last hurrah. Me, my wife, him (wife’s family), and a couple of his (we’ll call him Z) friends head up to a remote cabin to trip for the weekend.

I as usual brought everything along. I gave them all more than enough to enjoy the weekend, and him even more knowing he’d be heading off soon.

The second night he just kept eating more and more psychedelics, smoking seems nonstop. It got to the point where I felt like giving him anymore was a waste of good drugs.

Then he starts trying to, very shitily I might add, manipulate me into giving him more. I’m very smart logical guy so kept shutting down all his reasoning. It was getting really weird cuz two mins later he’d try again, it was obvious to me and my wife he was just sitting there dwelling on more more more..

Next he did something that really pissed me off, he was like “I’ll give you any amount of money you want, why did you bring stuff along you didn’t want to share?” Which I quickly responded, “just because I bring my stash doesn’t mean you get it all..”

It got so weird I had to just say enough and go off to own room.

Next incident happened couple years back and was our last time seeing him.

I should start with the fact we had a female friend with us too freshly single, we told him and he went all “nice guy” on us too.

It was a long stressful weekend but essentially he was expecting us to babysit him and keep him from using too much yet simultaneously fighting us every step of the way.

The first night he tried a little K for his first time swearing he’d only do one. Next morning he’s in my tent begging me to get him a gram cuz “he swears he’ll only do a little then sell the rest.” I don’t get it for him but someone else does, then proceeds to act like an ass the rest of the weekend all faded,

The girl he thought he had a chance with he got all creepy about.. He kept following her around all weird, and when my other guy friend saw what was happening and tried protecting her a bit he got all pissy acting like he was “owed” her or something simply cuz we told him she was single.

In essence some of the most self entitled BS I’d ever seen. It was this experience that woke me up to the whole nice guy phenomenon, I didn’t even know it was a thing before this but open seeing that subreddit it screamed his exact actions.

I don’t know how I kept it all together that weekend because I had to deal with everyone’s emotions over this shit. I had to keep him kinda happy cuz he had a head full of acid and kept pulling that “woe is me” shit, I was worried he’d do something dumb. Had to keep my wife from freaking out how her family was acting. Had to keep friends feeling safe. All while I was balls deep myself...

Sorry had to vent about that shit. Addiction to other drugs is one thing but psychedelic addiction is very frustrating for me.

-GC
I know someone like this, he, combined with natural curiosity got me into drugs and alcohol at a very young age at 14, when he was a lot older. He is a polydrug addict and last I heard he had divorced his wife, relapsed bad with alcohol, and he would drink and smoke pot with their teenage children and their friends, and he takes and uses almost any drug he can get from a dealer or doctor. He wanted me to get him MDMA and I have never used it and I told him I am not a dealer and that I do not even use drugs anymore. I basically dropped him and I did this with people I knew who became addicted to heroin/opiates, and coke.
 
Any drug can be abused, even psychedelics. Psychedelics are just stereotyped like every other drug and it's either "It's caffeine so it's harmless" or "It's crack so it's 100% dirty and dangerous and IDC what people say". It's nearly always black and white and that's sadly because many people have little to no knowledge about the reality of drug harms outside of their own flawed reasoning. You can blame much of that on the current drug policies and decades of demonization, propaganda and hysteria from the sham that was (and still is) the war on drugs. You're either a crack head who lives in a cardboard box on the street or you're drinking energy drinks but you're acceptable and it's definetly not an addiction because energy drinks are legal so they aren't classed as drugs.

The biggest harms with psychedelics I believe is from their immense power to alter the psyche of an individual, particularly at the level of personality and in massive amounts. This can lead on to all sorts of consequences, both positive and negative, depending on the responses from the individual and their psychological makeup, perspective, personality structure etc. And whereas many people will have successful experiences with psychedelics and their experiences be profound and alter them in positive and beneficial ways, sometimes letting go of content that has been there up to an entire lifetime, sadly others cling on to the ability for these drugs to distance themselves from their everyday waking reality. The culture around psychedelics doesn't help either. You're told it's a good thing to do getting high on acid or mescaline for example, and it is in many respects if done correctly, yet people develop a psychedelic narcissism whereby they believe they have somehow accrued universal wisdom and accessed other realms that fellow mere mortals haven't accessed and therefore they are superior to those who haven't tripped. And so it becomes encouraged in many ways for an individual to have these experiences under the false pretense they are somehow improving themselves when in reality they are actually developing further dysfunctional coping mechansims and escaping from who they are, what they believe, their pasts, their present and their futures etc.

How many people can actually handle the substances they are using? That is the question. How many are really aware of their immense abilities to alter reality and to understand they are using drugs which are far more complex and powerful than they care to think? How many are prepared to look at psychedelics like any other drug and assess their usage on the reality of how they are affecting them and their potential for harm? And yes, psychedelics have harm potential and they do cause harms in society. That is a fact. While the harms might be lower this does not mean the consequences of abuse is less severe. The consequences could actually be worse because LSD will take you out to deep waters and if you are not prepared nor able to handle it, that could set the ball rolling for a whole other thing altogether, and not something particularly attractive and fashionable like taking psychedelics tend to be looked at as.

So I think it's really down to people being able to be honest with themselves. And just like narcissism itself, it's full of contradictions and flaws (hence what narcissism stands for in the context of an overblown ego and defense mechanisms that are set about refusing to acknowledge the reality behind certain delusions/belief systems, pertaining to the identity etc) and being able to stop these contradictions and the gaping flaws that often are present can really help (I believe, anyway) in giving people the much needed insight into what they are doing, whether they want to be doing it and whether they are doing it for beneficial purposes. Or quite simply, whether it's just another addiction and despite all the self improvement in the world they cannot begin to accept the very drugs they are using are essentially a crutch to enable them to actually prevent themselves from gaining the self improvement they may so often boast about pursuing, while they at the same time, cannot see beyond their own incongruences.

I've met many people who have taken lots of psychedelics and yet very few are actually really improved. Perhaps at a micro-level, sure, they are to some degree but it's nothing substantial. Much of it is the grandiose thinking that comes from disconnection from reality which then acts as a reinforcement, albeit superficial and based on delusions of them somehow being better. They've been able to see beyond reality and now they manipulate it to meet their ends, but this is fruitless because it's essentially a delusion. The few that actually have improved didn't abuse them. They never formed addictions and they knew the limits. When you hear of the likes of psychedelic pioneers who so often get bundled into the category of frequent psychedelic users their usage compared to todays society is/was nothing. Terence McKenna for example took them more often when he was younger but then gradually reduced his experiences to the point where he wasn't taking them at all. Ram Dass stopped taking them after the 70s and spent his life finding new highs, which was from being around 30 until his death in his 80s (I believe he was in his eighties, someone might correct me on that one). It's easy to picture all these people dropping acid all the time but many of them were extremely rigorous in their usage and their regimens surrounding use. Many were academics and many were actually more qualified than most in administering and evaluating their effects. Today people have taken the words of these pioneers as Gospel and over-indulged to the point where perhaps the real value of taking psychedelics has diminished. This was partly the issue in the first place that got psychedelics made illegal as therapeutic use and research turned to mass usage and consequently abuse.

The way I see it, psychedelics are medicine. Medicine that at one point in history would be handed around the local community potentially gathered around a big tree or a fire or something like that. And it was used for the purpose of transforming consciousness, seeking answers, improving oneself and others, knocking down barriers (perceived and otherwise). It literally was what the definition of medicine is today (before medicine was bought out by big pharma). Today psychedelics tend to verge on the line between quackery and fringe 'psychology' and actual evidence based applied understanding and knowledge about their benefits for all the things we tend to relate to them. While you don't want to make everything too scientific and remove the unexplainable, the mystical, spiritual, the metaphysical, what cannot easily be quantified etc you also don't want them turning into drugs that inevitably carry a similiar label to other drugs that have far more negative connotations and just ruling them out as dangerous drugs without therapeutic benefits. It's a fine line and that is something people must understand, and what society must understand. I guess you could take this further and address all drugs on this basis and then perhaps assess their usage, merits and negatives and implications thereafter. At the core though? The individual is responsible and to simply believe psychedelics are harmless drugs without abuse potential is naive, immature and also the lack of understanding and knowledge we do not need associated with their therapeutic and beneficial use.
 
Interesting to hear everyone's experiences. Much earlier in life, I went through a prolonged phase of around two years when I tripped regularly, every three days during the summer breaks and three or four times a month during school on L or psilocybin. This only lasted for that period and after I easily reduced my trips to a couple of times a year when the situation was right.

I have had almost unlimited access to fire grass and concentrates for decades and for a over a decade I consumed 3 to 14 grams of top tier flower a day. As I aged I found I no longer enjoyed the effects and realized on this new years that I had not consumed any thc in a year and a half. I don't regret what i did and I don't miss it at all.

I sure have faced addiction with other substances, but not with psychedelics . They have helped me with overcoming addictions to other substances and I like to do an easy trip a few times a year, to reflect and reset, but I don't think that anything heavy will teach me anything I want to learn at this point.

I have also witnessed people struggle hard with concentrate addiction. Waking up to a dozen dabs and just continuing throughout their day from there. It will get prone people addicted and struggling. Dabs are a "Hard" drug imho. The respiratory effects alone can be substantial.
 
Pass summer I spent it microdosing 6 days a week with psychs or dissos or both.

No trouble at all. Unlimited energy, tons of connections. At the 3-4 months I started to feel a bit hooked and burnt. I naturally lost interest and I quitted without realizing. This winter Im mostly abstemious. I will probably repeat the cycle once the spring and the good weather comes back
 
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