sigmundfloyd25
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2008
- Messages
- 59
This is a long winded and honest view into my life, so I think I'll start with the question. Has anyone had a similar experience with psychedelics and how did you/(could you?) reform your relationship with them in a balanced and mindful way?
To me, psychedelics seem to be the least addictive class of drugs in their psychological effects, extreme introspection, the revealing of memories and emotions that have been buried, they force us to face our inner demons and skeletons in the closet through an intensely magnified lens. I always think of these tool lyrics,
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in
My shadow. My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within
I've been attached to that transformation for a long time now. So I suppose I always trusted in their truthfulness, trusted they would 'tell me to stop' when the time came. I was waiting for some kind of psychological disturbance, some huge fear that just said NO! but it never came.
I find myself in a strange and unbalanced relationship with them at this point. I've been tripping at the very least once a week for over two years. I've explored LSD and mushrooms to a great extent, some RC's and many plant drugs like amanitas, salvia ect. I've done and loved Ketamine on a few occasions but always kept a distance knowing that a truly addictive psychedelic would ruin my life without question. I've gotten to the point where even in the midst of some ridiculous combination i can still find myself bored and unimpressed. I also have a very heavy pot habit, stoned as often as possible whenever I'm awake. Smoking a lot of pot usually brings me back to a half tripping mindset, so essentially I could feel like i was tripping all the time. The negative effects of the pot habit are very obvious, depression, forgetfulness and general a-motivational effects. I suppose I couldn't separate the effects of the pot habit from the psyche habit and went back and forth blaming one or the other.
In many journeys of deep introspection I would see myself addicted to pot, but I would always forget about it (because I was smoking pot). Recently in a LSD trip I decided that this was the moment to take control and i decided to stop smoking pot for at least two weeks to clear up my head and get some energy and motivation. Just a few days later it became obvious that I would just end up compensating with all sorts of bizarre cocktails to stay high all the time. I decided that it was time to quit all drugs for a month out of respect for myself and the powerful substances. My last trip was my first time taking mescaline in the form of Peruvian torch, and proved to be a great choice, very calm and peaceful yet powerful perfect for preparing me for the strange month ahead. It's only day two with no drugs of any sort, still feel like I'm tripping. I wonder how long that will take to fade or if I have some sort of HPPD. Not too worried about it, I was basically asking for it anyways.
I want to establish meditation as my daily practice to achieve that higher state instead of pot. I want to approach myself and psychedelic drugs with the respect love and balance that they deserve. I don't want to fall back into old habits after this month. Buddhism is so right, attachment to anything, even these drugs that seem to free us of attachment, is always suffering. Any suggestions, similar experiences or insights would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for taking your time to glimpse into my life!
To me, psychedelics seem to be the least addictive class of drugs in their psychological effects, extreme introspection, the revealing of memories and emotions that have been buried, they force us to face our inner demons and skeletons in the closet through an intensely magnified lens. I always think of these tool lyrics,
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in
My shadow. My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within
I've been attached to that transformation for a long time now. So I suppose I always trusted in their truthfulness, trusted they would 'tell me to stop' when the time came. I was waiting for some kind of psychological disturbance, some huge fear that just said NO! but it never came.
I find myself in a strange and unbalanced relationship with them at this point. I've been tripping at the very least once a week for over two years. I've explored LSD and mushrooms to a great extent, some RC's and many plant drugs like amanitas, salvia ect. I've done and loved Ketamine on a few occasions but always kept a distance knowing that a truly addictive psychedelic would ruin my life without question. I've gotten to the point where even in the midst of some ridiculous combination i can still find myself bored and unimpressed. I also have a very heavy pot habit, stoned as often as possible whenever I'm awake. Smoking a lot of pot usually brings me back to a half tripping mindset, so essentially I could feel like i was tripping all the time. The negative effects of the pot habit are very obvious, depression, forgetfulness and general a-motivational effects. I suppose I couldn't separate the effects of the pot habit from the psyche habit and went back and forth blaming one or the other.
In many journeys of deep introspection I would see myself addicted to pot, but I would always forget about it (because I was smoking pot). Recently in a LSD trip I decided that this was the moment to take control and i decided to stop smoking pot for at least two weeks to clear up my head and get some energy and motivation. Just a few days later it became obvious that I would just end up compensating with all sorts of bizarre cocktails to stay high all the time. I decided that it was time to quit all drugs for a month out of respect for myself and the powerful substances. My last trip was my first time taking mescaline in the form of Peruvian torch, and proved to be a great choice, very calm and peaceful yet powerful perfect for preparing me for the strange month ahead. It's only day two with no drugs of any sort, still feel like I'm tripping. I wonder how long that will take to fade or if I have some sort of HPPD. Not too worried about it, I was basically asking for it anyways.
I want to establish meditation as my daily practice to achieve that higher state instead of pot. I want to approach myself and psychedelic drugs with the respect love and balance that they deserve. I don't want to fall back into old habits after this month. Buddhism is so right, attachment to anything, even these drugs that seem to free us of attachment, is always suffering. Any suggestions, similar experiences or insights would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for taking your time to glimpse into my life!