Psilocybin Healing - How Must I Prepare?

[Soul Garden]

Tonight I will be receiving anywhere from between 35-55g fresh cubensis. I plan on weighing out about 35-40g fresh which would equal about 3.5-4g dried. I want to take this specifically to "heal" myself.

I've read about psilocybin and how it causes neurogenesis in the hippocampus and supposedly builds and arranges neural pathways. It's believed psilocybin is an effective agent in the treatment of habits and uncontrollable behaviors. It can help depression and anxiety for months after use. It's been used to treat Vietnam war veterans with PTSD and such. I've also read a few links that suggest psilocybin can help schizophrenia, but I seriously doubt that though.

Anyways, I have had psychological issues that have increased steadily since the age of 11. I am now 19. The issues scare me and become severe sometimes. Most of it is related to childhood trauma, bullying, abuse, and many other problems. I have been exposed to stress with no periods of relief for years.

I have become detached, zoned out/dissociated on a daily basis, I have to focus on reality very hard to stay in it and to keep "awareness". I can only stay in reality for about 10 seconds max. My thoughts race and there's multiple thoughts all going on at once. They lack coherence and never seem to make sense.

I have periods of intense depression periods of mania. I've lost my ability to socialize effectively. I use to be more outgoing, had hobbies, got out a lot, etc... I've lost it all. I'm not interested in the opposite sex anymore (Definitely not interested in the same...) and recede from social situations. I feel as though most are against me and that I am doomed forever to not be a part of society, to not experience love or friendship, to not experience life, and to not experience true reality.

Long story short, it's scary as fuck. Nothing comes close to this. No ghosts, no vampires and werewolves, no war or battle, nothing. I realize I am slowly starting to lean towards psychosis. I know late in life I may meet a point of no return. This is nightmarish. I feel psilocybin is my last line of defense and only hope.


I have used psychedelics before and have an easy time keeping calm and sane during the experience. I've actually used mushrooms before, but at a low dose enough to produce laughter and some euphoria. I was amazed. That experience had allowed me to stop my mental processes. My mind was clear and I had a sense of being integrated into true reality.

No other psychedelic would I use for this. I truly believe psilocybin will help me. But how shall I prepare? I have already cleaned my setting and have candles lit. I have access to a stereo and instruments along with art equipment. For those of you who have taken similar journeys, what must I do to prepare?

 

[Burnt Offerings]

When I take psilocybin I get restless. Invariably there will come a time, usually a couple hours into it, when I'll want to take a walk. I especially enjoy beaches and parks but I've had fun just wandering through boring old suburban neighborhoods.

So for me personally setting doesn't really matter that much because I'm only going to change the setting eventually anyway. The only psilocybin experience I consider "bad" (not in the sense of a "bad trip", just an experience I did not find very enjoyable) was when I wanted to go out for a walk but it was -30 degrees outside (I live about 100 miles away from the arctic circle) so I couldn't do that, at least not comfortably. So I felt trapped in one space, this space being my friend's cramped apartment.

 

[Bare_head]

Don't prepare just go with the flow,make sure you have no responsibilities and stay safe oh the psychological problems mental health issues might not be great to try this chemical ...

It can however spark something in your head , but I don't know, I feel quite like you and find it hard to think of going into psilocybin land again

 

[SKL]

Don't try and do this by yourself. All of the work that is being done with psychedelics in terms of "healing" is in a clinical or quasi-clinical, therapeutic context. Regrettably this is not readily attainable. However, your present symptoms and state of my to me would constitute an absolute contraindication to the use of psychedelics of any sort, but perhaps psilocybin in particular as it has a tendency towards dark undertones. If you are not feeling grounded, well and stable psychologically, psychedelics are not a good idea nor are they the solution to your problems.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

Upon re-reading the post, the fact that you feel like you're "leaning towards psychosis" is a bit worrying. If it were just depression then I'd say go for it, because psilocybin (in my experience) is the single most effective treatment for depression I've ever found. No other substance which can be administered in a single dose compares IMO. But the manifestation of psychotic symptoms means that I have a little bit of a harder time recommending psilocybin...