The alarm rang out, I moved sluggishly out of bed
I want to scream and shout, find a way out of my head
How long have I been trapped here? Almost thirty years
My peers never discovered all the pain, all the tears
Life hasn't been kind to me
If I took a step back in time, I'd see
So many lost ambitions as I began spiraling
but rewinding these memories gives me nothing but hindsight
Of paths I could have taken to make things feel right
but would it even feel right? I tend to ask the question
from decades of monotony that laced my depression
You can't do the same thing every single waking day,
and expect not to live jaded and full of dismay
my colorful future silently shaded to gray
an insidious lifestyle, your soul it eats away
though I say I did it for my kid, or I did it for the pay
but I knew deep down, there had to be another way
I can't remember the last time I smiled
Not even at the sight of my newborn child
Because I brought her into my world, of poverty and pollution
The money's apparent sovereignty fueled my delusions
that happiness could not be achieved, without capital
now I've deprived my family of the love they deserve
Wishing that I held them closer
though I do think of them first
Every time I go to work, America's only disease
corroding my identity, another cog in the machine
I went to school, got a job, bought a house, got married, shed some love, but was left with the burden I carried
I followed the formula, but lost my spirit when I did the math,
now the sand trickled down to the bottom of the hourglass
yet as stressful as it is, I continue to live
wishing that I had a smile full of love to give
But one day my daughter came to me
with open arms
and sorrow in her eyes, but hope in her heart
she told me that she saw the hurt I carried every day
she told me that it really isn't ever too late
She knew I fell down somewhere along the road
but her words carried me back to my long forgotten home
reaching out a hand, she said all I have to do is get back up
have trust in the ones that I care for and love
Because every minute I lived, she said it meant the world to her
my presence and misplaced care
and though I was hurt
the wounded are supposed to keep moving
with every step, every breath
the scars heal until only the memories are left
but they stay there to guide you
She spoke the truth, and I knew it
That in order to go you have to know where you were
because there's always a turn that leads to happiness
Once you give up the fight with yourself to live "right"
and pull yourself out of the hole, where the sun shines bright
the shadow reflected is a product of light
so I learned how to live on that night
I made a decision; I haven't wasted this life
every day is a beginning
and with that, I hugged my daughter
and walked hand in hand with her towards the sunrise
-
that's it for now! Night folks
