poledriver
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Police Officer On LSD Attempts To Save Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Mascot From Imaginary Fire
PHOENIX, AZ (AP) — Late last night, a Phoenix police officer broke into a local YMCA during a meeting for Christians who are striving to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. The officer’s intentions was to save the organization’s dolphin mascot from a burning fire, but it turned out there was no fire and detectives say the officer was on a “Massive amounts of LSD and hallucinating”.
When police arrived to arrest 41-year-old Tom Downey of the Phoenix Police Department, they found the man naked, running around in circles and chasing after the group’s dolphin mascot. Downey told detectives he had taken a mixture of LSD, cough medicine and antifreeze earlier that day.
“He believed that the residence was on fire and he was rescuing the organization’s dolphin mascot,” said Phoenix Officer Rico Lee. “I instructed the mascot to stop, drop and roll which calmed Downey down enough for us to put handcuffs on him. In Downey’s mind, once the dolphin was safe from this imaginary fire, then his job as a police officer was successful. If this had been a real fire, and Downey wouldn’t have been on acid, we would probably give him an award of some kind for bravery. Unfortunately there was no fire and he was on acid.”
37-year-old Paul Horner, AKA Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, a mascot for a Christian organization that travels around the country educating children about the dangers and consequences of touching yourself, told CNN about the events that occurred that evening at the YMCA.
“This man broke through the glass window to our room and started running around yelling ‘fire!’,” Horner said. “That’s when he set his sites on me, telling me that dolphins shouldn’t be out of water and that I was going to catch of fire if I didn’t immediately return to the ocean. I kept telling him that I wasn’t actually a real dolphin but just a man dressed up in a dolphin costume.” Horner continued, “Besides being on drugs, he looked like a heathenish self-rapist too. I’ll say a prayer for him, not a full-prayer though, just a half-prayer.”
41-year-old Phil Freedom, who was at the Christian meeting, witnessed the act in question by Officer Downey and Horner.
“This man was just standing there, naked, staring through the glass at our room where our meeting was going on with so much anger. He then broke through the glass and started running after the dolphin, taking off the mascot’s head and shouting obscenities. It was absolutely horrifying.”
Still in shock and recovering from the wild incident with Officer Downey, CNN asked Horner how he was holding up.
“Beneath this dolphin costume there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, and ideas are bulletproof,” Horner said. “Remember, remember the 5th of November – which happens to be my birthday. The gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.”
Downey has been charged with criminal trespassing, resisting arrest, assault, public intoxication and third degree criminal mischief and put in the Phoenix county jail on a $25,000 bail.
This is not the first run in for officer Downey with narcotics. In 2015, Downey was under investigation for an undocumented kilogram of pure cocaine that was found in Downey’s squad car, but due to a technicality, Downey was never charged.
Downey faces a suspension, possible termination and prison time.
http://cnn.com.de/news/police-officer-saves-dolphin-mascot-imaginary-fire/
PHOENIX, AZ (AP) — Late last night, a Phoenix police officer broke into a local YMCA during a meeting for Christians who are striving to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. The officer’s intentions was to save the organization’s dolphin mascot from a burning fire, but it turned out there was no fire and detectives say the officer was on a “Massive amounts of LSD and hallucinating”.
When police arrived to arrest 41-year-old Tom Downey of the Phoenix Police Department, they found the man naked, running around in circles and chasing after the group’s dolphin mascot. Downey told detectives he had taken a mixture of LSD, cough medicine and antifreeze earlier that day.
“He believed that the residence was on fire and he was rescuing the organization’s dolphin mascot,” said Phoenix Officer Rico Lee. “I instructed the mascot to stop, drop and roll which calmed Downey down enough for us to put handcuffs on him. In Downey’s mind, once the dolphin was safe from this imaginary fire, then his job as a police officer was successful. If this had been a real fire, and Downey wouldn’t have been on acid, we would probably give him an award of some kind for bravery. Unfortunately there was no fire and he was on acid.”
37-year-old Paul Horner, AKA Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, a mascot for a Christian organization that travels around the country educating children about the dangers and consequences of touching yourself, told CNN about the events that occurred that evening at the YMCA.
“This man broke through the glass window to our room and started running around yelling ‘fire!’,” Horner said. “That’s when he set his sites on me, telling me that dolphins shouldn’t be out of water and that I was going to catch of fire if I didn’t immediately return to the ocean. I kept telling him that I wasn’t actually a real dolphin but just a man dressed up in a dolphin costume.” Horner continued, “Besides being on drugs, he looked like a heathenish self-rapist too. I’ll say a prayer for him, not a full-prayer though, just a half-prayer.”
41-year-old Phil Freedom, who was at the Christian meeting, witnessed the act in question by Officer Downey and Horner.
“This man was just standing there, naked, staring through the glass at our room where our meeting was going on with so much anger. He then broke through the glass and started running after the dolphin, taking off the mascot’s head and shouting obscenities. It was absolutely horrifying.”
Still in shock and recovering from the wild incident with Officer Downey, CNN asked Horner how he was holding up.
“Beneath this dolphin costume there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, and ideas are bulletproof,” Horner said. “Remember, remember the 5th of November – which happens to be my birthday. The gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.”
Downey has been charged with criminal trespassing, resisting arrest, assault, public intoxication and third degree criminal mischief and put in the Phoenix county jail on a $25,000 bail.
This is not the first run in for officer Downey with narcotics. In 2015, Downey was under investigation for an undocumented kilogram of pure cocaine that was found in Downey’s squad car, but due to a technicality, Downey was never charged.
Downey faces a suspension, possible termination and prison time.
http://cnn.com.de/news/police-officer-saves-dolphin-mascot-imaginary-fire/
