MadamHatter
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2016
- Messages
- 32
I've been an IV heroin user for about 4 years, pretty much without break. I have been in the methadone clinic twice, but still used while in the program.
Recent circumstances have forced me to have to make changes. I detoxed at home for the first time about 3 weeks ago. I haven't felt right since.
I thought once I got past the withdrawals I would feel happier...free. but instead I feel a depression so deep and dark, it's like an evil spiritual affliction. I've still been using every couple days just to keep from offing myself and so I have enough energy/motivation to go to work.
I make sure not to use more than one day at a time to avoid developing a physical dependency again. I feel normal the day I use and halfway ok the next day, but the day after that the hell returns. I also still feel somewhat shitty physically without dope- feels like my thermostat is broken- I'm often cold yet sweaty and extremely fatigued, sometimes with a back ache but that's probably from laying in bed so much. On the days I don't use, I sometimes use kratom which helps some.
Is this normal? This level of misery? My whole world is gray. And if it is normal how long can I expect to feel this way? And how long does it take to physically feel all the way normal? And emotionally how long to adjust? If this is how life is going to be I don't think I can hang on
Recent circumstances have forced me to have to make changes. I detoxed at home for the first time about 3 weeks ago. I haven't felt right since.
I thought once I got past the withdrawals I would feel happier...free. but instead I feel a depression so deep and dark, it's like an evil spiritual affliction. I've still been using every couple days just to keep from offing myself and so I have enough energy/motivation to go to work.
I make sure not to use more than one day at a time to avoid developing a physical dependency again. I feel normal the day I use and halfway ok the next day, but the day after that the hell returns. I also still feel somewhat shitty physically without dope- feels like my thermostat is broken- I'm often cold yet sweaty and extremely fatigued, sometimes with a back ache but that's probably from laying in bed so much. On the days I don't use, I sometimes use kratom which helps some.
Is this normal? This level of misery? My whole world is gray. And if it is normal how long can I expect to feel this way? And how long does it take to physically feel all the way normal? And emotionally how long to adjust? If this is how life is going to be I don't think I can hang on