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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

PLEASE HELP ugh.....

H

Hydrospy

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 6, 2017
Messages
31
Even the title is embaressing....im a good guy from a good family a 33 yr old male and ive got fking addicted to smoking dope im so ashamed and scared...i have a prescription for hydromorphone for a nasty hip problem and id burn thru it so fast then go smoke heroin for fuck sake im so ashamed of myself i cant have been doing it more than 5 weeks but i did ALOT and im guna fucjing stop i get my script tomorrpw 4x 12mg hydromorphone per day so that will help i dont wana touch that junk again im almost in tears writing this im a disgusting piece of shit and NOONE knows ive been doing this wtf am i guna do am i guna be able.yo go back to just my pills i will continue to abuse em a bit obv but i wont do more than my dose so i dnt run out.....im fucking terrified.of withdrawals had my last smoke an hour ago and im done i have some left but fuck it im so fucking unreal ashamed of myself i cant believe ive done what i have what a fucking idiot!why did i do this i just didnt want to gwt sick omg im guna be so fucked but im doing it please any advice a timeline some help what do i do please help me im so sorry im so upset and scared ......ugh
 
Man you gotta cut yourself some slack. What's done is done and can't be undone. Beating yourself up will keep you feeling shame which in turn could be the catalyst to your continued use. Withdrawals suck but you have to go through them to get to the other side. You are NOT a piece of shit and berating yourself for something that you can't change is unproductive. Treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love. Be kind to yourself. Eat something and get some sleep. Say nice things to yourself or at least say positive things.
 
You may experience some discomfort transitioning back to your medication but I don't think you will have full on withdrawals. You're not a bad person for getting on heroin. Be proud of yourself for realizing you need to stop! You will be okay, just don't go back to it.
 
No offense but what's actually worse is the way you think about yourself.

Not that you do heroin, man doing heroin is not a bad thing. But thinking about yourself that low is embarrassing. You gotta respect yourself more man, seriously.

I hope you get the help you need with your addiction though, but honestly doing heroin is not such a bad thing, do not let society's stigmas rule how you think about certain things. Like I said, the worst thing about the post is how nasty you are to yourself.
 
Thanks alot for those replies.....i cant help feeling the shame but ur responses are absolutely fantastic....amazing and i feel like i dont deserve that kind of support especially from people i dont even know but believe me its greatly appreciated....today i get my prescription back....time to get off this crazy train before it derails and im lost for forever....it has been 5 weeks max since i started using it....really helped the wds in the beginning with very little now i can smoke alot n it doesnt really help as much infact it almost upsets my stomach now....societys views on H and the stigma attached to it really doesnt help....definately whats made me feel the shame....absolutely devestated with myself for letting things get this far vut absolutely cannot wait to get my presc and get the hell away from this substance! Ty for the help guys really needed to hear those kind words ?
 
Hey man, I'm in the same boat as you but have been doing it a year to the day, the self loathing is unreal, the shame, disgust & hate :( :( I'm here if you want to talk my friend, I could do with support too, it's a very lonely habit :(
 
Hydrospy said:
Thanks alot for those replies.....i cant help feeling the shame but ur responses are absolutely fantastic....amazing and i feel like i dont deserve that kind of support especially from people i dont even know but believe me its greatly appreciated....today i get my prescription back....time to get off this crazy train before it derails and im lost for forever....it has been 5 weeks max since i started using it....really helped the wds in the beginning with very little now i can smoke alot n it doesnt really help as much infact it almost upsets my stomach now....societys views on H and the stigma attached to it really doesnt help....definately whats made me feel the shame....absolutely devestated with myself for letting things get this far vut absolutely cannot wait to get my presc and get the hell away from this substance! Ty for the help guys really needed to hear those kind words ?
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Hey only 5 weeks of use is a BLESSING! Could be 5 years. Try not to beat yourself up dude. I felt so much shame for turning to heroin as well, you're definitely not alone. What is important now is what you plan to do going forward... starting right now. You have options. If at all possible you need to use your pain meds responsibility. You will still feel some discomfort, but if you use your pills wisely you will not experience full blown withdrawls. Check out the Sober Living forum on this website... there are a lot of good people on bluelight that would be more than willing to provide support (myself included). And feel free to PM me
 
Day one guys worked 5 hours so far only another 5 to get thru and i feel relatively ok atm....have taken all 4 hydros for the fay so if i make it thru work thats fine i can suffer wds at night if they come and can redose in the morn.....hope i can stick to this. Contact me via pm if anyone wants support we will help each other ok? Im gunna need it just how you will so im always here..... just another part of lifes struggle...so happy its only been 5 weeks of this shit but still feel so ashamed i ever went down this road....maybe ill get away with it and be ok i duno but i will really try and stop.....i know im lucky to have identified the problem so early and im lucky to have this script so i can escape relatively unscathed.....then begins the weaning off those once i do this first part.....guna take alot of strength and support but with ur guys help im hoping ill be successful :)
 
Hey man, Glad you got your scrip! Like it was said above, use your scrip responsibly aka ration out your doses, and you should be good man. Don't over think the situation! Try to look at your 5 week heroin use as a positive thing. It's an experience, that's all, and all experience have potential to shed positive light. Put societal norms aside, you were able to experience this substance and enjoy it safely (for the most part). Not only that, but the actual realization of quitting says a lot, too. Taking action says even more. You came to the right site for discussion, advice, feedback, etc. Don't shame yourself for this could become a catalyst for going back. Instead, think of this experience as something that really questioned your morals and ethics. Use this eye-opening realization as a positive catalyst to move forward.
Good luck homie,
LS
 
Ty bud....hour and half left of work and the shits have hit real bad ffs.....sweaty n gross too cudnt imagine doing this without my script i also have valium and trazadone so very lucky indeed...could be in a worse spot....took immodium way earlier so i assume it wore off ill just bring some to work tomorrow hopefully be over the worst by the weekend....thx guys
 
Just got home took a valium an immodium and 100mg trazodone....shud be ok....hope it helps with sweating too!wont touch more of my prescription.....gota be responsible its all in the mind afterall right ?
 
Buddy, the only "disgusting" thing about being addicted to or dependent upon Opioids is the fact that society makes you feel in such a way. I know this probably means little, but shame will not help you or any of your peers in these situations.
 
Hydrospy said:
Even the title is embaressing....im a good guy from a good family a 33 yr old male and ive got fking addicted to smoking dope im so ashamed and scared...i have a prescription for hydromorphone for a nasty hip problem and id burn thru it so fast then go smoke heroin for fuck sake im so ashamed of myself i cant have been doing it more than 5 weeks but i did ALOT and im guna fucjing stop i get my script tomorrpw 4x 12mg hydromorphone per day so that will help i dont wana touch that junk again im almost in tears writing this im a disgusting piece of shit and NOONE knows ive been doing this wtf am i guna do am i guna be able.yo go back to just my pills i will continue to abuse em a bit obv but i wont do more than my dose so i dnt run out.....im fucking terrified.of withdrawals had my last smoke an hour ago and im done i have some left but fuck it im so fucking unreal ashamed of myself i cant believe ive done what i have what a fucking idiot!why did i do this i just didnt want to gwt sick omg im guna be so fucked but im doing it please any advice a timeline some help what do i do please help me im so sorry im so upset and scared ......ugh
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Quit while you can my man, I'll be booking into an off-chore rehad soon as jolly old me finally fell into the trap that is Crystal Meth. Did it a few times over the years whatever, recently out of the blue bough a few bags just for me for a few days and wham! 2-3 months have passed and it is all I use now, well stimulant wise and already a tiny little piece of one of the back teech in my mouth broke of just like that, I'm not the tooth missing caste, these pearly whites were expensive son, Da Vanci's put in by the best cosmetic dentist in Sandton and that means the best on the continent. No no no this can't go on, this fucking thing is too strong for me to handle, I can handle shit but lady meth, oh no no this is something completely out of my league, I thought I was always the one picking up the others mess and threw the blankets on randomly located passed out party pooping weakling farts and then call it a week go to bed and call it a week. No Meth is something else. The clean time between weekly binges are closer and closer connected, fuck that, strongest stimulant known to man will not grab this druggie into it's clutches.

Meth and Herion, the two granddaddies you never touch...
 
So day 2 sitting on can at work have done 7 hours so far so 3 to go have more immodium with me ill take when u get up from here haha but really using the pain meds reaponsibly so im not freaking out or having body aches or anything just yet hopefully i wont....dont feel too bad today the traz and valium gave me a good sleep last nite woke once drenched in sweat but other than that ive been ok.....gf is coming over tonite i hope she doesnt wana do much as im absolutely wrecked i wasnt expecting to see her but last min she contacted sayin she was coming....love her but dont want her to see me struggling...deleted all numbers off my phone so wont even be contacting dealers nemore but i know whay yhey r like and will prob be contacting me eventually if they do ill block the numbers which i shuda done already to be fair lol....ugh ugly business and ugly world i want nothing to do with any of it
 
Keif' Richards said:
Buddy, the only "disgusting" thing about being addicted to or dependent upon Opioids is the fact that society makes you feel in such a way. I know this probably means little, but shame will not help you or any of your peers in these situations.
Click to expand...

this guy right here.
i am a perfectly happy heroin dependent person, were it not for society i could live mylife happy with my choices, but i have to hide in the shadow because i prefer to ingest a plant latex instead of societies favorites; smoking weird leaves or fermenting mould into a liquid and drinking that - sue me.
 
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Fair point.....and pharmaceutical grade pure H wud have little to no ill effects on health except the addiction etc and what comes with that.....cant help feeling the shame it really sucks but im not feeling too bad atm which is great
 
I am sorry for repeating this again because I've suggested in other threads but it doesn't look like I can PM you. Can you have someone hold your meds for you and dole them out each day? I understand its not possible for everyone to pull this off. However, if you do have the right support folks in your life, it may work for you. It has been a lifesaver for me. Hang in there!
 
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