Dear Bluelight,
I'm 21 years old, male
I'm here to share my experience with you guys and hope I can get some answers or other peeps experiences.
It all started about 3.5 years ago.
I just dropped out of college, and was left with a guy who became my best friend from my class.
We did alot of stuff together.
I quitted smoking weed for school but since I dropped out i started smoking weed once in a while again.
This continued on for like half a year until i started smoking more.
I also became really interested in psychedelic drugs like mushrooms and someone talked me into doing it.
This friend wasnt into drugs at all but as I started doing more and more drugs he saw me going into a downwards spiral.
I started experimenting with MDMA too and got myself some new friends who also experimented with drugs.
What we mainly did was smoking weed and drop some X occasionally.
My mom couldnt have me @ home anymore so I went to this home for people who got kicked out.
And guess what, almost everybody there smoked weed or did something.
The experimenting went on for like 1 year.
In this time I already had really bad drug experiences and bad trips but I continued using.
Until I was told to go to a rehab center.
After 4 weeks I was kicked out for some small things.
The 2nd day I was out I started using again with some guy I met in rehab , but not marijuana but other things since I thought it's not my main drug so I can just use other drugs.
His parents went away for 2 months so I stayed at his house for 2 months and it was using/drinking like almost every day.
I didn't know at the time but my mental state was getting worse and worse.
Eventually I started smoking weed too again and went to rehab for a second time.
Longest I quitted was like 6 months but this doesn't really count since I used occasionally in these 6 months. I was one big mess and I saw like no improvement to my mental symptoms wich caused me to start using again.
This went on for a couple of months and about 5 months ago I was so extremely miserable and anxious, socially anxious and just mentally confused that I couldn't continue anymore.
Btw, I forgot to say that i've also been gaming addicted since i was like 11.
So.. 5 months ago i made the choice to quit all drugs, but i couldn't quit gaming/mobile phone addiction by myself, so i made the choice to go to a rehab center again, where iam right now.
Symptoms I have :
Dizziness
Extreme social anxiety
General anxiety
Negative thoughts
Mentally confused (Sometimes i can barely speak)
Disrupted sleep pattern and really weird dreams.
I have like no energy at all
Guys, my life right now is living hell.
At this rehab center i'm at right now I feel like i'm the only person who has these kind of symptoms so I feel like I have no recognition with anyone.
Im really scared I triggered something by using drugs and I wont get better anymore.
I also talk to a psychologist and a psychiatrist.
My psychiatrist says I need to recover and it can take a long time. But Im really starting to give my hopes up because im already clean for 5 months and I see little to no difference.
Im also on antipsychotics to reduce the anxiety a bit, but I barely see a difference.
I'm having alot of suicidal thoughts and I have my doubts if my life will ever be normal again.
As of right now I have like no friends/contacts since i'm too messed to have any right now
I should say that like 2 weeks ago I had a really good week where I thought it was finally gonna be over but nope, it came back hard.
I just want to live my life again, drugs free.
I'm 21 years old, male
I'm here to share my experience with you guys and hope I can get some answers or other peeps experiences.
It all started about 3.5 years ago.
I just dropped out of college, and was left with a guy who became my best friend from my class.
We did alot of stuff together.
I quitted smoking weed for school but since I dropped out i started smoking weed once in a while again.
This continued on for like half a year until i started smoking more.
I also became really interested in psychedelic drugs like mushrooms and someone talked me into doing it.
This friend wasnt into drugs at all but as I started doing more and more drugs he saw me going into a downwards spiral.
I started experimenting with MDMA too and got myself some new friends who also experimented with drugs.
What we mainly did was smoking weed and drop some X occasionally.
My mom couldnt have me @ home anymore so I went to this home for people who got kicked out.
And guess what, almost everybody there smoked weed or did something.
The experimenting went on for like 1 year.
In this time I already had really bad drug experiences and bad trips but I continued using.
Until I was told to go to a rehab center.
After 4 weeks I was kicked out for some small things.
The 2nd day I was out I started using again with some guy I met in rehab , but not marijuana but other things since I thought it's not my main drug so I can just use other drugs.
His parents went away for 2 months so I stayed at his house for 2 months and it was using/drinking like almost every day.
I didn't know at the time but my mental state was getting worse and worse.
Eventually I started smoking weed too again and went to rehab for a second time.
Longest I quitted was like 6 months but this doesn't really count since I used occasionally in these 6 months. I was one big mess and I saw like no improvement to my mental symptoms wich caused me to start using again.
This went on for a couple of months and about 5 months ago I was so extremely miserable and anxious, socially anxious and just mentally confused that I couldn't continue anymore.
Btw, I forgot to say that i've also been gaming addicted since i was like 11.
So.. 5 months ago i made the choice to quit all drugs, but i couldn't quit gaming/mobile phone addiction by myself, so i made the choice to go to a rehab center again, where iam right now.
Symptoms I have :
Dizziness
Extreme social anxiety
General anxiety
Negative thoughts
Mentally confused (Sometimes i can barely speak)
Disrupted sleep pattern and really weird dreams.
I have like no energy at all
Guys, my life right now is living hell.
At this rehab center i'm at right now I feel like i'm the only person who has these kind of symptoms so I feel like I have no recognition with anyone.
Im really scared I triggered something by using drugs and I wont get better anymore.
I also talk to a psychologist and a psychiatrist.
My psychiatrist says I need to recover and it can take a long time. But Im really starting to give my hopes up because im already clean for 5 months and I see little to no difference.
Im also on antipsychotics to reduce the anxiety a bit, but I barely see a difference.
I'm having alot of suicidal thoughts and I have my doubts if my life will ever be normal again.
As of right now I have like no friends/contacts since i'm too messed to have any right now
I should say that like 2 weeks ago I had a really good week where I thought it was finally gonna be over but nope, it came back hard.
I just want to live my life again, drugs free.
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