I havent smoked crack since halloween 2022 and yet it still consumes a large part of my thoughts thinking about it multiple times a day. Ive got a small bit of extra money and hit up my guy how I havent talked to in 6 months. No telling if hes gonna be able to do it or if he will he hasn't answered back yet but here I am sitting here wondering "do I want him to come through?" or "maybe its better off if he doesn't answer. Ive already dug out my old antenna that gave me bell ringers every time compared to those shitty rose pipes that always crack down the middle and all I can think about is that phone alerting me to a text hopefully saying "yeah man come on through its ready". If he answers and comes through I only have enough money to smoke about 2 grams and then I wont be able to afford anymore for a long time and its just gonna renew my obsession with it and it will be fresh on my mind all the time as compared to only sometimes with 6 months clean. I really REALLY want to smoke but I know deep down Im better off if I don't I just love the shit so much everything about it , packing the chore melting it perfect, twisting the pipe and dancing the flame to get that perfect huge smooth hit that you feel straight down into your balls, hitting it where you are getting so much smoke you worry it could be too much but you keep inhaling anyway. GOD I HOPE HE ANSWERS!!!! Or do I ?
Cocaine Planning a relapse
- Thread starter MuertaMan
- Start date
Nurse Ratched
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2021
- Messages
- 9,679
Unfortunately..........yeah you do hope he gets back with ya. You have been craving it for awhile and finally just caved like we have all done.
What you really need to ask yourself ( since you know you want to use ) is can I afford to buy it. Or will I have to go without something else because of it.
Second question I would ask myself is you know you are going to want more once it's gone. It's a given that you will want more. Can you stop and not start pawning your stuff to get more? Can you just use, enjoy it, and then stop?
I know you don't really want to hear this but this fling with it isn't gonna help. It's not like you are going to do this and then all the cravings will be gone once it's over. You are still going to crave it and think about it and this relapse MAY awaken a sleeping giant.
You've gone this long. Why fuck it up? You may very well be able to put it down and walk away and not do anymore for awhile or it could do just the opposite. If you do get the crack make sure you have a benzo for the comedown and give someone your wallet to hold for you so you don't call your guy when the rocks are gone. Because you and I both know that when the rocks are gone if you have any money at your disposal you won't have it tomorrow.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Think long and hard about this. Unless you have it already it's not too late to say you changed your mind.
What you really need to ask yourself ( since you know you want to use ) is can I afford to buy it. Or will I have to go without something else because of it.
Second question I would ask myself is you know you are going to want more once it's gone. It's a given that you will want more. Can you stop and not start pawning your stuff to get more? Can you just use, enjoy it, and then stop?
I know you don't really want to hear this but this fling with it isn't gonna help. It's not like you are going to do this and then all the cravings will be gone once it's over. You are still going to crave it and think about it and this relapse MAY awaken a sleeping giant.
You've gone this long. Why fuck it up? You may very well be able to put it down and walk away and not do anymore for awhile or it could do just the opposite. If you do get the crack make sure you have a benzo for the comedown and give someone your wallet to hold for you so you don't call your guy when the rocks are gone. Because you and I both know that when the rocks are gone if you have any money at your disposal you won't have it tomorrow.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Think long and hard about this. Unless you have it already it's not too late to say you changed your mind.
Appreciate the response and you are correct with everything you have pointed out, I know its a bad idea and fucking up 6 months clean is really stupid and seems ridiculous from the outside looking in, complete cognitive dissonance yet if he says yes I know im gonna do it. My excuse Im making to myself is because my mom is sick with cancer and everything has been so depressing the last few months that I want to have some relief even if just for a day but I know thats selfish and I need to be there for my mother and using isn't the way to do it. Life is hard and drugs feel like a life preserver in an ocean of sadness but I know deep down they are just a lie and I will sink even further if I decide to use. He still hasn't answered but damn do I want him too, I can't stop checking my phone.
- Joined
- May 27, 2020
- Messages
- 32,002
What's the AA saying?
"If you're planning a relapse, you've basically already lost your sobriety"
Or something like that
"If you're planning a relapse, you've basically already lost your sobriety"
Or something like that
LoveTractor
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2023
- Messages
- 29
This is an issue most of us here have dealt with over the years - different substances but the same issue. Cravings.
FWIW, I’m not a new member, I lost my login years ago. I’ve been here since 2003, at the depths of my heroin, meth and cocaine addiction.
I didn't find any of my hundred or so relapses over the past 20 years, some with significant time between them, to be the answer to anything besides short term relief of cravings and extra cash.
The next morning the cravings return but yeah, no - the cash does not. Maybe check out the Bluelight forum for recovery, some folks there helped me a lot with crack cravings during a binge that I saw taking me down permanently in 2020.
FWIW, I’m not a new member, I lost my login years ago. I’ve been here since 2003, at the depths of my heroin, meth and cocaine addiction.
I didn't find any of my hundred or so relapses over the past 20 years, some with significant time between them, to be the answer to anything besides short term relief of cravings and extra cash.
The next morning the cravings return but yeah, no - the cash does not. Maybe check out the Bluelight forum for recovery, some folks there helped me a lot with crack cravings during a binge that I saw taking me down permanently in 2020.
LoveTractor
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2023
- Messages
- 29
No - after a long time away from it cravings will fade. I’ll leave it to others to follow up on this thought. For sure some will say they haven't faded.
somnilicious
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2012
- Messages
- 3,220
All giving in to the cravings ever did to me was lead me back on another run where I would burn down all the progress I had made in life to that point. I'd loose everything, everytime and I'm just getting tired of repeatedly starting over.
I can already feel the Paranoia of taking hits while I'm driving back from the hood because I never can wait till I get home which is just all part of the ritual and rush. I don't even know why I want it but I'm gonna think about it all day now until he answers. I just want to take a blast and take a vacation from my thoughts for a while
Well he never answered so I didn't fuck up and relapse but not gonna lie Im kind of bummed and still want to get high I dont know why this wave of cravings is not fading like usual it keeps bothering me and I still keep trying to text and see whats up and no response. Im guessing he doesn't pick up anymore and Im just an annoyance texting him but shit I just want to know whats up. Always seems like this with coke for me I can never find a consistent source, this guy had really good shit and was pretty good about being reliable but now he wont answer fucking sucks. I just want a fucking blast and everything I try to do to distract myself isn't working I hate this I wish I never knew what crack felt like then I could just go about my day hanging out with family for fathers day yet Im just sitting here checking my phone every few minutes instead of being part of the conversation.