Physical and Emotional Abuse

[MCJ]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We live together and we both attend University (where we met).
For the past five to six months, we have gotten into arguments and he has gotten abusive. He will closed fist punch me, but never in the face. More so in the arms...and tonight the foot. My foot is starting to swell and it hurts like hell. I started crying and he shoved my towel (i just showered) in my mouth. I think the pressure from the towel might have given me like a "towel burn" on the side of my mouth/lips.
I love him, but I feel like I cant help him change. Sometimes I have to try to hit him back to defend myself and I hate that he is making me become this person. It's gotten so bad that I feel psychologically unstable. We are both from southern california and attend school in northern california, so i cant just move back home with my parents or quit school. Our lease isn't up until December, and all my belongings are here. I know I could stay with a friend, but no one knows about this abuse and I have a kitten who I know I cant take with me. I have tried so many times to leave and end it but he NEVER allows it to happen. He knows that because we live together he has this hold on me.

My question is, is there anything I can do or someone professional I can call? Neither of us drink/do drugs. We are both in our early early 20's (hes a year older), and we are both full-time students. If anyone has been in this type of situation and has advice please comment.

Sidenote: Theres been instances where its not just punching. I've been slapped, i have had my hair pulled, and ive been dragged across carpet (i have a scar from the rug burn.) The newest form has been him throwing water on me. Whenever I "talk back" or say something he doesntlike he will throw wate ron me in order to "cool me down". Im not sure why he does it, but it always makes me cry. When I cry, he just gts more angry and tells me i'm being too emotional or will mimic my crying. I'm just so psychologically messed up, and dont know how to escape anymore.

-M.

 

[Moreaux]

I think you should get in touch with he local women's shelter - they have resources that can help you. Is your name on the lease? If yes, call the police the next time he hurts you and then follow up with a restraining order - he will have to find elsewhere to live. You may want to consider contacting your school and letting them know about the situation, they may be able to help you find a better living arrangement. As he is a student there, they should also be aware that he is a danger. If these are not options please go live with a friend and take the kitten with you. Please don't leave the baby with him.

You have to leave him, this is not going to get better, just worse. You are in very real danger, and he longer you stay with him the greater the chances of him killing you are. I am sorry you're going through this, I know how hard breaking and though this is.

 

[Vastness]

Tell someone else that you trust - now - and then come up with and initiate a plan to get yourself away. You probably already know that this situation doesn't have a good ending if you don't act, and act quickly.

Abuse has an unfortunate and self-sustaining tendency to induce people to cut themselves off from their support network, so if you can recognise this happening and overcome it you will find it easier to do what you need to do to get out of this situation. You probably can't think clearly or rationally from within this experience, and our capacity for self-deception and finding reasons not to take difficult but necessary action is great... but this lessens under the scrutiny of outside observers. It's easier to face hard truths when you don't feel alone.

I also second the suggestion that once you have got to a safe distance, you should inform both the police and your school. This might be the last thing you want to think about right now, but please consider, although you may escape from this, the next person might not be so lucky.

 

[emptynest]

That is the saddest thing I've read in a really long time. I hope you can get out of this situation quickly

 

[hotgirls.jpg.exe]

Tell a friend who you trust - it doesn't have to be your best friend but someone you think will understand and can help you, and can keep it quiet. That last part is very important. Make a plan, get an overnight bag ready, make sure you have any important documents. The actual opportunity to physically leave may arise unexpectedly so ideally you want someone who can come quickly when they get 'the call'. And don't leave the kitten behind or s/he might get used as a bargaining chip. Or hostage You may have to rehome the kitten anyway but just don't leave it with him.

The most dangerous time in abusive relationships is around the time of leaving, if he gets a hint that that's what you're trying to do, it could turn very nasty. It's all about control and domination to an abuser. Ask me how I know You say no-one knows about it but people pick up on the signs. They may not know how bad it is but trust me, they know something isn't right.

 

[Ligaturd]

I know the dynamics of an abusive relationship make it really hard but you need to file charges and leave him. Get a restraining order and find some counseling.. You don't deserve this and he deserves to be put in his place. This makes me sad and I wish you all the best.

 

[Ligaturd]

Start by speaking out, tell your friends and family. Tell them what you told us.

 

[herbavore]

Each time you let him get away with the abuse, you are strengthening the trap you are in within your own mind. The fact that you are hiding this from friends and family is heartbreaking to me. You deserve support. You deserve help. At the very least you should go to a counselor at your university and ask for help if you cannot bring yourself to confide in your family.

I am also in northern California. PM me for a list of resources. Please do not be afraid to make a move to get help. There is so much more at stake here than a lease or even an interruption to your studies. Because people that hurt people often also hurt animals, I am also worried for your kitten. If you need help with finding a safe space for the kitten, please PM me about that as well.

 

[Ligaturd]

It's probably useless but I thought I would bump this thread to see if OP will give an update... It's been bothering me knowing that this problem happens all too often and the woman affected by abusive relationships struggle to break free from their abusers. I hope she finds resolve and the support she needs to move away.

 

[Moreaux]

Not certain the OP can...it was an anonymous post. That user account doesn't actually exist. I guess they could write another anonymous post and request the mods move it to this thread.