truenamebrand
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2016
- Messages
- 269
I was unable to find any recent threads on this subject, though many exist in general. However, I would also like to share my experience with phenibut in the interest of perhaps further sparing someone from making the mistake I did. I will try and keep this somewhat brief...
I first ordered phenibut about six months ago, and I did a pretty good amount of research on it prior to actually ordering and trying it. I've had a script for Valium for about three years and while I abuse it, I haven't become dependent on it at any point in time. The first time I tried phenibut was at a dose of about 1.2 grams about 6pm in the evening, and another 1.2 or 1.5 grams when I left for work the next morning (This, btw, seems to be the way to get the most out of the substance). To be honest, it was incredible. I felt like I could climb the walls. The only comparable drug experience to it being GHB. To put it another way, it was like the anxiety relief of a benzo combined with the stimulant effect of an amphetamine, without the negative of either, and with a touch of MDMA. No other time was like the very first. Not even close. At any rate, at first I did pretty well keeping my use to once or twice a week and never using it more than two days in a row. However, as time went on, I began to take doses less on the recreational scale and more towards the therapeutic end, but much more often. Essentially, I was using it was a replacement for the Valium once I had run out -- which always occurs very quickly.
For about 2-3 months my mental state deteriorated in the form of debilitating depression. I couldn't stay awake in the middle of the day -- including while driving; I had major suicidal thoughts, almost daily; I laid in bed and cried on the weekends, for no reason other than the world was absolutely fucked and I knew I would never be happy. This ultimately culminated in me being hospitalized and, just prior to, during and after hospitalization, use of my Valium OR phenibut (the former before and during, the latter after discharge) daily for over a month. Keep in mind, the prior few months I may have taken a few days off from both here or there, but not very many in any case. After discharge from the hospital and at that point taking Wellbutrin -- which in itself can cause anxiety -- I continued taking smallER doses of the phenibut daily to "maintain" and counteract any anxiety from the Wellbutrin.
Fast forward a little bit, and I am completely dependent on the phenibut, and it is a vicious cycle and no-win situation, let me tell you. I can go a day without taking it sometimes, and that is typically when I feel the best. Then, on day 2 horrific anxiety sets in. Panic attacks like ones that led me to Valium in the first place but worse. Extreme depersonalization and almost an out-of-body experience is the only way I can describe it. And unfortunately, dosing doesn't even bring immediate effect the way it does with benzos. Then comes the comedown from the dose, which after lower doses is manageable but still very noticeable, while after higher doses has driven me to the brink of not only purposeful suicide, but just insanely reckless behavior without the conscious intention of killing myself. I have vicious mood swings, debilitating depression, crippling anxiety, I start crying for no reason while at work -- and there is no sure-fire way to nail down how to alleviate these symptoms with a taper. It is largely unpredictable at times. Essentially, my GABA receptors are fried from this shit. It's to the point where I cannot stop taking it, but also cannot CONTINUE to take it, because each brings its own hellish consequences. I have never experienced anything like this from any benzo, and I've taken several of them off and on for well over a decade. This is on a whole other level. Even the Valium only brings temporary relief from withdrawal, and insofar as it does, it is only partial relief anyway.
It is only now, in retrospect, that I realize the increasing level of depression has coincided perfectly with my increased use of phenibut. Due to the Valium not even being adequate in fully freeing myself from this shit, I went to my family doctor (who had obviously never heard of it) and explained the situation to her. Luckily she is extremely understanding and not in the least bit judgmental and we decided that gabapentin was a better option than baclofen to try and get off the phenibut. I will be picking up the gabapentin tonight and really do not want to have to take more than a VERY small dose of the phenibut for more than a couple days after starting the gabapentin. I refuse to order more, and I have very little left.
Anyway, phenibut should only be used by those with an EXTREME amount of discipline and self-control. And to be totally honest, I'd avoid even messing around as it's not even worth it. Nothing will ever come close to that first time anyway.
I first ordered phenibut about six months ago, and I did a pretty good amount of research on it prior to actually ordering and trying it. I've had a script for Valium for about three years and while I abuse it, I haven't become dependent on it at any point in time. The first time I tried phenibut was at a dose of about 1.2 grams about 6pm in the evening, and another 1.2 or 1.5 grams when I left for work the next morning (This, btw, seems to be the way to get the most out of the substance). To be honest, it was incredible. I felt like I could climb the walls. The only comparable drug experience to it being GHB. To put it another way, it was like the anxiety relief of a benzo combined with the stimulant effect of an amphetamine, without the negative of either, and with a touch of MDMA. No other time was like the very first. Not even close. At any rate, at first I did pretty well keeping my use to once or twice a week and never using it more than two days in a row. However, as time went on, I began to take doses less on the recreational scale and more towards the therapeutic end, but much more often. Essentially, I was using it was a replacement for the Valium once I had run out -- which always occurs very quickly.
For about 2-3 months my mental state deteriorated in the form of debilitating depression. I couldn't stay awake in the middle of the day -- including while driving; I had major suicidal thoughts, almost daily; I laid in bed and cried on the weekends, for no reason other than the world was absolutely fucked and I knew I would never be happy. This ultimately culminated in me being hospitalized and, just prior to, during and after hospitalization, use of my Valium OR phenibut (the former before and during, the latter after discharge) daily for over a month. Keep in mind, the prior few months I may have taken a few days off from both here or there, but not very many in any case. After discharge from the hospital and at that point taking Wellbutrin -- which in itself can cause anxiety -- I continued taking smallER doses of the phenibut daily to "maintain" and counteract any anxiety from the Wellbutrin.
Fast forward a little bit, and I am completely dependent on the phenibut, and it is a vicious cycle and no-win situation, let me tell you. I can go a day without taking it sometimes, and that is typically when I feel the best. Then, on day 2 horrific anxiety sets in. Panic attacks like ones that led me to Valium in the first place but worse. Extreme depersonalization and almost an out-of-body experience is the only way I can describe it. And unfortunately, dosing doesn't even bring immediate effect the way it does with benzos. Then comes the comedown from the dose, which after lower doses is manageable but still very noticeable, while after higher doses has driven me to the brink of not only purposeful suicide, but just insanely reckless behavior without the conscious intention of killing myself. I have vicious mood swings, debilitating depression, crippling anxiety, I start crying for no reason while at work -- and there is no sure-fire way to nail down how to alleviate these symptoms with a taper. It is largely unpredictable at times. Essentially, my GABA receptors are fried from this shit. It's to the point where I cannot stop taking it, but also cannot CONTINUE to take it, because each brings its own hellish consequences. I have never experienced anything like this from any benzo, and I've taken several of them off and on for well over a decade. This is on a whole other level. Even the Valium only brings temporary relief from withdrawal, and insofar as it does, it is only partial relief anyway.
It is only now, in retrospect, that I realize the increasing level of depression has coincided perfectly with my increased use of phenibut. Due to the Valium not even being adequate in fully freeing myself from this shit, I went to my family doctor (who had obviously never heard of it) and explained the situation to her. Luckily she is extremely understanding and not in the least bit judgmental and we decided that gabapentin was a better option than baclofen to try and get off the phenibut. I will be picking up the gabapentin tonight and really do not want to have to take more than a VERY small dose of the phenibut for more than a couple days after starting the gabapentin. I refuse to order more, and I have very little left.
Anyway, phenibut should only be used by those with an EXTREME amount of discipline and self-control. And to be totally honest, I'd avoid even messing around as it's not even worth it. Nothing will ever come close to that first time anyway.
