Perhaps my last night chasing the dragon.

[Zopiclone bandit]

Emotional pain is all in the mind, I suggest you listen to Stoic quotes on YouTube or the famous Japanese text called Dokkodo aka The Art of Walking Alone.

Physical Pain is Very Real, not to post TMI but I'm still Post Operative and in my assumption over 20 years of Heroin was the cause of my issue, I screamed from the pain and was given NHS Fent in the vein to end it.

I wish you the best with it, not many make it out the other side but every Junkie comes to a point where the dope just isn't worth it anymore but I've failed many times but for me the operation i had, the pain from it and all the Ego smashing Post Operation care has made me Stoic as Fuck I'm stopping.

It's now 4:33am in the UK and I'm wide awake, cold, sneezing, feeling nasty for the 4th day

 

[captaincaveman]

I‘m back. I made it through withdrawal and felt better for a while. I thought I could deal with my demons. I told the girl I love with all my heart my feelings. I kicked myself in the ass and did it. I told her that she gives my life a meaning and I continue to fight through hell and back for her.
Know what she said? In short: “You are absolutely unattractive and this will never change, and I never felt anything for you. Oh and btw I have a new boyfriend now that I love so much”

Without further explanation required: I am back on heavy drug use. Quit my job. Can’t go to my classes anymore because I will see her there.
I entered darker realms now, smoked my first pipe. Might be going to IV H but I try to not do that for now. I’ll OD soon. This finna be it. My life is over

Erm, sounds like you are in crisis and need urgent medical attention. You've been hospitalized, your mum has intervened etc. "The only thing I regret is not committing suicide earlier." is quite dramatic! Take LawyerLife's advice, they've laid it out clear. I follow existentialism, which depending on how you interpret it basically says you didn't choose to live in this absurd, possibly meaningless world so why bother? But thinking, reading and digesting works by Camus and Sartre etc should be done with a clear mind.

 

[LifeQuitter]

Guys I appreciate your concerns and all and yes I have 3 different approaches on therapy now. Psychiatrist, psychotherapy, substitution specialist. I am working hard to fight this.
I got clean from most drugs and fought off the cravings. No more uppers, dissos, psychadelics. Only real endboss is the opiates. The constant rejection and never able to have been able to have fulfilled love one single time makes opiates the god‘s gift in my eyes. They love me back. It‘s the love I never got because I am too ugly

Strong cravings and relapses with odsmt this time but I am fighting everyday and try to stay strong!!! After the holidays I am up I may go to an inpatient detox. We will see