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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Firly Swolks Discussing Mitillating Tatters Fithout Wilters

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Thanks, I needed that...

Ahh, back from putting the finishing touches on our 4th of 5 songs for our EP, and on the way home I recorded some in-between track sounds. Our concept is that the album takes place of a night on Earth, so between tracks we want to play sounds of the world starting from dusk to dawn. Just captured the middle of the night stuff, all the night forest sounds, the tree frogs, the crickets, etc. I even got some distant thunder in one of them. :)

Future albums are going to involve leaving Earth, and traveling through the solar system, then the galaxy, then other galaxies. This first one represents the last night on Earth.
 
Thanks, we're pretty happy about it. :) Only one song to go, we're mastering it ourselves.

Man, yesterday was intense, I stayed up very late Saturday night and then, like clockwork, I woke up at 7:30am, 3.5 hours of sleep. Also drank a lot and took some propylhexedrine. Felt really bad yesterday, like the phenibut withdrawal was back to square one. Shit was really bugging me out, it made me feel crazy... the worst part of the day was when my girlfriend left, she was super tired too and she did some errands and then texted me that she was heading home and asked if I wanted to come over to her house. I told her I would just see her tomorrow and that I wanted to get some stuff done around the house and not have to drive back to my house this morning for work. She didn't reply for hours, and at first I started thinking she was mad at me (though there is no basis for thinking she'd be mad about that at all), and then I started obsessively thinking about how she might have fallen asleep at the wheel and crashed on the way home. It was really fucking me up. Eventually I just went over to my friend's house to work on the EP and grill out and hang out with our bass player friend. Well right before I got there she finally got back to me, she had gotten home and immediately fallen asleep. Of course... I just couldn't stop the racing thoughts, I really tried. :\

After that, I still felt very anxious and out of sorts. I wasn't gonna drink but I did have beers, but less than has become typical for me. Felt great after a little bit. I also feel great today, I went to bed early and slept a lot. Hopefully it stays that way. I think a lot of it had to do with the p-hex plus alcohol hangover, which isn't good in the best of times. It was so bad in combination with residual lack-of-phenibut related wonkiness that it makes me really not find stimulants appealing aside from morning caffeine. I hope I stay feeling that way, because I felt straight up crazy yesterday and I hated it. If I take care of myself this will be a lot easier. I've been doing pushups several times a day recently, gonna keep doing that and try to start heading to the gym again too. No stimulants, and decreasing volumes of alcohol. I'm looking forward to no longer using GABA drugs. Like, I think ultimately I probably shouldn't use alcohol because it's very moreish for me.
 
I had a pretty fun weekend :)

On friday I was gonna meet a friend but something else showed up so she didn't came over and just stayed home. Decided to drop a small amount of MXE and practice guitar. Then around midnight I IM'd 100 mg of Ketamine and holed hard, maybe the deepest hole I've ever reached. I had smoked cannabis before hand, I hadn't mixed K and weed before but I found that it made the hole a lot more visual and colorful, but maybe that was just the MXE I had before coming at play? It was crazy, the typical unexplainable things you experience on a disso hole but it was crazier than ever before for me, I forgot most of it, though, but I remember some pretty crazy moments, like "experiencing" the feeling of shattering into of small people and then precipitating into a free fall. Or visions of lovecraftian cities of impossible geometry. Experiencing death, but in a peaceful way, completely letting go. A pretty intense experience. Moments of "realizations" also, I always feel contronted with feeling I've been kind of avoiding when on a K hole, but can look at them in a detached, non anxious way, and it feels pretty therapeutic.


Saturday I meet two friends for a jam session, we've been playing "just for fun" for quite a long time now, we usually just plug our instruments get high and play... and it's really fun how music always flows freely and dynamically, we've been playing for so long together (since we were in highschool), that we really understand each other while jamming. Sometimes pretty funny things come up spontaneously, I feel like we are "joking" all the time, always having lots of fun, sometimes some pretty manic, straight demented songs come out. And usually after those we just burst into laughter haha it's so much fun. I have some recordings, maybe I'll share something at some point. They are shitty recordings though, made with a cell phone.

I took some 3C-E, 15 mg before meeting my friends. I didn't experience psychedelia whatsoever, but instead a clean, non-jittery, pleasant stimulation. I feel as a stimulant, it is a pretty satisfying one, I guess I could use it even functionally. Because it was so clearheaded and friendly on the body. But I tend to avoid doing that because stims are something I can really see myself abusing and I'd rather not. Anyway, I'm interested now in pushing the dose until it becomes psychedelic, I think I'll take 25 or 30 mg next time.


Yesterday I met a girl I'm dating, we went to a flea market and I got a couple of thing I needed, then we had Thai Food. We went home, made love, and spent a chill winter afternoon of getting high and snuggling.
 
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Yeah I also find 3C-E to be a great functional stimulant, comfortable at that dosage, very long which is the only drawback, but it feels extraordinarily non-draining and connecting.

Isn't it awesome when you get so familiar with playing with certain others? My guitar player and I have been friends for 7 years (and our drummer for 3) and have been playing together over 2 and a half... it's crazy, we almost always know what each other is about to do. In jams (and some songs) we will often dual-solo and play off of each other in really cool ways. It feels awesome to be able to be so connected to someone in that way.
 
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Cream Gravy, congrats brother, I hope you made sweet long pationate love afterwards. And if not, no worries, you have plenty time hehe.

As far as the intense intents thing. This one time I had sex at a festival, it was fucking in tents.
 
Congrats Mr./Mrs. Cream, you are both lucky to find a good one!
What a difference a week makes. I was about to pull my hair out 8 days ago, but thanks to a few homies I was given space to shed the psycho-physico-spiritual burden I had accumulated from 2 months of living in an incompatible environment. Scored a job and a much better place to work on my path.
 
pharmakos said:
In a sharing mood today, decided to record this work in progress composition I haven't set to tape yet... I'm not sure where I want to go with the piece from here, but it certainly feels to me like it should end up being more of an epic than it's current three minute length.

https://soundcloud.com/charles-hundersmarck/winters-resolve
Click to expand...

That was incredibly meditative and beautiful up to the 2 minute mark and then the heavier stuff starts and the word "resolve" in the title was quite evident in the music.

@Cream Gravy--<3<3<3Yay! Congratulations<3<3<3 I'm on year 31 in an institution I wanted nothing to do with in the beginning but have come to respect, especially now that so much has happened to us together. The "minister" forgot to show up at the ceremony so I took over and "married" my shy husband and myself lol. Then we went to a judge the following Monday and got the paperwork legal before we left on the honeymoon. I laughed all the way through the wedding without an officiator but the minute we got in the judge's office for our hasty bureaucratic nonsense I cried buckets. Sometimes now I look at this 70 year old man and still see the shy young guy that I had to lead through the vows. Many of my friends and family have divorced over the years but those of us that have stuck it out say the same thing: marriage is definitely not a sprint. It is a marathon. But oh, the surprising territory that race takes you through!<3 I am so happy for you.
 
Delsyd, didn't make sweet love, still haven't since then :\ my folks are uber-Catholic and even though we're engaged now we still can't get a moments privacy...

BUT! Our apartment application was approved today! We move out on the 1st of August, only 8 days from now. Very excited! There will indeed be plenty of time for love making 8)

Thanks for all the well wishes guys. I am happy I can share with y'all :)

Y'all's musical abilities make me feel bummed about my own inability to convince myself of the virtue of taking up an instrument seriously. I play the didgeridoo and the harmonica somewhat, but I'm nothin' special. My sister has an old saxophone I'm thinking of nabbing on the day I move out, would be fun to learn.
 
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Delsyd said:
This one time I had sex at a festival, it was fucking in tents.
Click to expand...

OK, so the previous jokes make me chuckle but this actually made me laugh out loud. :D

Also, glad to hear it, vortech! All this good news makes me happy <3

Solistus, how're things since the break-up?
 
Yeah hope you check in soon Solistus, and are doing alright. <3

Man, I had the weirdest sleep last night (and not much of it). As you likely know, I've been withdrawing from phenibut. Can't tell if I'm in some sort of PAWS stage or if I just haven't gotten past it yet all the way, I don't remember it taking this long last time (16 days now) but then again I was using opiates during and after that last period of dependence (which is probably why I didn't notice the later stages, which are milder). In any case, sleeping has been very challenging. I went over to my girl's house, and I was feeling pretty strange after the work day and some stress, but then we went swimming in the river nearby (swimming/being in mountain rivers is one of my favorite things in the world, she calls me her little fish =D) and had an awesome time, and felt great after that. Then at dinner there was some beer available so I had 3. Got a moderate buzz, definitely not drunk. Felt good, not really better than before just more intoxicated and more tired. I figured that was good since sleeping has been so much harder to do. I've been waking up at around 7:30 every morning, without fail. Well, last night I fell asleep easily and then woke up at, well, not sure when, but it was a number of hours before it got light. We also went to sleep quite earlier than I do at home, around 10:30 or 11. I woke up feeling mildly restless, my mood was fine but my brain was just on and wouldn't shut off. After a couple of hours with a few dreams, I took some calcium-magnesium powder to try to produce muscle relaxation, and some L-theanine to try to get sleepy. It kinda worked, I felt more comfortable and I caught more short sections of sleep. Quite a lot actually. I woke up tired and feeling like the night had gone on for hours and hours, which it in fact had, and I was awake for a lot of it. :\ But I had a little caffeine, drove home, and took some noopept and piracetam and I'm feeling quite good today. I also didn't feel bad last night, it was just really annoying.

During my fitful periods of slumber, I had a huge array of dreams. They were so strange, they involved people from my life but in many cases circumstances or even personalities were somewhat different. And I would always go back to 1 of 4 or 5 different "scenarios" and continue a variation of that dream. Like I had a number of dreams where my friend Andy lived with his parents, and his house was in the same town as my parents' house. I don't remember ever seeing a house that looked like this inside in real life, though maybe I'm basing it off of something I've seen, but I still know the layout of that house, these dreams were very vivid, to the point that I would wake up from one and fall into another and think the previous one had been a dream but that I was awake now. Most of the dreams involved having to accomplish something and having to deal with mildly stressful situations, but a lot of the time the process was so interesting to me that I didn't mind. At one point I had to take a shit in my dream, and the dream consisted of having to extricate myself from conversation and go do that. I had a few of these in a row, and I started to get annoyed, I was like, damn it, why do I keep not actually being awake and why can't I tell the difference? The last one of those was of me waking up in my girlfriend's bed in her house (where I actually was), checking myself, yep, this isn't a dream, sitting down on the toilet, and then actually waking up, and that time I knew for sure, I could see how it was more vivid. And wouldn't you know it, I had to take a shit. 8o Some of the dream worlds I was in were decidedly containing an element of the feeling of the iboga dream worlds I experienced, which is cool and mysterious, I don't know how to describe that feeling but it's quite mystical. It's also been relatively common in my dreams since doing ibogaine.

The worst dreams I had were this type I used to get often but it's been quite a while. In these dreams, I'm still with my ex, but I am also with my current girlfriend and my ex is only showing the characteristics of her personality that I liked, so I find myself conflicted and sort of happy we're back together at the same time as recoiling from it and feeling extremely guilty about betraying my wonderful girlfriend. I hate those dreams because I feel so confused and sad and guilty, and I start saying to myself, fuck, why can't this be a dream like the other times? :\ Gets me every time...

Anyway, swilow, you said something about alcohol maybe contributing to the withdrawal when it wears off. I think I see the pattern clear as day, I drink some alcohol, go to bed late, wake up at 7:30, like 5-6 hours after going to bed, coming down from being fully drunk. Last night I got a moderate buzz and woke up sooner compared to when I went to bed (I think). I'm gonna not drink tonight, in fact I think I am going to take a dose of the AL-LAD I just got, we're gonna jam and finish up mastering our last song for our EP tonight, should be a great time. I'm also hoping maybe I'll get something out of the experience, either way it will be a fun thing to do so I don't want to drink while I'm watching them have beers. :)

Anyway, I played some more earlier, put it on soundcloud for anyone interested with nothing better to do than listen to some random music: https://soundcloud.com/user-636222547/e-alone-delay-7-25-17-1
 
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I can't believe I wasn't in your dreams xor ;)
 
Not this time good buddy. :)

It seems like I'm getting close and closer to lucidity in my dreams lately... as a kid I experienced vivid dreams but never went lucid. Then as a tennager and through my 20s I basically didn't dream, I would remember flashes as if remembering something, with no actual in-the-moment sensation of experiencing them. Then since ibogaine, they've been getting gradually more and more intense and consistent. I often find myself thinking I've woken up, so I have the concept of being awake and being asleep while dreaming (not always but often). I find myself in dreams-within-dreams a lot, but I've only gone lucid a few times and it's always caused the dream to fade and me to wake up even as I begin flying around or whatever. I've gotten to the point where I can do mental checklists in some dreams, trying to determine if I'm awake, and I'll determine that I am.

Dreaming is crazy. I hope I can keep getting more control over them and keep improving my recall.

I'm almost done with work, when I am I'm gonna pop 300ug of AL-LAD and go finish up our album. :) And hopefully play too since all 3 of us will be there. Gonna do this instead of drinking, and hopefully with the aid of music, improve a negative pattern (drinking every band practice/most other days now too). I'm bringing 50ug of ETH-LAD too, just in case 300ug of AL-LAD isn't where I want to be (years back the last time I tried AL-LAD, I needed 450ug for a strong trip, but that has likely changed now as LSD is much stronger for me by dose now than it was then).
 
I'd hear any advice you might care to give. :)

Just dropped the AL-LAD, heading out now! Or in a minute anyway, after I feed my cats.
 
Speaking of dreams, vortech and I met and hung out in this dope cave in one of my dreams last night. I can't really remember more than just hanging out, talking about life, but it sure was awesome to meet up.
 
You don't remember the part where we were playing music in the cave? That was the best part! I was singing and hand drumming; you had a didgeridoo-like instrument but it was electronic and making all sorts of whirling rhythmic drone sounds.

Dreams aside, I am totally down with hanging out in a cave with you IRL. I love meeting internet strangers in caves, what could go wrong?
 
I had a bizarre dream today.
I was completely spun in the dream and I actually felt it...blurred vision and all that and I was running from something...I don't know. I woke up with horrible cottonmouth like I get when I get spun.
I got internet at the new place. It's DSL but it isn't as slow as I had figured and as far as I understand DSL speeds up the longer the modem is plugged in so it should speed up a little bit.
I was worried it would be too slow for nhl.tv when the season starts but it should be ok. I have to test it with nhl.tv (I use my PS3 so I can watch on my TV) but it may be different when streaming live vs playing not live video. I really like living here at the new joint, now I don't require a car to do absolutely everything so I have been walking more
 
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