☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Firly Swolks Discussing Mitillating Tatters Fithout Wilters

[Xorkoth]

Well... my girlfriend finally left for Cali for her yearly trimming job this morning. At least we got to have a great final night last night. We were basically talking about how awesome each other is, and telling stories from our internal perspectives about those first 2 and a half weeks when we met and then she went to Cali when I barely knew her, except I was pretty much starting to fall in love with her already. Every year gets harder to have her go because every year we get closer and closer and she becomes a more solid part of my life. It was weird, the first year when she left (after knowing her 2 and a half weeks), I cried my eyes out as I drove away, it shocked me. I think it's because I was overwhelmed with the whole thing, I wasn't really looking to feel that way about someone yet, I hadn't been single really very long after my divorce and I was trying to just have a casual thing and have some more casual things, but I realized as she drove away that it had already moved beyond casual to me (for her too). I also worried she'd just decide to stay there, or wouldn't want to continue things when she got back literally 3 times as long as we'd known each other at all from then. This is now the 4th time she's making her yearly trip since we started dating (wow, crazy). I haven't cried since then because now I am fully accepting of our relationship and not worried about her losing interest or anything like that. I did tear up slightly this time though just right when we were saying goodbye and she got into her car and started driving away.

I just love, love, love the way we are together, it fits together so microscopically well in all these ways that are hard to explain. Our first date, she enticed me into her bed and eventually we fell asleep interlocked in a snuggle that was incredibly comfortable and right, and woke up in the same position, it was easily the best snuggling ever and we had just met. I can't even describe to you how that felt, I knew then there was something special. It's like we have this special physical connection that is wordless, like we're reading each others' minds... and it's always been that way from the very start. I fucking love that woman, the only issues at all aren't even with our relationship, it's just that she has childhood PTSD and self-defeats a lot and gets depressed, which hurts me to see, but we're trying to work on it. Despite that, she absolutely NEVER (not even once in over 3 years) has taken anything she's feeling out on me. Neither of us has ever treated the other unfairly or badly or even raised our voices. We're just always nice and loving with each other. Such a polar opposite of my last relationship, and as I talk to more and more people, it seems incredibly rare that you'd just always have peace and never fight with your partner. If either of us wanted to get married (which neither of us does), I would definitely marry her.

Now I'm going to try to spend the next 2 months not worrying too much about mountain lions, of which there are many where she's going, and she's a small girl and they have to go outside to an outhouse to go to the bathroom. And wildfires. It'll be tough because the older I get the more I worry about people I love. But it'll be a good lesson for me to get over some of that neurosis.

And the good part about her going away for a bit is that every year it feels really healthy for both of us, to entirely do our own thing for a couple of months. I always feel like I learn something about myself, and I'll get a lot more free time to hang out with friends besides my bandmates, and play a ton of music.

 

[PsychaStevic]

Wicked looking forward to your report as well. Im curious if it has something in common with 5meo-DMT

Unfortunately I have tried 5-Meo to make the comparison, the only tryptamines I've tried are 4-aco(which was a fascinating experience) and MiPT to no effect at 100mg.

Awe sweet, good for you guys. I bet sammon was good (i pronounce sal-mon) for scaled animal eaters. I trust the pizza was good...a sauce on it?

Twas delicious, had a robust garlic red sauce on it, sorry for the delayed response just got back from the Bahamas.

 

[PsychaStevic]

Haven't*

 

[Cream Gravy?]

I wish my SO and I could take a month break once a year, for personal time. Now that we live together it's very hard for me to disentangle myself from her and her needs. I love her to death but sometimes I just wana not shower for a week and drink beer out in the heat every night and trip acid every weekend, etc. etc. Sure those things aren't healthy, but I miss the choice

 

[swilow]

^How long you guys been together C_G? Me and Miss Swilow do a lot of stuff together, but also heaps of stuff apart. I think its totally vital to do this. But, we've lived together on and off for 10 years now and wouldn't have survived had we only walked in lockstep.

In our house, I've got my own room at the back of the house where I have my computer, keyboards, sound gear, comfy chairs, books, various things I like looking at and playing with, and I think its really important for men (probably women too but I don't know) to have our own space. Its far enough from the main part of the house that I can play music pretty loud and basically be slovenly and whathaveyou.

 

[Img_9999]

I had a six year relationship with someone who was basically my clone. We listened to the same music, had the same drugs of choice, read the same books, had the same professional degree, loved and hated the same things. It was so romantic and exciting at the beginning, but then when we moved together we started doing basically EVERY.THING.TOGETHER. Somehow being constantly around each other slowly translated into a loss in sexual interest. I'm not sure it was a conscious coping mechanism, because I don't remember admitting it not even to myself, and it was rather discussed as a political choice, but after a while we started having an open relationship.

We survived like that for a while, because we could still do a bunch of stuff and have fun. Like attending the same shows together, being around the same people together, sharing and discussing the same books, talking to each other to have conversations with ourselves...but it eventually collapsed when we found out sex was an important part of what we wanted from our partners and apparently we had no desire left for each other. We had basically become best friends. Friend zoned each other. It was tough and confusing but we had to part ways :/


I sometimes feel kind of narcissistic when I look back and think about that relationship. But on the other hand, it is lovely and comfortable to be able to feel so understood. It's confusing. It's been almost a year, and I still can't forget her. I'm dating someone else at the present... but I think about her every single day. Not a surprise, because I know that everything I like, everything I'm interested in she would also be interested in.

 

[solistus]

Depression + sobriety is a lousy combo -_-

 

[swilow]

^They often walk hand in hand... What's happening anyway?

 

[Cream Gravy?]

^How long you guys been together C_G? Me and Miss Swilow do a lot of stuff together, but also heaps of stuff apart. I think its totally vital to do this. But, we've lived together on and off for 10 years now and wouldn't have survived had we only walked in lockstep.

In our house, I've got my own room at the back of the house where I have my computer, keyboards, sound gear, comfy chairs, books, various things I like looking at and playing with, and I think its really important for men (probably women too but I don't know) to have our own space. Its far enough from the main part of the house that I can play music pretty loud and basically be slovenly and whathaveyou.

Been together 8 years now. We just moved in together about two and a half months back. It's a one bedroom unfortunately (we both work wage jobs), so it's hard for me to get away and play loud music so to speak. The bedroom is more of my space while the living room is hers, as my desktop is in the bedroom. She goes to bed early though, so often I cannot use my desktop more than a few hours max each day, which can be frustrating. Not terrible, I have a laptop I use in the other room, it's not really a big deal... I guess it's just cramped, you know? If i get a song stuck in my head and play it ten times over, she'll come in and tell me she's sick of it and to listen to something else... fair enough. Maybe I should get some decent headphones?

Anyways, when we hopefully own a home someday, the plan is to definitely have separate spaces. We share this 1BR with 6 other pets too, so the place is just crowded. We need a second BR. The king size bed has done a lot to help in the past month though

Depression + sobriety is a lousy combo -_-

What's up in your world, Solistus?

 

[Jabberwocky]

It's funny that you're all talking about this, because I've been planning to join the relationship forum with the hope of understanding why I've had the same problem with most of the women I've dated.

Basically, we'll fall head over heels for one another and usually end up getting serious a lot faster than either of us had planned. It seems to just keep getting better with each passing day, week and month, but then...

Usually somewhere around six months or so, everything goes down the crapper. The moment that it stops being all roses and chocolate and starts to get real (talking about the future, etc.), they suddenly lose interest. It's like I have to be Mister Romance 24/7, and that's impossible. Sometimes I'm tired and don't feel up to going out. Sometimes I just need to talk about my bad day at work. Sometimes I just want to "be a guy" and hang out with my buddies.

I do tend to be a very romantic dude by nature, if I do say so myself! I write love songs, sing and play guitar. I paint and photograph sunsets. And when I really like someone, I want to go all-out to impress her. I'll cook her dinner and serenade her and do all that sappy stuff. But I can't ALWAYS be That Guy. And that, my friends, is where the trouble begins.

If I ever meet someone that I would seriously consider dating from now on, I plan to let her see me in my "natural environment", so to speak. Maybe if I ease back on the romance a bit, I'll be able to tell if she likes me for all that I am and not just what she wants me to be. Only time will tell...

Peace, Love and Faith,
Dreamflyer :D

 

[Xorkoth]

^How long you guys been together C_G? Me and Miss Swilow do a lot of stuff together, but also heaps of stuff apart. I think its totally vital to do this. But, we've lived together on and off for 10 years now and wouldn't have survived had we only walked in lockstep.

Yeah, having your own lives and not becoming only an "us" is crucially important for most people (or maybe everyone). My girl and I don't even live together and have no plans to anytime soon or even possibly ever, because she doesn't want to live in my town (too big and busy for her) and I don't want to live in the places she wants to (very small towns with not much going on and quiet). If we lived together, one of us would have to live in a situation that wasn't making us fully happy, and that leads to secret resentments that grow. We love each other and want to be together, so we don't make it an issue. Of course, my girlfriend is very non-traditional, she doesn't desire marriage or cohabitation or being attached at the hip (which I find quite a few women do seem to want), or children (well we both are very unsure if we want them and think it's likely we don't ever). It makes for a healthy relationship though, she's only 25-30 minutes away so it's not hard to see her and I do frequently, I tend to go over there on free week nights and she comes to spend the weekend at my house most weekends. I don't see her every day, on my band days (which are 3 a week) I occasionally see her late night if she happens to be in town visiting her friend or something and she goes back to my house to sleep, or I might see her in the morning because I was at her house or she was at mine the previous night so we wake up together, but for the most part I have at least 3 days a week where I'm doing my own thing fully, and it makes it so that every time I see her I'm excited to see her, and it doesn't get stagnant. Even some days where we spend most of it together, sometimes I'll want to go see a show or something and she won't so she'll just do something else and not give me any trouble about it, and then we meet back up later. If we ever do live together we've talked about wanting our own rooms, though we'd sleep together every night in one room or the other.

Honestly I think the cultural norms that have developed in our society contribute to relationships becoming stifling or boring and to the rate of divorce. It's like there is this expectation that you meet someone, formally ask them to be your girlfriend/boyfriend, and then move in together and then get married and then start a family, and certainly it's weird if you are very serious but not living together. My family and some friends have made comments to me wondering if something is wrong because my girl and I don't live together after 3 years, but I don't let stuff like that influence me anymore, you gotta just live your own way. Marriage is especially pressured into people, the pressure was intense from my family and my ex's families, later we both said it was a big mistake but we both felt we had to. Honestly, I don't think it makes sense to promise that you'll be with someone forever, you can't know what you'll want 10, 20 yeqars in the future, especially if you got together young, you change so much in your teens and twenties especially. But I think a lot of people actually believe they want all that stuff that is part of the cultural norms, but deep down it oppresses them. And it often causes strain in relationships because you're trying to shape yourself and the other person into this mold, this pre-existing expectation of what a relationship and a partner is supposed to be. I know that happened big-time with my ex. She and I became this unit that did EVERYTHING together, we got married because we felt we were supposed to, our families were hounding us, etc. We moved in together after like 2 months of dating, her roommate in the dorms moved out (she was scared of me because she walked in and I was rolling a joint one time, and she tried to break us up and told on me to the RA, who was like uh, so what? 8)) and I moved in, and we spent all of our time together from then on for 12 years (well not so much towards the end ). She was always getting mad at me when I wanted to do something without her, she acted like it was weird, I hated that, it was really unhealthy for both of us.

I had a six year relationship with someone who was basically my clone. We listened to the same music, had the same drugs of choice, read the same books, had the same professional degree, loved and hated the same things. It was so romantic and exciting at the beginning, but then when we moved together we started doing basically EVERY.THING.TOGETHER. Somehow being constantly around each other slowly translated into a loss in sexual interest. I'm not sure it was a conscious coping mechanism, because I don't remember admitting it not even to myself, and it was rather discussed as a political choice, but after a while we started having an open relationship.

We survived like that for a while, because we could still do a bunch of stuff and have fun. Like attending the same shows together, being around the same people together, sharing and discussing the same books, talking to each other to have conversations with ourselves...but it eventually collapsed when we found out sex was an important part of what we wanted from our partners and apparently we had no desire left for each other. We had basically become best friends. Friend zoned each other. It was tough and confusing but we had to part ways :/

This is just how it was with my girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend. Over 5 years they became best friends but the romantic feelings disappeared gradually. It was hard for them to split but they did it. To this day they're really good friends, he is a grower and that's where she goes to trim every year for 2 months. He also visits once a year over here (but lives on the opposite side of the country), partly to run cash to various people including my girl and partly to visit her and now me too. I've spent maybe a month total with him over the last 3 years, just us or with all 3 of us. Love the guy, he's awesome, tripped with me and my friend once which was really cool. I'd prefer she go to his place rather than some random person's to trim because he cares about her and is a good guy. After spending some time with both of them, it made me feel totally confident that nothing was left there that is romantic so I don't worry about that at all. It weirded me out a bit at first because they have all these inside jokes and ways of talking to each other and nicknames, but it's fully reasonable that you can become just friends with someone you were once with. If you were always kind to each other and the breakup was mutual and peaceful, your feelings of friendship and closeness aren't going to go away, you can't (or you certainly shouldn't) just stop being friends with them because you met a new person. If I asked her to do that, that would be wrong and selfish of me, and cruel to her, because even though they were together and serious for years, they still love each other, but platonically, and he's an important person in her life. I think that's cool, it bodes well for me too as to how she is in relationships.

If I ever meet someone that I would seriously consider dating from now on, I plan to let her see me in my "natural environment", so to speak. Maybe if I ease back on the romance a bit, I'll be able to tell if she likes me for all that I am and not just what she wants me to be. Only time will tell...

Absolutely do this. It's extremely important to present your authentic self to someone you're considering dating. If you act a certain way to impress someone, but you're not actually like that, it's inevitable that serious conflicts will arise. It leads to people trying to change people over time, or dissatisfaction because that thing you presented that they liked stops happening. It's so important to be yourself in relationships (and life), and let your partner be themselves too. If you try to present yourself falsely to get someone to be attracted to you, it's never going to work out long-term.

Also, romance is good, I mean you should make romantic gestures, but make them nice things that come from your heart and make her feel special from time to time, rather than as something you feel obligated to do or something.

Maybe we should rename PD to SLRPD - Sex, Love, Relationships and Psychedelic Drugs.

 

[Morninggloryseed]

Awe, bless you guys and your relations. Nice to hear nice people in love.

 

[solistus]

^They often walk hand in hand... What's happening anyway?

Nothing much, really... Just a depressive episode that has long overstayed its welcome, combined with being too broke to afford weed atm. I really need to find an actual job, but that's easier said than done while wallowing in depression/anxiety/dysphoria.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

Been going through that too man, been avoiding the major depression but the lack of employment is starting to get to me. Got the bill in the mail I was dreading yesterday. If anyone is curious it costs about a quarter of a million to die in an American hospital right now. Well not exactly that much, it was $226,918.49. ;/

 

[solistus]

I just laugh when I receive debt collector mail these days. You capitalist fucks aren't getting a penny from me anytime soon :D

 

[xammy]

Depression and sobriety here too. Been sober for a few months now except some alcohol and hash here and there. I miss dissos

My doctor started me on Vortioxetine. Never thought I'd end up on medication. I've been on olanzapine since my 3-meo-pcp induced psychosis too.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

I just laugh when I receive debt collector mail these days. You capitalist fucks aren't getting a penny from me anytime soon :D

We have to pay it or they'll try to steal the farm. I'm well armed enough to shoot the first few waves but they'll just steam roll me with drones eventually. Thank god he had good insurance so we won't have to sell off any trees. I was surprised by how much it covered.

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey xammy, nice to see you pop in, I was wondering how you were. Sorry you're not doing better, but all things shall pass.

Been going through that too man, been avoiding the major depression but the lack of employment is starting to get to me. Got the bill in the mail I was dreading yesterday. If anyone is curious it costs about a quarter of a million to die in an American hospital right now. Well not exactly that much, it was $226,918.49. ;/

That is just fucking disgusting. Medical costs are so absurdly out of control here. Fuck insurance companies, and rich politicians who have made/allowed this to be possible.

I got anxiety just reading that post, jesus.


I'm doing pretty decently myself, my girl left Tuesday morning for a solid 2 months, so that bums me out. Yesterday I was so burned out, I've just been doing stimulants (serotonergic and sert/dopamine ones, so lots of serotonin release) and drinking too much (the two are heavily linked), too often and for too long, and I gotta give myself a real break and stop overdoing it with stuff. It was pretty weird, last night when I turned out the lights in my room, I started getting the most wild open-eye hallucinations, I've never seen anything like it before, it reminded me of ibogaine visuals actually, strangely enough. It was like everything I could barely see due to trace amounts of light from outside, my red clock radio light, etc was turning into mist and falling apart and reforming, it was as clear as day. My cat came up to snuggle on my chest, and his face was going all over the place, sometimes he looked like a lion. I started getting a little spooked looking across the room because the darkness became all sorts of stuff. It was very strange, I've had a touch of lingering visuals (I don't want to call it HPPD because it doesn't bother me), but this was the most intense it's been.

Anyway I'm feeling pretty depleted, I suspect I'll feel this way for a little while. I don't feel depressed or anxious though except for stray passing moments of anxiety, so that's good. I've got music and friends... gonna go either band practice tonight or else if the drummer can't make it we'll try to finish up the album art so we can get that in production.

Also, today at work I did a 3-hour training session for some clients who work for McDonald's, they came to us to design a system for deploying surveys to their store owners to select what signature items they want each season, and some other managerial tasks. So of course I basically designed the system, and, the clients being about as far from programmers as you can get, of course specified they wanted us to design something so they can use our system/servers to make their own surveys so they don't have to keep having us build them. So I designed a template where they can plug information in and the survey will basically automatically be created with their specifications. As they learn more I'll have to keep training them so they can start to customize their own stuff more. But they were really happy with me, I was making them laugh and I wrote this documentation that they thought was great, and they said I explained everything well and we exceeded their expectations by a longshot.

The reason this is so great is that as part of our deal with them, they're going to split our server/hosting costs every year, in half. That amounts to about $1 million that my company can save every year. So needless to say they're all very happy with me right now.

 

[perpetualdawn]

Been going through that too man, been avoiding the major depression but the lack of employment is starting to get to me. Got the bill in the mail I was dreading yesterday. If anyone is curious it costs about a quarter of a million to die in an American hospital right now. Well not exactly that much, it was $226,918.49. ;/

Fuck me that's nuts

 

[psy997]

Has anyone else had all their subscribed threads seemingly erased on BL? Or rather, all of the active ones? I logged on yesterday to find no subscribed threads in my User CP, and then it appears that there's 500 I'm still subscribed to, but when I sort by last post, the latest is 03/01/2017...