Sorry for the long post. Credit to anyone who manages to read through it all. I searched a few forums to see which was the most active/most suitable and this looked like it was worth a shot.
I’m a 23(male) and my girlfriend is 19. We first met 8 months ago now at University, dated for a few months before getting serious about three months in. Since then we occasionally argue but nowhere near as much as other couples do. In fact, we get on really well and we both mention this to each other all the time.
We’ve already done a couple of holidays and loads of trips together and we enjoy each others time. However there is one massive issue that we don’t have sex. After a few months of no sex I was wondering how long we’d be seeing each other before we actually had it (I’d never force or rush anyone into it). We’ve come close a few times but it seemed as if she would quickly get out of the situation.
Two months ago I eventually brought it up and she told me that she will try but every time she thinks about it she starts stiffening up, gets nervous and starts getting panicky. She told me her ex of 3 ½ years ending up having sex with her whether she felt like it or not. It felt like she was being used and would physically lie there while he humped away. She says this lasted for the last 6 months of their relationship and made her feel like an object. It sounded like what she was describing to me was borderline rape but when I said this to her she denied it.
So we tried to have sex but once I enter her she stiffens up really tight and I can tell she’s uncomfortable. I gave her oral and made sure she was very wet before trying. I tried telling her to relax, and was moving really slowly, but I could just tell she was hating it and she was saying it was painful. She apologised but I always reassure her that its not her fault and we will just keep doing what we can to help.
She insists on giving me blowjobs instead, and they’re almost every day. That helps my frustration and I like them more than sex usually with my partners, but I still want sex with her as its more than just shooting your load. I’ve said to her I’m always willing to try but won’t ask her, we will only do it when she feels comfortable. We’ve been using lube when we try now but it doesn’t seem to be helping. She still goes really stiff and tight when I’m inside.
She always says to me she feels useless and gets upset over it but 5 minutes later I’ve got her laughing again and convinced that she’s not useless and means the world to me. I know this post may make me look like an angel but don’t be fooled. I haven’t gone all of this time without becoming frustrated and have caused the odd argument over it, but I always feel bad the next morning and know I shouldn’t be blaming her for anything. She means so much to me and I’d do anything for her.
She doesn’t know I’ve made this post. If I’ve missed anything out, I’ll post it when I remember. Any help is greatly appreciated! Also if you need me to ask her questions I’ll drop it in conversation and see if I can get an answer.
Thanks
I’m a 23(male) and my girlfriend is 19. We first met 8 months ago now at University, dated for a few months before getting serious about three months in. Since then we occasionally argue but nowhere near as much as other couples do. In fact, we get on really well and we both mention this to each other all the time.
We’ve already done a couple of holidays and loads of trips together and we enjoy each others time. However there is one massive issue that we don’t have sex. After a few months of no sex I was wondering how long we’d be seeing each other before we actually had it (I’d never force or rush anyone into it). We’ve come close a few times but it seemed as if she would quickly get out of the situation.
Two months ago I eventually brought it up and she told me that she will try but every time she thinks about it she starts stiffening up, gets nervous and starts getting panicky. She told me her ex of 3 ½ years ending up having sex with her whether she felt like it or not. It felt like she was being used and would physically lie there while he humped away. She says this lasted for the last 6 months of their relationship and made her feel like an object. It sounded like what she was describing to me was borderline rape but when I said this to her she denied it.
So we tried to have sex but once I enter her she stiffens up really tight and I can tell she’s uncomfortable. I gave her oral and made sure she was very wet before trying. I tried telling her to relax, and was moving really slowly, but I could just tell she was hating it and she was saying it was painful. She apologised but I always reassure her that its not her fault and we will just keep doing what we can to help.
She insists on giving me blowjobs instead, and they’re almost every day. That helps my frustration and I like them more than sex usually with my partners, but I still want sex with her as its more than just shooting your load. I’ve said to her I’m always willing to try but won’t ask her, we will only do it when she feels comfortable. We’ve been using lube when we try now but it doesn’t seem to be helping. She still goes really stiff and tight when I’m inside.
She always says to me she feels useless and gets upset over it but 5 minutes later I’ve got her laughing again and convinced that she’s not useless and means the world to me. I know this post may make me look like an angel but don’t be fooled. I haven’t gone all of this time without becoming frustrated and have caused the odd argument over it, but I always feel bad the next morning and know I shouldn’t be blaming her for anything. She means so much to me and I’d do anything for her.
She doesn’t know I’ve made this post. If I’ve missed anything out, I’ll post it when I remember. Any help is greatly appreciated! Also if you need me to ask her questions I’ll drop it in conversation and see if I can get an answer.
Thanks
