Mental Health Other-worldy feeling

[Dave1699]

Well I guess i finally decided to post something on the internet about it or try to get help.... this will sound strange to most but I'm currently having a real pain going through life. And i do know that i shouldn't . I don't have any particular problems and I generally should be living a "good life". While most of the people would feel normal living my life , for some reason , i can't understand but i do not...I feel like I'm totally oblivious to everyone. I just recently finished high school and I'm about to become an adult or so I would guess..

I've been feeling very suicidal for the past 4 years .. Like i said without really knowing why , I seem to always have something to get angry with or complain about... Although for the past 4 years I've been very cautious on not letting anybody see how I really felt .. I am starting to feel really down and to be honest I actually don't plan to live for very long ... I gave myself another month or 2 to live my last moments and atleast try to have fun and be "happy"... About a year ago i starting doing drugs, which has helped me greatly . Whenever I'm smoking canabis, I kind of feel "happiness" in the form of which I do not care what happens to me and I only live for the moment. Smoking regularily has led me to be a bit addicted to it as you would have guessed ...

As I said earlier , I don't really feel like being here anymore and I don't see why I would seek help, heck I do not even know why I'm creating a post about this since i highly doubt anybody would understand what I'm feeling ...
I kind of feel like i wasn't made for this world...

-From someone who hasn't told anyone and is about to end his days

 

[herbavore]

I can understand not feeling like you were made for this world. I also felt like that when I was in my late teens. I imagined that death was the only thing that could deliver me out of the world. I needed to see that the world as I defined it was not actually the world at all--just a tiny little sliver of it. Before you decide to take drastic action to end your life here why not expand your life here? Happiness is not even the most satisfying emotional state for me--calm acceptance and wonder trump happiness for me any day.

When you are emotionally divided from yourself to the extent that life does not even feel real there is usually some deeper part of your true self that is being denied. Just surviving childhood as an extremely sensitive human being can cause lots of trauma that gets buried in the psyche. If you add real trauma into that, like abuse, bullying, abandonment or neglect, it can be even tougher to unravel and heal.

Make an effort to get to know yourself. Bottling up emotions to the point where you barely feel them is a dangerous thing to do. Feel free to PM anytime if there are issues you would rather not write about publicly.

 

[Dave1699]

I can't hide the fact I'm a bit happy that someone actually responded so quickly ,I know what you are trying to tell me but don't worry , i tried making new experiences and I tried to get to learn new things or meet new people.. But every time i take part in something , I quickly lose interest and determination. I don't really feel anything anymore, i talked about anger and complain in my first post but that's how it seems to others because personally, I do not feel anything. Whether it's sadness, happiness etc

For a year now i've gotten "neutral" and i don't have emotions except one which you mentioned and which surprised me really
I coulldn't care less about acceptance or calm but you made me realise that the one emotion I can feel is wonder.

Maybe I'm wondering what's life like after we die or maybe i'm wondering about what could've happened if life turned out differently.
Unfortunately i believe wonder is what leads me to feeling like this :/ and i can't help but wonder

Seriously though :/ , can't thank you enough for replying

I also need to add that i suspect something anxiety-related and I can't sleep at all since these past few months

 

[cr33py]

'Dissociation' sounds like what that feeling is, to me. Its a symptom of deep anxiety. States of anger can also fall in that category, believe it or not.

 

[Cdkman]

The weed helps at first but remember it is a psychedelic and everyday use can be very detrimental to your psyche

you are not alone by a long shot late teen depression is everywhere I know some personally who dealt with it,myself included

 

[Dave1699]

I'm leaving this last reply to thank you few people who replied to me, I simply want to thank you for even taking the time to type a few words or sentences to this thread, it means a lot to me and always will, as you people helped make a decision.

I thought about doing it today, I'm scared and terrified , but i think i'll end this in a few more days, so i can really have one last good time with each and every person i care about, and keep those memories on the other side
i thank you all again, and wish you will succeed where i failed

See you all some day

 

[Mr excuse me sir]

Sure thing. Such is life