I just posted in a thread with a similar theme where the OP was looking for an easily acquirable substitute for Amphetamine and I told him that there really wasn't. Unfortunately, this is the case for you as well. Benzodiazepines are relatively powerful sedatives and although their effects can seem mild at times, make no mistake that Benzodiazepines will cause serious changes in your physiology. These drugs, that seem mild at times, can cause insane addiction and dependence and can produce the most nightmarish withdrawal syndrome one can experience.
As far as OTC substitutes for Benzodiazepines, you'll find nothing as effective in terms of OTC pharmaceuticals. As some other posters have said, Phenibut is an OTC supplement that can actually produce pretty strong anxiolysis and sedation and is a reasonable substitute for something like Lorazepam (Ativan), but it too can cause severe dependence and according to what many have stated, the withdrawal from Phenibut is no laughing matter. It's too bad that you can't see your MD, because I feel that Gabapentinoids (Phenibut, Gabapentin, Pregabalin) are really the best and most reasonable treatment for anxiety and/or depression. This is just my opinion, based upon my own experience and others'. Gabapentinoids can produce a noticeable decrease in anxiety from the first dose, unlike say, SSRI's which take weeks. These drugs are still abusable and can produce dependence and withdrawal, but in general, these effects are more mild with Gabapentinoids.
I am not here to judge you, but I want to give you some advice. It sounds like you're already in a position where you're abusing your medication just to feel normal or without anxiety. Drinking with Benzodiazepines is not a good thing. Drinking one alcoholic beverage with one pill is nothing to write home about, but you need to bear in mind that combining these substances produces a synergy (2+2=5). This could raise your tolerance faster and you could easily end up with a dependence upon both Alcohol and Benzodiazepines. Just be aware of your thought process. We will be here for you no matter what, but we would prefer you, for your own sake, to avoid going down the road of addiction.