Opium&Confused
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2017
- Messages
- 3
Hello all, I am new to posting here, although I read the forums all the time, especially during opiate withdrawal. I've been wanting to post but have felt too shy to do so. I truly want advice.
I am in a domestic relationship with my partner. We are both heroin addicts. As heroin tends to do, it has ruined my life in the past year. Put me in jail for 20 days, and cost me my amazing job. My depression this year has been overwhelming. My boyfriend and I on and off quit. He controls when we start/stop, and many times, like presently, he has chosen for me to stop but not for him. I am going through the sickness cold turkey, and it's agonizing for me that he is still using in front of me and won't let me use. I feel like a pathetic crybaby but the addict inside me is screaming. Freaking kills me. He also doesn't have any sympathy for my sickness. He usually obtains suboxone and xanax for when he/we quits, which helps immensely IMO.
He rubs using in my face. He's always nodding off standing up. I hate him right now. Can't stand to look at him. He makes fun of me and my being sick, says it's all in my head. Ugh!!!! Says I'm faking my cold sweats and leg and back pain and vomit and diarrhea and anxiety attacks and sleeplessness. It makes me want to cry.
When he does quit, he stays on suboxone and is mean and shows no affection and has no sex drive. On heroin he has no sex drive but shows affection. It's preferable sadly. Our sex life, which used to be so amazing, is nonexistent.
I guess I just needed to vent, and to receive advice. I am in no financial position to leave, nor support my own habit. When I had a job we both contributed. love him very much but hate this situation and how much hatred I feel towards him right now.
I am in a domestic relationship with my partner. We are both heroin addicts. As heroin tends to do, it has ruined my life in the past year. Put me in jail for 20 days, and cost me my amazing job. My depression this year has been overwhelming. My boyfriend and I on and off quit. He controls when we start/stop, and many times, like presently, he has chosen for me to stop but not for him. I am going through the sickness cold turkey, and it's agonizing for me that he is still using in front of me and won't let me use. I feel like a pathetic crybaby but the addict inside me is screaming. Freaking kills me. He also doesn't have any sympathy for my sickness. He usually obtains suboxone and xanax for when he/we quits, which helps immensely IMO.
He rubs using in my face. He's always nodding off standing up. I hate him right now. Can't stand to look at him. He makes fun of me and my being sick, says it's all in my head. Ugh!!!! Says I'm faking my cold sweats and leg and back pain and vomit and diarrhea and anxiety attacks and sleeplessness. It makes me want to cry.
When he does quit, he stays on suboxone and is mean and shows no affection and has no sex drive. On heroin he has no sex drive but shows affection. It's preferable sadly. Our sex life, which used to be so amazing, is nonexistent.
I guess I just needed to vent, and to receive advice. I am in no financial position to leave, nor support my own habit. When I had a job we both contributed. love him very much but hate this situation and how much hatred I feel towards him right now.