Alright everything has been groovy so far as far as taper->acute wd->feel like a million fucking bucks till it's time to do the sleepy bye thing. I am taking two benadryl at night with .5-1mg of ativan (try .5 most of the time). But even that isn't helping, most nights (except 1) I've been able to get 4-6 hours of sleep with the combo but the worst everything comes out at night. From muscle cramps in my legs to cravings/anxiety. I don't feel like this during the day or evening only when it get's time for sleeping. Any suggestions (especially even though I have like 50 refills on my ativan I want to stop using it)? I'm seriously thinking of copping just a point so I can fucking sleep on those really bad nights but I think that is honestly a pretty terrible idea.
I mean 95% of the day the thought of relapsing actually disgusts me; no seriously, it crosses my mind all the time but I have so much energy and focus right now naturally it's amazing and freaking awesome I walked 8 miles today with an old highschool friend. We reminencesed about the past, talked about the present woes, and you know something articulate about the future, then I went over to a different friends house and smoked off a hookah for a couple hours while chewing the shit (neither are addicts) and you know during my using time I never wanted to leave the house and these people really didn't want to hang out with me anyways. So I mean my life is honest-to-whatever higher power there is way fucking better especially since during the day if I do get a minor craving I just focus it into my normal state of 'mania' (I am technically bipolar type 1 with a default state of manic before the opiates, the opiates actually managed the bipolar).
I'm watching less tv (like 1 episode a day instead of a series without a break), I'm fucking rocking out to music (this actually has been my staple of release, and when stuck inside it's a mix of WoW for nostalgia and music) I mean I am actually happy for the first time in a fucking decade. Sure I have the runs and I'm drinking a shitton of pepto bismol (a little scared to use loperamine, horror stories of addiction to it AND it is still an opiate BBB crossing or not).
The only things I seem to have lost is a filter on my mouth, sometimes my brain seems to stutter, and a bit of patience but I'm so fucking happy it's like nothing could go wrong anyways.
Then night time hits, and it's like "WHAT THE FUCK BODY I JUST WANT TO SLEEP", my brain tells me to start shutting down for sleep so I shut off the tv or switch to solo piano music and set it to play lightly, close my eyes take a deep breath, and then BAM my anxiety hits and I want a fucking hit so bad it's just off the scale. Then my legs start cramping, then my body starts getting that "withdrawal smell", so I angerly get up take a scalding hot shower (something I really enjoy now that I'm off, it's odd I thought pain would be bad but in this case the hot water is actually really relaxing and I get a mild buzz from it). I go back to lay down after my shower and drying off now I'm yawning like crazy and my body is telling me it's time to fucking sleep jackass, and everything just get's worst! (Sans smell, showers work wonders :D) So I take my 2 benadryl and my 1 or 2 ativan .5mg and about an hour and a half later I finally pass out for 4-6 hours waking almost constantly at 4am.
I think it would be fucking stupid as shit to go cop for this, but I gotta stop the ativan I dealt with a light benzo withdrawal while I was on the opiates decided pro-v-con the drug isn't my cup of tea. And I am only using it to sleep.
Advice please anyone I just want to sleep at night without having to rely on pharma. And why is it "night and day" during well "night and day"?
One other question, when will the runs end? I'm sure it's different person to person, but it would be nice to go back to taking one shit a day and no matter how tasty pepto bismol is I am sure there is a bit of concern for long term use (since I just read the bottle says don't use form more than 2 days and I think this is like day 5 I've been drinking it? I'm thinking that warning more exists because for long lasting diahrea that comes out of nowhere you probably should consult a doc).
I mean 95% of the day the thought of relapsing actually disgusts me; no seriously, it crosses my mind all the time but I have so much energy and focus right now naturally it's amazing and freaking awesome I walked 8 miles today with an old highschool friend. We reminencesed about the past, talked about the present woes, and you know something articulate about the future, then I went over to a different friends house and smoked off a hookah for a couple hours while chewing the shit (neither are addicts) and you know during my using time I never wanted to leave the house and these people really didn't want to hang out with me anyways. So I mean my life is honest-to-whatever higher power there is way fucking better especially since during the day if I do get a minor craving I just focus it into my normal state of 'mania' (I am technically bipolar type 1 with a default state of manic before the opiates, the opiates actually managed the bipolar).
I'm watching less tv (like 1 episode a day instead of a series without a break), I'm fucking rocking out to music (this actually has been my staple of release, and when stuck inside it's a mix of WoW for nostalgia and music) I mean I am actually happy for the first time in a fucking decade. Sure I have the runs and I'm drinking a shitton of pepto bismol (a little scared to use loperamine, horror stories of addiction to it AND it is still an opiate BBB crossing or not).
The only things I seem to have lost is a filter on my mouth, sometimes my brain seems to stutter, and a bit of patience but I'm so fucking happy it's like nothing could go wrong anyways.
Then night time hits, and it's like "WHAT THE FUCK BODY I JUST WANT TO SLEEP", my brain tells me to start shutting down for sleep so I shut off the tv or switch to solo piano music and set it to play lightly, close my eyes take a deep breath, and then BAM my anxiety hits and I want a fucking hit so bad it's just off the scale. Then my legs start cramping, then my body starts getting that "withdrawal smell", so I angerly get up take a scalding hot shower (something I really enjoy now that I'm off, it's odd I thought pain would be bad but in this case the hot water is actually really relaxing and I get a mild buzz from it). I go back to lay down after my shower and drying off now I'm yawning like crazy and my body is telling me it's time to fucking sleep jackass, and everything just get's worst! (Sans smell, showers work wonders :D) So I take my 2 benadryl and my 1 or 2 ativan .5mg and about an hour and a half later I finally pass out for 4-6 hours waking almost constantly at 4am.
I think it would be fucking stupid as shit to go cop for this, but I gotta stop the ativan I dealt with a light benzo withdrawal while I was on the opiates decided pro-v-con the drug isn't my cup of tea. And I am only using it to sleep.
Advice please anyone I just want to sleep at night without having to rely on pharma. And why is it "night and day" during well "night and day"?
One other question, when will the runs end? I'm sure it's different person to person, but it would be nice to go back to taking one shit a day and no matter how tasty pepto bismol is I am sure there is a bit of concern for long term use (since I just read the bottle says don't use form more than 2 days and I think this is like day 5 I've been drinking it? I'm thinking that warning more exists because for long lasting diahrea that comes out of nowhere you probably should consult a doc).
Last edited: