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TDS On my fourth attempt to taper off of Klonopin, feeling hopeless

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fuzzydunlop44

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Joined
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Very long story short, in 2012 I was abusing Adderall which awakened a dormant anxiety disorder and led me to the ER where I was given Ativan and told to take 3 pills a day, everyday. When I followed up with my PCP he said the same thing. Being completely naive and not aware of any potential dangers I followed the advice and without knowing it quickly became tolerant.


When I complained about new symptoms I was told my anxiety disorder was getting worse and so I was switched to Xanax and ultimately Klonopin where my dose was raised relatively considerably in an effort to "stabilize" me. I was also taken on and off many psych drugs during this time period.


In 2016 I attempted to taper myself off of 2.5 mg's of Klonopin and I got down to 1.5 when the symptoms became intense and I followed the advice of someone who runs a benzo Facebook group and upped my dose to 2 and ultimately reinstated at 2.5. Ever since then I have just been a complete wreck. I'm horribly agoraphobic, have depersonalization 24/7, my whole life has been turned upside down to say the least.


I am now tapering using a scale and razor and making progress but my quality of life is non existent. I have extra 5 mg Valium pills from a failed crossover that I take sparingly when I feel like I can't go on and just want some sort of relief. I've tried adjunct meds but I'm in tolerance and none of them have helped. Am I just fucked and looking at years of suffering to get off? I just want my life back so bad. I try meditation, CBT, talk therapy, yoga and many other methods of managing my anxiety but I'm so fucked up from years of daily benzo use that it doesn't help.


I know adding another benzo to the mix sounds crazy but if 5 mg's of Valium could finally get me through my Klonopin taper then I'd be willing to try it. Although my prescriber wouldn't go for that so it's not really even an option and me taking leftover doses has just made me worse. I don't know what I'm looking for I guess I just needed to vent and hope for any advice anyone can give. I don't want to lose my life to this fucking pill.

Note: My taper in 2016 was a daily liquid micro taper that I did using whole milk and it went relatively smooth as I was still pretty rough but able to do things like exercise, go for walks, see friends, do chores around the house, watch TV/movies/sports, etc. However after crashing and updosing and having a rocky 2017 filled with fluctuating dosages and med switches and failed crossovers I'm unable to do pretty much anything. I can't distract I just live in utter fear and isolation shaving a bit off my pill everyday and hoping I can somehow make it through this or that things will improve even a little bit. I also was unable to return to the liquid method after several attempts because for whatever reason every time I try it feels like I made a massive cut even though I've just liquefied the pill without taking anything away. So that's why I started the dry cut microtaper method. I've had two of these taper attempts that failed and resulted in reinstatements again and this is now my fourth taper and I've stuck to it everyday since early February but the progress is slow and getting through the days is extremely difficult.
 
Hi,
My fiancee used to use 6mg of clonazepam a day and tried multiple times to slowly taper out of it but it didn't work.

She ended up detoxing at a facility with fast taper and tapered for six days and then stayed a week in the same facility where they monitored for any symptoms and although it was a shitty two weeks for her she still managed to quit better that way than with a slow taper.

Sometimes faster tapering is a better option especially if you haven't tried it before.
 
That works for some people but I don't know. I mean if so knew for certain it would work I'd definitely do it but I react horribly to even .25-.5 mg cuts, how the hell am I gonna react to being ripped off 2.5 mg's? I just don't see how that makes sense.
 
Well as long as you take sufficient amount to avoid seizures it won't feel much worse to drop the dose with 2.5mg than 0.5mg.
 
That isn't true. I have spoken to many people who have gone to a detox to get off and have had symptoms as severe as psychosis and akathesia that lasted for months. If it could be done for everyone in 6 days then everyone would do that but it all really depends on how sensitized a person's central nervous system is and mine is quite bad because of all the medication and dose changes. I could get off without having a seizure but there are lots of other long term and short term risks, many of which lead people to take their lives. I don't know what to do, I'm so scared. I feel sicker everyday.
 
MrRoot said:
Hi,
My fiancee used to use 6mg of clonazepam a day and tried multiple times to slowly taper out of it but it didn't work.

She ended up detoxing at a facility with fast taper and tapered for six days and then stayed a week in the same facility where they monitored for any symptoms and although it was a shitty two weeks for her she still managed to quit better that way than with a slow taper.

Sometimes faster tapering is a better option especially if you haven't tried it before.
Click to expand...

Can't believe a moderator would give such reckless advice. You have no fucking clue what you're talking about.
 
fuzzydunlop44 said:
Very long story short, in 2012 I was abusing Adderall which awakened a dormant anxiety disorder and led me to the ER where I was given Ativan and told to take 3 pills a day, everyday. When I followed up with my PCP he said the same thing. Being completely naive and not aware of any potential dangers I followed the advice and without knowing it quickly became tolerant.


When I complained about new symptoms I was told my anxiety disorder was getting worse and so I was switched to Xanax and ultimately Klonopin where my dose was raised relatively considerably in an effort to "stabilize" me. I was also taken on and off many psych drugs during this time period.


In 2016 I attempted to taper myself off of 2.5 mg's of Klonopin and I got down to 1.5 when the symptoms became intense and I followed the advice of someone who runs a benzo Facebook group and upped my dose to 2 and ultimately reinstated at 2.5. Ever since then I have just been a complete wreck. I'm horribly agoraphobic, have depersonalization 24/7, my whole life has been turned upside down to say the least.


I am now tapering using a scale and razor and making progress but my quality of life is non existent. I have extra 5 mg Valium pills from a failed crossover that I take sparingly when I feel like I can't go on and just want some sort of relief. I've tried adjunct meds but I'm in tolerance and none of them have helped. Am I just fucked and looking at years of suffering to get off? I just want my life back so bad. I try meditation, CBT, talk therapy, yoga and many other methods of managing my anxiety but I'm so fucked up from years of daily benzo use that it doesn't help.


I know adding another benzo to the mix sounds crazy but if 5 mg's of Valium could finally get me through my Klonopin taper then I'd be willing to try it. Although my prescriber wouldn't go for that so it's not really even an option and me taking leftover doses has just made me worse. I don't know what I'm looking for I guess I just needed to vent and hope for any advice anyone can give. I don't want to lose my life to this fucking pill.

Note: My taper in 2016 was a daily liquid micro taper that I did using whole milk and it went relatively smooth as I was still pretty rough but able to do things like exercise, go for walks, see friends, do chores around the house, watch TV/movies/sports, etc. However after crashing and updosing and having a rocky 2017 filled with fluctuating dosages and med switches and failed crossovers I'm unable to do pretty much anything. I can't distract I just live in utter fear and isolation shaving a bit off my pill everyday and hoping I can somehow make it through this or that things will improve even a little bit. I also was unable to return to the liquid method after several attempts because for whatever reason every time I try it feels like I made a massive cut even though I've just liquefied the pill without taking anything away. So that's why I started the dry cut microtaper method. I've had two of these taper attempts that failed and resulted in reinstatements again and this is now my fourth taper and I've stuck to it everyday since early February but the progress is slow and getting through the days is extremely difficult.
Click to expand...

I would suggest switching completely to either diazepam or chlordiazepoxide, and then continuing your gradual taper from there. Also, if you can get a hold of some gabapentin or pregabalin, they work wonders for the WD'S.
 
I have other people telling me to go to a detox too and I'm so desperate that even though I've always been told not to do that and that benzos have to be tapered off slowly the more I hear this advice the more I think it may be a legitimate option even though I can't handle .125 mg cuts so I don't know how the hell I'm gonna do when I'm ripped off 2.5 mg's at once.
 
fuzzydunlop44 said:
That isn't true. I have spoken to many people who have gone to a detox to get off and have had symptoms as severe as psychosis and akathesia that lasted for months. If it could be done for everyone in 6 days then everyone would do that but it all really depends on how sensitized a person's central nervous system is and mine is quite bad because of all the medication and dose changes. I could get off without having a seizure but there are lots of other long term and short term risks, many of which lead people to take their lives. I don't know what to do, I'm so scared. I feel sicker everyday.
Click to expand...

This.

If planning to do a rapid taper or cold turkey off benzos, the only safe way to do so is under medical supervision and preferably with some sort of mental health support. There is risk of some very serious side effects, like psychosis and seizure, and it is not just a matter of tuffing it out or not being strong enough or lack of will power. There is a lot happening in your brain and body as you begin your recovery process. If you can, going through a medical detox then into a dual diagnosis inpatient rehab might be the best option so that you can get the help you need. If that's not an option, maybe consult with your GP(regular doctor) and find a psychiatrist who can work with you. That way at the very least you can get on anti-seizure meds and probably a number of other comfort meds that can make the acute withdrawals bearable. This last time I was given zofran for nausea and it was a god send.

I've had some pretty nasty WDs, psychosis, seizure, and the works. It's not the end of the world, but it does make things more difficult. well, I suppose it could have been the end of my world since seizures can be fatal.




Basically, consider your options. If you stop taking the drug you are going to go into WDs, no questions asked. So you can keep taking the drug, or stop taking it.

If you choose to stop, then your choice is to either go at it alone, risk insanity and possibly even death, or get help.

If you choose to get help, you can go to a medical detox, and/or try to find inpatient facility with medical, or possibly another type of mental health facility with medical staff. All this depends on insurance, money, and eligibility. You'll have to make some phone calls but hopefully you can find someone who can help you find which program is right for you. You can also consult your regular doctor and try to find a psychiatrist who will work with you, but chances are you will get referred to some type of detox program. Hospitals can provide the medical attention you need, but they can't really provide much emotional support.

Feel free to DM me as well. I will help in any way that I can.
 
My whole issue is that from what I've heard and the many people I've spoken with I risk insanity or death if I go to the vast majority of detox programs anyway. My insurance is not good so I will be sent to a place that will likely rip me off cold turkey or in a couple days and give me enough meds to avoid seizures but at that point my brain and central nervous system would be so totally shocked so don't think I'd ever recover. I'm suffering bad but it's not a risk I'm willing to take. I've seen far too many people end up committing suicide because of a cold turkey either because of their doctor or because of a detox program.
 
Fuzzy, I also got my first benzo prescription after a trip to the ER for a panic attack. They helped at first but my quality of life on benzos quickly dropped. These horrible drugs created mental health issues that never previously existed for me. Your agoraphobia, depersonalization, and other issues may simply be benzo-induced, especially since you didn't mention experiencing them prior to trying benzos.

I quit cold-turkey after two years, and suffered unbelievable withdrawal for a full year afterward. That year passed and I was back to robust health, mentally and physically. Then I took a drink--one fucking drink (alcohol, of course, is known to effect the brain in a similar manner to benzos)--and all the withdrawal symptoms roared back, along with new ones that I'd never suffered before. (For instance, I developed acid reflux that, while it's no longer causing me to throw up after every meal, has never gone away.) Tapering will probably help you to avoid these debilitating fluctuations.

I did it the wrong way but succeeded anyway. I quit cold-turkey, survived it. Threw my health away, went into withdrawal, survived that. I was benzo-free for seven years. While quitting benzos will result in withdrawal symptoms, continuing to take them will result in equally crushing side effects and ruin your life long-term.
 
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Well, that risk stands whether or not you get help. The chances will be minimized by doing a slow taper, but assuming you do it correctly, I would still suggest having someone nearby who can at the very least get help if needed. Part of the problem with doing it by yourself is that when the confusion and WDs really set in, it can be very difficult to think clearly and make rational decisions like you normally would. Makes mixing up dosages and not following your taper plan correctly very easy and very real possibilities.

Also, a taper will not be easy either. It will be a very slow and at times, agonizing, process. It will take months, maybe years before you finally get it, and you will still have to deal with some WDs/PAWs after that. The symptoms will be less severe and far more manageable after tapering, but tapering is not a walk in the park either.

And if worse comes to worse and you find yourself hearing voices, talking to yourself, or wake up after having had a seizure, you can still pull through. The important thing is to have help around if these types of things happen.
 
Queenscarlet, yes my agoraphobia and DP/DR are definitely benzo induced as I had never experienced anything even close to these symptoms previously and they only emerged after long term daily benzo use. However when I would tell my prescribers this they told me it was my anxiety disorder getting worse and I listened to them when they upped my dosage because I didn't know any better. And now that I'm in tolerance I'm just in complete hell. I just want to survive this and get my life back but getting through the days is so hard.
 
Chon, my first taper was hardly a walk in the park but I was much more functional but now ever since reinstating and having a failed Valium cross it is a challenge to get through each day. I really don't think a seizure is a risk with a slow taper, I've never heard of anyone doing a slow taper having a seizure before but I realize that very severe symptoms like psychosis and akathisia are possible and potentially even likely at this point. How can this fucking drug be so difficult to come off? I'm just trying to do things the right way. I knew it would be difficult but this is damn near impossible. I truly don't know how anyone gets through a years long microtaper with no quality of life but I also am very hesitant to go to a detox where I could be ripped off in days and left in a place where I could not return from as so many before me have.
 
Yeah I'm not really knowledgeable in what specific action causes the seizure so I can't really say for sure what prevents them, but just speaking from anecdotal expereience, the risk of seizure stands because of the confusion associated with benzo taper. Maybe if you have someone who can monitor your doses for you, but every time I have tried to do it on my own I wound up confusing time/days, length of taper, amount to dose, and when to dose. Then if you start into your taper too quickly and wind up staying up for a week straight and start hallucinating... well it's certain to be a shit show after that. Even after the second day of pacing around my room with the thoughts darker than night bouncing around my head-- I knew I was in trouble but the door to madness doesn't close as easily as it opens...

And for me, the bigger question is, how will you know when it is safe to step off? I thought I was in the clear before my seizures. It might be handy to get a calendar and write out the planned doses, then mark off the days and log the actual dose took and time taken to prevent any confusion. I would stock up on pedialyte, gatorade, water, canned food, and other easy to prepare meals that have a relatively long shelf life. Chances are you aren't going to feel much like going to the store while detoxing, I know I had to have someone do some shopping for me a few times.

And having been through seizures and psychosis, I'm here to tell you it is not the end of the world if something does happen, just so long as you wake up. I'm fortunate enough to have had my seizure around other people who were able to call for help. I can't say what would have happened otherwise. I have no recollection of the ambulance, just waking up in the hospital an unknown number of hours later.

I'll PM you tomorrow, I guess I'm at my limit for the next 90 minutes.
 
I'm not detoxing at home, I'm doing a slow like 5% a month taper. I truly do not believe I would survive a detox at home or at a detox center and frankly I'm really surprised by how many people are advocating the detox route. I think any anecdotal stories of people cold turkeying or coming off in 3-6 days are really lucky they have the genetics to handle that because if that really worked of course everyone would do it and not face months-years of a hellish taper.
 
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Hi...
I was put on klonipin back in December when I came off of years of oxy. It and Kratom really helped with my withdrawals.i made a plan and stuck with it.
After a three weeks off of the oxy I was ready to come off of the klonipin. It took me longer to come off the klonipin then it did years of oxy. Crazy how in a few weeks that drug had already made my body addicted to it.
I was taking 3 mg per day. I slowly lowered my dosage by half a pill every week until I was down to a half a pill per day. Then I stopped completely. So i was on the klonipin for 6+ weeks. When they say the withdrawals peak at two weeks they mean it, but after that the withdrawal symptoms started to subside slowly. I can see where if I had taken this much longer it would be even more difficult to come off of. A horrible drug.

The problem with getting inpatient medical help is it leaves a blemish on your record for life. Your insurance won?t want to cover certain meds if you need them and doctors won?t treat you the same ever again. This is why I chose to do it on my own. I have actual back issues so not willing to risk it.

I wish you all the best in finding a solution that fits you. Everybody is different. You have to work your own program. You know what you can handle. It won?t be easy. Maybe the hardest thing you have ever done but if your determined you can do it.... there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
 
I finally registered here just so I could reply to you, Fuzzy. I'm so sorry for your situation. I quit suboxone 6 weeks ago and am still dealing with horrific anxiety and insomnia, though I'm sure it's nowhere near as bad as benzo w/d. A couple things have helped take the edge off for me. One is kava, though it took a few doses for me to actually feel the relaxing effects. Another thing that has been surprising in it's efficacy is a withdrawal supplement called elimidrol. These things have been just as effective if not more than taking occasional benzos. One other thing you could try is treating your dependence with dietary supplements. Just finished a book called "End your addiction Now" by Charles Gant. He goes through different drugs and their effects on your body and how to get your levels back to where they need to be so you can taper, jump, and get back to pre-drug chemistry. He includes written tests to determine what you're deficient in and what exactly to take to restore those deficiencies. I really like this approach as it's not a bandaid just covering up symptoms, it actually treats the underlying problem. I truly hope you find relief soon and can take your life back!
 
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