Etizolam is one of the most dangerous drugs out there. Seriously anyone reading this never go anywhere near it unless you are already enslaved to benzos and needing a second rate hit.
I snorted H for many years all day every day, was a functional addict until I wasn't. The withdrawal was indescribable hell, but I never felt insane. I knew what I had gotten myself into, and even if I couldn't think, I knew to just ride it out for 3 or 4 weeks and then get moving. Essentially I knew I was going to be okay.
I started getting panic attacks every day multiple times before I got into hard drugs other than party ones, the type that is more self medication. This went on for a year and I was losing my mind and they tried seroquel which is an awful one. I was taking like a gram a day too. Then antidepressants made me feel nauseated, probs cause my body is fucked from all the drugs. I think. Somehow I still look good and people think I look 5 years younger than I am.
I can see that changing though. I'm not taking care of myself as well. I'm not taking it for granted that I'm all that resilient or anything because I'm not. Lots of people cold turkey heroin and never look back. You just have to fuck up your life to the extent that it is infinitely no longer justifiable or even feasible, and survive long enough to get there.
Luck seems to balance lack of luck in my life. Dudes I just realized how baked I am lol. I love to write when I'm stoned, and I made it all day without smoking past midnight now! That is insane to me but I had to cut back waiting on a fresh supply so I did. Been smokin tropical sativas lately, moving to blueberry tomorrow hopefully or I'm stuck with .35 grams for the day and night. Giggling my ass off atm.
Think I might enjoy myself somehow. I really liked the season Cult from AHS so I might check out this new one. Got it on my iPad, if not there are Fight Club and A Quiet Place to choose between. Hmm... it's pretty quiet here and I don't know if I want to fight with any of you guys right now. My back hurts in etizolam withdrawal, I can't sleep, and my hands are trembling enough that I will probably spill some of my dose when I go to weigh it. I was supposed to take my taper dose 2 hours ago and this shit enters seizure territory pretty damn fast so I probably should do that and enjoy the little point 1-5 that got me high as fuck!
BPD sucks.