Yeah I agree lvl 18, I am just a volatile person. I'm an asshole if I'm not stoned, pretty much, I'm really bitter about my past, resentful of life in general, my family, the way society is structured, and my present is beyond shit. I pretty much hate life to the point that I wouldn't be here but I like to smoke that weed and to hell if someone else is gonna smoke my berry. So I need to keep lit but I was smoking joints of outdoor today and just depressed. I am also downright hateful towards myself of being addicted to benzodiazepines severely. I miss being a junkie it doesn't even seem like a drug in comparison.
I'd totally be dabbing right now if I could afford it but my dab rig was confiscated when I last overdosed as I guess a recycler rig looks to cops like some sort of crack pipe. I was out cold for 12 hours though kind of deserved it.
I prefer live resin I like the terpenes, see what I tend to do is go through phases of all ROA's except oral I can't stand edibles they are too unpredictable and can get me way too high even when I can smoke bong rip after bong rip.
A year ago, a joint phase began that lasted until early this spring when I had smoked through the pounds. Then I switched to hash to clear my lungs out a bit. I got sick of the hash but I wouldn't smoke tree when I was smoking hash. Cause my bong is unfortunately pretty small at the moment, and I am used to tall beaker bongs but again I probably should have watched my dose after not using oxy's for so long I didn't care at the time though.
So now I find my throat getting sore after a few tokes, as I like to hit like .3 to .5 at once or as much as I can fill my lung capacity with (like I'll do yoga first or go for a brisk walk, and also go outside where the air is cool it helps take a bigger rip).
At this point I should graduate to a tall beaker bong as it would help my lungs out and to take bigger hits. I'd prefer that to dabbing because once I start dabbing weed becomes useless to me. When I used to have friends before I became a junkie my friends would laugh so hard. I was always the first doper to be experimenting with something new, been dabbing for soooo long they didn't know wtf was going on lol. They were just like that guys a pro haha. I felt awkward turning down bong rips but they would make me choke like crazy and actually get too high. There's something about it like when I dabbed exclusively I would take a bong rip and possibly have a panic attack. It is likely my panic disorder but there is a pretty big difference.
And then get a dab rig, as this little bong just is not working out for me anymore. But, I have a little outdoor so it is a joint rolling phase now cause I don't really like bonging outdoor. Bong at nights, joints of outdoor during the day for now. I switch the way I smoke up as much as I change the colour of my hair and sometimes will randomly quit for like 3 years but never the fuck again that's when I got addicted to real drugs.
I was just outside smoking at the park, at sunset, well a second joint cause you gotta smoke two joints right. And then smoke two more. And yeah I gotta stop dwelling on my past it feels like if it has been 10 months and nothing has changed nothing is ever going to change. I am a better person when I use heroin and cannabis. I will always hate the day I was given my first xanax at the ER, and a script to take home and then be cut off two months later, but weed is my soft drug of choice along with tea, and heroin is far and wide my anything else drug of choice. It's hard to keep away from it when I'm this low in life right now because I know it would make everything I am extremely enraged about float away so I could think straight for the first time this year.
Gonna smoke some more bong. Don't have much uk cheddar (cheese I just call it that) but I think I can sneak another fat toke in. Gotta smoke that berry too I guess I'm all about indica these days, makes sense cause I'm trying to get off benzos and realizing I can't.
