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OCD spin out ---SEXTING fears, suicidal

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elstongunn39

Bluelighter
Joined
May 30, 2014
Messages
174
I thought I had really gotten a LOT better at coping with my ocd, but something just recently happened which gave me a scenario I was scared of so bad that I've just lost all touch with reality and can't cope anymore. I was doing webcam-modelling, and some girl dm-ed me asking for my number. at first i said no and was cautious, and she was like "you're so hot, let me send you pics" So i gave in... I knew it was potentially a bad idea but I didn't feel anxious about it at the time... NOw she's sent me a bunch of pics, some of which seem like of a different person but it's hard to tell--and I should've left it at that... not really that worried about her not being who she says she is i could give less than a shit. But out of curiosity, I entered one of the pics she sent me into a reverse google image search. It was a really generic/typical porn-seeming pic of a woman on all fours, shot from behind, with a waxed vagina. I thought nothing of it. But from the search results I see some words like "teen" ..." young " "girl" ... I clicked away really fast cause that freaked me out. I don't think it was underage, probably it was just like 18+ "teen" category porn. But that "probably" isn't enough for me. I'm prettttyyy sure that she is over 20 herself--you have to show an ID to cam on this site, and she has cammed on it, and she told me over text that she is 22. But now I'm really worried that in misrepresenting herself, she might have sent me a questionable image that has someone underage in it (it looks overage, but i just find it really hard to tell from a small photo of someone with a waxed vagina), that I then ENTERED INTO A SEARCH BAR ON THE CLEARNET SIGNED INTO MY GOOGLE ACCOUNT. I can't do almost ANYTHING because I'm so obsessed with this/worried about it. It's brought me near suicide, seriously. My friend told me that is nothing to worry about. But I'm just so worried. I think this obsession is bringing me down because being a sex offender /on the registry is like the worst thing I can think of and no matter how unlikely the chance I can't take the tiniest chance. So if she sent me a questionable image and I have the whole context of the chat saved, would I be in trouble???? I literally can't think of anything else--I could ask her but i think that could offend her/weird her out --sincerely, OCD in Oklahoma/ SUICIDal in Santa Fe
 
this guy told me i should report those images to the police--but i'm like 95% sure theyre just normal adult porn images i don't wanna fuck over some woman's life
 
Don't kill yourself - get rid of the pictures and clear your history, and take a deep breath - you'll be fine.

In future don't get carried away clicking links, and if you're struggling with OCD to that level reconsider your activity online as a cam model.
 
should i go to the police and show them the chat? I didn't click any links! i just used a photo i'd emailed myself from my phone i'd been sent to revearse image search it--not because i thought it was cp but because i wanted to find out who this woman was
 
You're stressing out too much - don't go to the police, no need to incriminate yourself for something that potentially isn't even a legal matter.

Breathe.
 
The only reason for going to the police over an accidental exposure to child porn would be if you feel that the child is in danger. I think one truth that nobody wants to admit is that a lot of those amateur/girlfriend sites are saturated with underage girls, to the point where probably a good fraction of the world is now guilty of the act of simply having viewed something like that sometime, somewhere. The webmasters are the ones who should be paranoid, not the ordinary viewers of the internet. You'd need proof of intent to trade/circulate/distribute take a person down for child porn. Anyone telling you to go to the police is just fucking with you. If you go to anybody at all, go to an attorney (who will tell you to chill out). Don't give the police a reason to start looking into your life (especially if you are a BLer).
 
like i said i'm mostly sure it isn't actually child porn, I guess i'm just not used to sexting, esp. w/ girls who have waxed vaginas so i can't tell if the pic is def. 100% sure to be of someone over 18.. but I can't stand that less than 1% chance even
 
Either the delete button or flamethrower to the hard drive..the choice is yours
 
cdkman i already deleted it but like i said it just looks like normal porn, u think i have something to worry about?
 
phrase of the day: waxed vagina

I think you're worked up over nothing. Relax dood
 
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