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numbed response to music

pmz

pmz

Bluelighter
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
550
I know a lot of guys are familiar with my comedown story so.

But ive been trying to figure out what the deal is.

Since this whole long term come down thing happened, ive been really numbed out in terms of feeling good or high just from listening to music. It does not make me feel emotional like it used to. I seem to be a rare person in this regard. Though many people have depression/numbed emotions/DP and what not, they seem to have an emotional response to music still.

That build up and bass drop doesnt hit me like. Dubstep doesnt course through me like it used to. Trance and melodic doesnt make me emotional.

Music has been far more enjoyable than it was a few months ago, but its just annoying.

Could it be a real chemical thing for me? If so why dont more people have this. Or have I just associated with music to the drugs I took which lead to my come down and my brain just is having trouble getting lost into music because it related to the issues I have.
 
Imagine following situation:

The first car you got for yourself has 90ps. Then you get to drive a car with 200ps a few times, after which you get back to your old car. Driving with it wont give you the exciting feeling you had before you drove with the 200ps car. It will feel slow and not as much fun as before, but not because the old car isn't working right anymore,but because your expactations changed which directly alters your response to stimuli.


It's a bit like a self-fullfiling prophecy. If you keep saying yourself it's not good enough because in the past it was (supposedly) better , you deny yourself the possibilty of enjoying it in the present.

Change the way you think about it, to change the way you experience it.

Don't compare it to the past and just appreciate what you feel now. Time will do the rest :)
 
FluoTox said:
Imagine following situation:

The first car you got for yourselve has 90ps. Then you get to drive a car with 200ps a few times, after which you get back to your old car. Driving with it wont give you the exciting feeling you had before you drove with the 200ps car. It will feel slow and not as much fun as before, but not because the old car isn't working right anymore,but because your expactations changed which directly alters your response to stimuli.


It's a bit like a self-fullfiling prophecy. If you keep saying yourself it's not good enough because in the past it was (supposedly) better , you deny yourself the possibilty of enjoying it in the present.

Change the way you think about it, to change the way you experience it.

Don't compare it to the past and just appreciate what you feel now. Time will do the rest :)
Click to expand...

Its what I keep telling my self honestly. But I still cant help to deny that bodily sensations of excitement is just not there. The way dubstep just literally wobbles through you. My brain expects something and my body does not supply it. Its hard, but i guess it will come back in time
 
Your just growing out of dubstep. Focus more on Trance for eternal happiness. :)
Just my .02. Cheer up. When your brains healed..so will the pleasures of everyday life...including
Your music love.
 
I would say weed, for me anyway, brings back memories of rolling on songs I used to roll too and I get that slight roll feeling even over a year and a half after the actual roll itself + I haven't experienced MDMA for over a year. Otherwise, give it time for you too heal. I also had numbed response or really depressive emotional response to music on my 3 month comedown, but it got better with time and weed doesnt make me worse rather I use it everyday now to stimulate those rolling feelings/music enhancement... allthough it will never be as good as the real thing.

But weed is going to make you worse most likely whilst recovering from MDMA abuse. The weed highs just become panicky. MDMA changes the highs of weed IMO, if you abuse it the weed high becomes bad but if you responsibly use MDMA it changes the weed high to a more rolling type feeling.
 
Listen to this good ole Rock an Roll by Jimi Hendricks an tell me what you think of the bass let alone the lead, "All along the Watchtower."
 
Forgot to ask, you're not on an SSRI are you? They are notorious for blunting music response.
 
I completely understand where you're coming from pmz. I use to be a dancer before my comedown. I've always just felt music in a certain way. Before that I was an audio engineer for my school for 3 years so I was very in tuned with my music response. It's been almost 4 years now and I don't feel the same way I did before the mdma bs. It's one of the things that I wanted Soo bad also. Music was always an outlet for me, it was always a big part of me and I'm still trying to regain that part again. It's getting there. Improvement speeds up at a certain point. Now I can close my eyes and feel the music again (thank god). For a while I thought it was gone forever and that deeply saddened me.
I've made more improvements this year than the past couple years. I know that I will get that sense of euphoria again from music. I just don't know when at this point. Time heals bro.
 
pmz said:
Could it be a real chemical thing for me? If so why dont more people have this. Or have I just associated with music to the drugs I took which lead to my come down and my brain just is having trouble getting lost into music because it related to the issues I have.
Click to expand...

I experience the same thing after using NMDA antagonists - music just doesn't sound the same without them. However, this effect reverses itself in time, like with all other drugs. I've experienced the same from MDMA too and opiates. Taking lots of drugs in general makes life seem less interesting without them. Abstain from drugs for a while and this problem will resolve itself.
 
yar0nin said:
I completely understand where you're coming from pmz. I use to be a dancer before my comedown. I've always just felt music in a certain way. Before that I was an audio engineer for my school for 3 years so I was very in tuned with my music response. It's been almost 4 years now and I don't feel the same way I did before the mdma bs. It's one of the things that I wanted Soo bad also. Music was always an outlet for me, it was always a big part of me and I'm still trying to regain that part again. It's getting there. Improvement speeds up at a certain point. Now I can close my eyes and feel the music again (thank god). For a while I thought it was gone forever and that deeply saddened me.
I've made more improvements this year than the past couple years. I know that I will get that sense of euphoria again from music. I just don't know when at this point. Time heals bro.
Click to expand...

wow, im sorry. Do you experience the same effect with other aspects in your life as well? I just feel numbed across the board. Like even watching a high adrenalin movie will do very little for me.

but you say that it has improved over time, so thats good

Have you experienced depersonalization? or disassociation?

what have you been doing to recover?
 
My abuse was really bad. I took random(checked pills report) pressed pills every 2 week for 6 months. After like 3 months there was no more euphoria but I kept taking it cuz I just wanted an escape from what was happening around me.
After this I wasn't functional for a whole year. Severe dp/dr, really bad anxiety. Brain was scattered like scrambled eggs, Fatigue, bad hppd. The whole shebang. I had 0 emotions. Dying would have been a relief.

What I did was what everyone adviced on every recovery thread. Take care of yourself. Believe in your body's ability to heal. I played basketball everyday. It was my way of tracking mental and physical improvement. Diet is CRUCIAL. Been eating bad recently and i could actually feel it slow down recovery.

Sorry have to cut this short, I'm at work an can't really post everything I want to say atm.

Anyway Keep pushing. recovery threads were non existent when I first joined this site but I made giant improvements.

My only problem now is that my emotions are still pretty blunted, and some cognitive issues. Other than that I'm very functional.

When those are back I'll be 100%. Good luck bro. Keep your head up.
 
yar0nin said:
My abuse was really bad. I took random(checked pills report) pressed pills every 2 week for 6 months. After like 3 months there was no more euphoria but I kept taking it cuz I just wanted an escape from what was happening around me.
After this I wasn't functional for a whole year. Severe dp/dr, really bad anxiety. Brain was scattered like scrambled eggs, Fatigue, bad hppd. The whole shebang. I had 0 emotions. Dying would have been a relief.

What I did was what everyone adviced on every recovery thread. Take care of yourself. Believe in your body's ability to heal. I played basketball everyday. It was my way of tracking mental and physical improvement. Diet is CRUCIAL. Been eating bad recently and i could actually feel it slow down recovery.

Sorry have to cut this short, I'm at work an can't really post everything I want to say atm.

Anyway Keep pushing. recovery threads were non existent when I first joined this site but I made giant improvements.

My only problem now is that my emotions are still pretty blunted, and some cognitive issues. Other than that I'm very functional.

When those are back I'll be 100%. Good luck bro. Keep your head up.
Click to expand...

You will eventually fully recover dude, keep it up :)
 
yar0nin said:
My abuse was really bad. I took random(checked pills report) pressed pills every 2 week for 6 months. After like 3 months there was no more euphoria but I kept taking it cuz I just wanted an escape from what was happening around me.
After this I wasn't functional for a whole year. Severe dp/dr, really bad anxiety. Brain was scattered like scrambled eggs, Fatigue, bad hppd. The whole shebang. I had 0 emotions. Dying would have been a relief.

What I did was what everyone adviced on every recovery thread. Take care of yourself. Believe in your body's ability to heal. I played basketball everyday. It was my way of tracking mental and physical improvement. Diet is CRUCIAL. Been eating bad recently and i could actually feel it slow down recovery.

Sorry have to cut this short, I'm at work an can't really post everything I want to say atm.

Anyway Keep pushing. recovery threads were non existent when I first joined this site but I made giant improvements.

My only problem now is that my emotions are still pretty blunted, and some cognitive issues. Other than that I'm very functional.

When those are back I'll be 100%. Good luck bro. Keep your head up.
Click to expand...


wow dude thats crazy. so you can really relate to me then. How long did the anxiety last? So no more DP? I cant wait. How did the DP lift, was it gradual or one day it was gone? Are you sober now? Weed? LSD? shrooms? alcohol? if so, would you ever use again?

I guess Im lucky to say Im 10 months in and finally start to feel happy again. I can work, but my head is still a mess. Id love to hear more when you have the time.
 
pmz said:
wow dude thats crazy. so you can really relate to me then. How long did the anxiety last? So no more DP? I cant wait. How did the DP lift, was it gradual or one day it was gone? Are you sober now? Weed? LSD? shrooms? alcohol? if so, would you ever use again?

I guess Im lucky to say Im 10 months in and finally start to feel happy again. I can work, but my head is still a mess. Id love to hear more when you have the time.
Click to expand...

I also went through a rough 3 month comedown from MDMA abuse, you will have your up days and your down days, but eventually the up days outnumber the down days. Weed only made it all worse to be honest, for me at the time anyway. I smoke weed daily now and love it, 12 months ago I remember smoking weed and comming inside the house with some horrible DR.

If you are at the stage where your 10 months post comedown and can work then you have come a long way :) Working will keep your mind off the typical cycle of depression/anxiety/DR which will accelerate your recovery. Often it's the rut at being home or stuck in the thought process of "I'm fucked" and worrying about it day in day out. Get your mind off it and take up some exercise too. Exercise and music go hand in hand, for me especially with weight lifting. No better feeling than crushing the weight with some music blasting in your earphones.
 
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