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November Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread, v Holiday Gatherings & Dazed Blatherings

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cyberius said:
You said it. Which drug are you coming off of?

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I'm not coming off any substances. I've been off prescription painkillers for a long time (several years).
I'm just terribly depressed now.
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Mafioso said:
going to be the first thanksgiving I'll be sober at in 10 years. I quit going to family functions like thanksgiving dinner a few years ago and resided to getting as fucked up as possible with anyone who was also avoiding family. I'm a little nervous about it, all my family knows and even though they have been kind if not supportive as well, I still feel guilty and fear judgement. Trying to think positively about it though, hoping it will be good to be part of the family again.
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with you there this is my first thanksgiving with family in a long time. not sure how its gonna go, none of them knew i was using until i came out and said id been using for years and i was ready to quit.
 
the shadow people always kept me company. and the ghost deer when i was driving
 
Runningfox said:
cyberius said:
You said it. Which drug are you coming off of?

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I'm not coming off any substances. I've been off prescription painkillers for a long time (several years).
I'm just terribly depressed now.
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Edit: I lied there. Unintentionally. Actually I am dropping mgs fast of a gabaergic medication I been on for 3 years. Gabapentin. The shit turned on me. Side effects outweigh any long gone benefit n i gotta get off this crap.

So I do realize I'm suffering withdrawals every time I taper down ... until a couple- few days pass n the brain seems to stabilize on the lower dosage. Fuuuuuuuuck this stuff.

Sometimes I think doctors scribble out a script just to shut ppl up. Then of course tolerance builds over months / years n you go up up up on dosage. That's when things got ugly, here after going from 1200 to 2400 mg/ day. Later raising to 3200 (Dr prescribed ) and beyond (self inflicted as tolerance grew AGAIN ).

I'm VERY quickly tapering. In 2 months I'm down to 1/4 what I was using.
Oh God the withdrawals are Hell. Seem to be gettin worse with each taper--- I'm stealin stuff from my brain n body that they've grown accustomed to over a 3 year jolt. It's angry, the brain. It takes time to adjust.

I'm worried of course about how ugly the PAWS may get ..... cross that bridge when I crawl towards it I guess.

For how I have a decent couple weeks stabilized then I drop some mgs and exist in a living Hell for a bit. What else can I DO? I need out and away from---- I refuse to treat myself w other substances (*though I DO use imodium as needed ; been doing so for years on bad IBS ).

SO I just thought I would amend my response. I didnt mean to lie --- a hazard of the game here; half the time I just can't fucking THINK.
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i love animals. have always slowed down for them when driving. but when i was tweaking i always saw deer instead of people. no clue why maybe my mind is more comfortable with animals than people. i did hit a deer at 90mph one night though, i swore up and down it was just a shadow right until i hit it. had alot of weird experiences with shadow animal. my ex had been talking about wanting a horse one night while we were tweaking, well on my way home there was this horse running down the little country road i was on, road was a straight shot for about 10 miles. it took me at least half of that to realize it was in my head, why the hell would a horse be running in a straight line down the road in front of me.
 
All I ever hit was a snake n a few dif birds. Thank God nothing cute n cuddly. I would never forgive myself. (I did not feel good bout these other accidents; I just kinda consider those both less-emotional critters. They still had life, which I obliterated .... so I do feel badly ).
 
Hey fellow SL'ers! :D Hope all is well. Just thought I'd drop by 'cuz I've been sort of a stranger lately.

I think that I've been suffering from a bit of PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome) lately. For the past month or so I've been 99% clean and sober except for the occasional beer or 10mg Percocet.

Don't get me wrong... I thank God that I'm not waking up hung over or dopesick anymore, but I just feel so darn "blah" that I can't seem to pull myself out of it. For example, my friend gave me a nice guitar recently and I've just been staring at it for days because I don't even have the motivation to replace the strings! I'm usually not this lethargic and it sucks. I'm hoping it's just a phase that will soon pass.

Even so, I still really haven't had the desire to get high on anything and even turned down a couple of offers that I would've jumped at just a few months ago. Baby steps, I guess...
 
dreamflyer said:
Hey fellow SL'ers! :D Hope all is well. Just thought I'd drop by 'cuz I've been sort of a stranger lately.

I think that I've been suffering from a bit of PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome) lately. For the past month or so I've been 99% clean and sober except for the occasional beer or 10mg Percocet.

Don't get me wrong... I thank God that I'm not waking up hung over or dopesick anymore, but I just feel so darn "blah" that I can't seem to pull myself out of it. For example, my friend gave me a nice guitar recently and I've just been staring at it for days because I don't even have the motivation to replace the strings! I'm usually not this lethargic and it sucks. I'm hoping it's just a phase that will soon pass.

Even so, I still really haven't had the desire to get high on anything and even turned down a couple of offers that I would've jumped at just a few months ago. Baby steps, I guess...
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DF--
THIS sounds exactly like I've been for about 3 months now. So damn blah . No motivation . No energy. No creativity. No interest. (Gross alert--) sometimes I don't even shower til day 3-4 when I notice my hair smells bad.

WTF? I'm not in any acute withdrawal (I am lowering my gabapentin use due to feeling like it's been dumbing me down. Plus Its lost its effect on the neuropathy so pooh )

I can't say my doldrums are PAWS either--- it's been years since I went thru withdrawal from painkillers. Years. And I was feelin great this summer ....

I keep thinkin it's seasonal depression. Seasonal affective disorder .... that and fall / winter equal holidays which equal some degree of emotional pain (my parents are both deceased now. And one sibling has basically Quit the family; we were close all my life )....
What is gonna snap me outta this rut ?

Sorry. I didn't intend to make your woes About Me ; i just saw a load similarities in how you've been feelin. Me too. I stare across the room at a project I either haven't begun or that hit an absolute road block when my mood went south n i feel Guilty for not getting busy on things. Still, I just CAN'T. (I have tried n panic attacks ensue so.... Fuck THAT ).

I hope you have a big turn -around soon. I defiantly don't know what to suggest. Mood / mental health often cannot be Forced to change. Maybe a little if you're able to change your entire environment. (Hey next week I'm outta town, house sitting for one of my kids while she's away w her husband. ... maybe that will jolt the mood into something positive : Just getting out of my own sluggish slump of a recliner.)

Wishing you luck --
Wishing all my American friends a great thanksgiving holiday. Safe n sober times. Happy times.
 
Holy Shit!!! its been 1 whole year today for me clean from oxy!!! Sim congrats on your year anniv also!!
 
Congrays tld!! Thats a huge deal, keep it up!!
 
Definitely congratulations in order. Hoping I make it that long
 
the last dose said:
Holy Shit!!! its been 1 whole year today for me clean from oxy!!! Sim congrats on your year anniv also!!
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That’s great! Congratulations! Hope you are doing well. Sim too :)
Being sober can be quite challenging sometimes.
 
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