Not really sure whats wrong with me.

[~kira~]

Well hey there. I don't really ever like posting this crap online but I feel like I have no other options so here goes...

Lately, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I feel depressed, yet I don't know why. It's like I can feel something but I can't. This is probably going to go all over the place in this initial thread so please bear with me. My mind has been in its own world away from the physical world and anyone around me.

I had so much to write and knew what I wanted to say, kinda. But now it's all blank. I guess, I feel... lonely. All of my life I have been this nice caring sweet guy and try to make everyone happy but it just never happens. I feel like people take advantage of me if they can, and I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. It's weird, I have friends, but I only have a very small amount of things in common with them. Lately I have no idea how to talk to them and keep a conversation going. With anyone really. Because of this, I feel like I'm alone. I can't relate to hardly anything it seems like. I'm alone, because I don't have someone to talk to, someone to tell all of my fears to, my dreams, goals and stupid funny things I think of to. I don't have someone to come home to after a long day of work. I come home, and have a house with my awesome room mates asleep, and nothing else. I wish I had a girlfriend. I've missed out way to much I feel like. People get into my business way to much and ruin any possible relationships that I want.


I wish I could fit in with people.
People often are judgmental when they first see someone, people often think I am a junkie, or just an odd awkward kid, and they usually just avoid me, or laugh at times. I feel like I don't get a chance to actually show people what I truly am inside. It's all about the outside appearance, and that is something I lack in I guess..

I have a best friend, I can talk to, but we hardly ever get to talk anymore.

A long time ago I had a best friend who stayed up with me every night until 6am and we would sleep for a few hours, and then meet up and do it all over again. 10 years of my life I spent with this girl, upwards of 10 hours a day everyday and we NEVER got tired of talking and always found things to talk about. She had my back, and I had hers. We saved each others lives, literally 3 times each. One day, she just threw me to the curb and life has been odd since. Like, I I'm usually pretty happy, but this last year has been tough emotionally. She came back into my life one night after saying "I would like to chat later" I stupidly quickly responded and met up. It was like old times. 3 years of not talking, and we left off where we stopped. And then the next day...blocked on everything. I have no idea why, but people toy with me all the time it feels like. I still try and care about people, but it's so damn hard to. It's been so hard to just forget her. I mean 10 years and so many memories is hard to forget.

There's so much more. Why does a nice guy like me, always get the short end of the stick? God dang I hate feeling like this, and worst yet I don't know how to even describe it :l Grrr. Sorry for possibly wasting someones time reading this. I just needed to write whatever came to mind. Like I said, it's all over the place I know. Sorry, just had to get some stuff out and typed.

 

[starting_over]

How old are you? You seem fairly young L

Are you willing to move cities? Sounds like you could use a change of scenery. When I was 24 I moved to a ski resort party town and had the time of my life. Almost everyone was in their 20s and out socializing (I think having Aussies there helped, they're always down to do stuff). Great snowboarding in the winter, beautiful lakes and slow-pitch baseball in the summer. It's such an easy place to make new friends, I think it would be almost impossible not to... I only wish I had moved there when I was 20, instead of wasting time back in my home city... literally working a dead end job.

Failing that you can try meetup.com, there are tons of different free interest groups if you are in a big enough city. I'm a huge dance music fan and the local events are great ways to meet people.

I'm not good with female relationships so I'm hardly one to talk, but she has moved on and so should you. "Memories are nice, but that's all they are."

What I'm trying to say is you gotta get yourself out there, not necessarily just trying to find a girlfriend, but at least have fun interacting with people more. Your writing style and self reflection reminds me of myself, some days I'm down in the dumps too but that seems to happen less often as time passes... I hope this thread gets the ball rolling for you.

 

[herbavore]

The girl that was your "friend" sounds like she has major problems--don't assume that it was anything you did or said.

When loneliness is an issue it is far more important to look at yourself than to place the responsibility on others. Reality number one: you are right. No one gets you because no one really gets anyone. We all wish someone would like/love us for who we are deep inside. Then we live lives where we hide that person and blame others for not seeing him or her. Doesn't make sense but it seems to be in our cultural DNA to do this. Reality number two (this tempers but does not invalidate reality number one): we create human bonds by our own actions, the most important being that we give of ourselves expecting nothing in return.

Become a good listener. Everyone is living in an epidemic of loneliness--at least in the modern cultures. It's like we need the small village and the extended family and the tribe somewhere deep in our psyches and yet we live isolated from even our neighbors and coworkers, often even from the members of our own families despite living with them. What to do? First, stop thinking it is just you. These thoughts lead inevitably to self doubt, self-blame and self-hatred. No one is to blame--neither you nor the people that are disappointing you. You are not getting the short end of the stick, you are experiencing the ugly underside of a culture that values image and the trappings of "success" over human needs for acceptance and intimacy within their kind.

Work on befriending yourself. Pretend you are outside, looking in--let your deepest self express without judgment--as if you are a healer getting to know a patient. Speak to yourself and about yourself with encouraging language; avoid fatalism and shame. Understand that everyone has their own struggles, their own problems and that sometimes these will affect you harmfully--but only to the extent that you allow them to.

 

[~kira~]

How old are you? You seem fairly young L

Are you willing to move cities? Sounds like you could use a change of scenery. When I was 24 I moved to a ski resort party town and had the time of my life. Almost everyone was in their 20s and out socializing (I think having Aussies there helped, they're always down to do stuff). Great snowboarding in the winter, beautiful lakes and slow-pitch baseball in the summer. It's such an easy place to make new friends, I think it would be almost impossible not to... I only wish I had moved there when I was 20, instead of wasting time back in my home city... literally working a dead end job.

Failing that you can try meetup.com, there are tons of different free interest groups if you are in a big enough city. I'm a huge dance music fan and the local events are great ways to meet people.

I'm not good with female relationships so I'm hardly one to talk, but she has moved on and so should you. "Memories are nice, but that's all they are."

What I'm trying to say is you gotta get yourself out there, not necessarily just trying to find a girlfriend, but at least have fun interacting with people more. Your writing style and self reflection reminds me of myself, some days I'm down in the dumps too but that seems to happen less often as time passes... I hope this thread gets the ball rolling for you.

Well, first, I'm not sure if that "L" was a typo, if it wasn't, then you...are considered a friend of mine Anyway, sorry to everyone that I just vanished! Its been a long week and kind of busy/hectic. Anyways, I am 25 years old. I guess I'm still considered young. Moving isn't an option at the moment. I signed a lease for my first house with 2 friends earlier this year. Sometimes I wish I could move. My mom lives about 4 hours away, and when I visit its always refreshing to be there. Nice people, in the mountains and such. I hold on to things quite a bit, like memories, friends, and certain routines that I have. All of that makes it hard for me to not want to move. I am the worst person to start a conversation or make small talk. I know I need to work on this a TON. That ski resort place sounds pretty cool though, I have to say.

I've never heard of that site, but I will check it out for sure. Thanks!
Update, this past week I have went out and hung out with a few different friends, and a work friend invited me to his party over the weekend. Most of the time was spent hanging out with his 2 kids. They love hanging out with me. They told me they consider me a brother to them. It was a great night however and we all had fun. I've been trying to get out more and do things.

Now for a little non serious/kinda serious stuff... I started hanging out...or atleast tried to hangout on the local hot spot called "Eisenhower Drive" where all the "kids" hangout with there souped up cars, and some with the not so souped up cars. L would not condone giving out his location like that on a forum like this. but this is merely a hangout hot spot. Had to make some effort to reference L. No one on this forum has understood this yet, or my avatar/name. lol Anyway, thank you for your reply. Thank you for taking the time to read my OP. Will post updates

The girl that was your "friend" sounds like she has major problems--don't assume that it was anything you did or said.

When loneliness is an issue it is far more important to look at yourself than to place the responsibility on others. Reality number one: you are right. No one gets you because no one really gets anyone. We all wish someone would like/love us for who we are deep inside. Then we live lives where we hide that person and blame others for not seeing him or her. Doesn't make sense but it seems to be in our cultural DNA to do this. Reality number two (this tempers but does not invalidate reality number one): we create human bonds by our own actions, the most important being that we give of ourselves expecting nothing in return.

Become a good listener. Everyone is living in an epidemic of loneliness--at least in the modern cultures. It's like we need the small village and the extended family and the tribe somewhere deep in our psyches and yet we live isolated from even our neighbors and coworkers, often even from the members of our own families despite living with them. What to do? First, stop thinking it is just you. These thoughts lead inevitably to self doubt, self-blame and self-hatred. No one is to blame--neither you nor the people that are disappointing you. You are not getting the short end of the stick, you are experiencing the ugly underside of a culture that values image and the trappings of "success" over human needs for acceptance and intimacy within their kind.

Work on befriending yourself. Pretend you are outside, looking in--let your deepest self express without judgment--as if you are a healer getting to know a patient. Speak to yourself and about yourself with encouraging language; avoid fatalism and shame. Understand that everyone has their own struggles, their own problems and that sometimes these will affect you harmfully--but only to the extent that you allow them to.

Wow, my friend..that was a deep post. I already have to say thank you. She does have major issues, as losing her dad affected her greatly. She always told me that I never did anything wrong. But sometimes I would doubt that. My anxiety really gets the best of me there. But ever after that horrible incident, she changed. I knew we probably wouldn't ever be the same and a few months later...boom. We were not friends.

I think what you said is amazing, and true. I always blame everything on myself, and every time I do it I can tell myself mentally "hey, you're doing it again, stop." And it sometimes works.

I am a pretty good listener, but I for the life of me can't say anything, or I don't say the right things. Both of those can lead to trouble. I just have never been a social person. Years ago, in my teenage years, I had a job at a gas station and I could literally talk to just about everyone. I was always happy towards customers and I could talk to someone for hours. Not sure what happened since. Has society just worn me down to the point where I want to be a loner almost? I'm honestly not sure.

Back to the friend thing. I went ahead last week sometime and sent her a message on the only form of communication I could reach her at. I had basically tried to end on good terms. I thanked her, for always being there for me, I thanked her for the memories we shared, and for everything in between from great to bad. She didn't reply and did view the message. I told her not to reply. I just wanted to let her know how I truly felt and wished her the best. I felt ok with this, I hope she feels the same. I don't think about her nearly as much as I used to. We just went our separate paths.

 

[Erikmen]

The girl that was your "friend" sounds like she has major problems--don't assume that it was anything you did or said.

When loneliness is an issue it is far more important to look at yourself than to place the responsibility on others. Reality number one: you are right. No one gets you because no one really gets anyone. We all wish someone would like/love us for who we are deep inside. Then we live lives where we hide that person and blame others for not seeing him or her. Doesn't make sense but it seems to be in our cultural DNA to do this. Reality number two (this tempers but does not invalidate reality number one): we create human bonds by our own actions, the most important being that we give of ourselves expecting nothing in return.

Become a good listener. Everyone is living in an epidemic of loneliness--at least in the modern cultures. It's like we need the small village and the extended family and the tribe somewhere deep in our psyches and yet we live isolated from even our neighbors and coworkers, often even from the members of our own families despite living with them. What to do? First, stop thinking it is just you. These thoughts lead inevitably to self doubt, self-blame and self-hatred. No one is to blame--neither you nor the people that are disappointing you. You are not getting the short end of the stick, you are experiencing the ugly underside of a culture that values image and the trappings of "success" over human needs for acceptance and intimacy within their kind.

Work on befriending yourself. Pretend you are outside, looking in--let your deepest self express without judgment--as if you are a healer getting to know a patient. Speak to yourself and about yourself with encouraging language; avoid fatalism and shame. Understand that everyone has their own struggles, their own problems and that sometimes these will affect you harmfully--but only to the extent that you allow them to.

This!

 

[starting_over]

Well, first, I'm not sure if that "L" was a typo, if it wasn't, then you...are considered a friend of mine Anyway, sorry to everyone that I just vanished! Its been a long week and kind of busy/hectic. Anyways, I am 25 years old. I guess I'm still considered young. Moving isn't an option at the moment. I signed a lease for my first house with 2 friends earlier this year. Sometimes I wish I could move. My mom lives about 4 hours away, and when I visit its always refreshing to be there. Nice people, in the mountains and such. I hold on to things quite a bit, like memories, friends, and certain routines that I have. All of that makes it hard for me to not want to move. I am the worst person to start a conversation or make small talk. I know I need to work on this a TON. That ski resort place sounds pretty cool though, I have to say.

I've never heard of that site, but I will check it out for sure. Thanks!
Update, this past week I have went out and hung out with a few different friends, and a work friend invited me to his party over the weekend. Most of the time was spent hanging out with his 2 kids. They love hanging out with me. They told me they consider me a brother to them. It was a great night however and we all had fun. I've been trying to get out more and do things.

Now for a little non serious/kinda serious stuff... I started hanging out...or atleast tried to hangout on the local hot spot called "Eisenhower Drive" where all the "kids" hangout with there souped up cars, and some with the not so souped up cars. L would not condone giving out his location like that on a forum like this. but this is merely a hangout hot spot. Had to make some effort to reference L. No one on this forum has understood this yet, or my avatar/name. lol Anyway, thank you for your reply. Thank you for taking the time to read my OP. Will post updates

Haha nope not a typo

25 isn't over the hill just yet, it's great that you're trying to get out there! Keep us updated

 

[ShroomySatori]

I am a really lonely guy also. You are not alone in being lonely that's for sure. Don't sell yourself short man or you'll get little in return out of life. I am 29 and just getting my shit together now, life will pass you by and regret can be a powerful feeling. Seems like you are obsessing over this one friend but why put your friendships in one basket? Just ignore her for a while, and make new friends. You'll probably cross paths in the future, just leave the ball in her park and definitely don't try to message her again now that you did.

I have hung out with another human being once this year, an old friend who stopped by for a few hours. Apart from that, I have been alone this entire year unless you count my brother. I have a lot of online friends but that's it. My girlfriend ran away last year after five years and it was pretty bad. Lots of memories with her as well, we did everything together those years. So much travelling, so much love and fun. I have had two girlfriends in my life and really struggle with that and that is something I hate about myself although I think I'm just a last bloomer with women and things will be fine once I have my career going again and my social life back.

The loneliness is literally driving me crazy at this point, so I planned a trip to a nearby city (4 hour drive) to visit so many of my old friends from university. It is going to be really fun! I am going to a concert just by myself but for a hardcore band that I love too, I have plans with a cutie friend-girl who I haven't seen in ages one day while I'm there and I really get along with her, and I am going to party it up with my buddies too.I don't have any sort of sex life anymore and I want that to change too. Maybe that will begin to get back to normal with my new trip I have planned who knows, I have a lot of cutie friends who are living there now. As soon as I made plans to see my friends (they all love me, I've just been misanthropic these past few years) I started feeling better and also, as soon as I planned a vacation earlier this year I felt a lot better too even though I went on the vacation solo.

So, I am trying to get out and I am trying really hard to get my career going again because that will help me meet people too. I can also try and meet people through common interests (like going to a yoga class instead of doing yoga at home). There are so many things you can do to meet people that you don't need a prerequisite or much money for. Also, I am planning on moving for work to this new city where I already have a social life practically set up for me so things are going to drastically improve for me in the near future. I hate it where I am because all my friends have moved away and it's like a ghost town to me now. Just remind yourself that this is temporary, and how great things can and will be in the future. It sounds like you need to work on confidence building a little bit... so do I. I've been working on that all year. I talk to people when I'm out and about a lot more now and I am much less shy than I was a little while ago. I wish I was still 25 haha... well other than the heroin sniffing I am a super healthy yoga guy and with all the healthy vegetarian cooking I look younger than I am (not saying I'm old lol, but I do just pretend to myself that I am a couple years younger and it helps... I just take my age and subtract 2 or 3 depending on my mood).

I didn't really know what to do other than try and relate, so I wish you the best man. Be careful about wishing you have a girlfriend. I wish I had a girlfriend as well, more than anything really, I wish I had a cutie girlfriend who I was in love with because that is really what I want so much, but I'm saying be careful because you want the cutie girlfriend who is right for you. Relationships can really suck if you jump into one but you'll know she's right for you when she comes along.

 

[Asclepius]

So, I am trying to get out and I am trying really hard to get my career going again because that will help me meet people too.

Shroomy, sounds like you have a good plan, with your head screwed-on, mate. Keep it going. Love your style