Not being able to enjoy psychedelic drugs?

[princessofslaanesh]

I have no problem with enjoying MDMA or marijuana.... yet when it comes to psychedelics, I can't enjoy them even though I have the desire to try them and do them. I decided to try DXM tonight, and I put myself on a low dosage for my weight (75kg), so that I could have a chill trip, not too intense. I was enjoying the music, but now I'm just in a loop of thinking about things I don't want to think about to ruin my trip. It's like I need to keep control of the trip... I was told at this point of my peak I shouldn't even be able to read text that easily, yet here I am writing pretty easily... I feel drunk and itchy but that's about it. I guess not easily, I am rambling.... but I just wish I could enjoy psychedelics like others do. I tried acid a few months ago and it was the worst experience of my life. I was terrified the whole trip and could not wait until it was over. Is this something to do with me... am I too mentally weak to handle psychedelics? I was diagnosed bipolar disorder (two) a few years back.... Have not been on meds in a while because I haven't needed them for a minute... This past year though has been tough I guess, and perhaps I am not taking these drugs in the right mindset, even though I do all the research I can possibly do to use responsibly... It is like the slightest thing can ruin my trip.... Like I am just not able to let go and allow the drug to take me over for the duration of the trip... back of my head there is this nagging about allt he things I want to ignore.

dosage was 300mg
Any insight? Perhaps I should stay away from psychedelics altogether because I can't seem to handle them even though I want to do them.

 

[Solipsis]

Hi welcome to Bluelight / PD

I think you are on the right track with the 'not being able to let go' having something to do with it. Having nagging thoughts is human, but some people suffer much more from it than others... it can even be neurosis. You could benefit from learning to overcome such thoughts, mindfulness is great for that (you could look into the book Sane New World by Ruby Wax, it's instructive and funny and a nice read). It is important that you work on it sober and on lower doses of psychedelics first, because with serious trips there is more at stake and you need to have a mind that is able to run without too much effort in stationary modes for that.

But, be careful with bipolar disorder and psychedelics... tripping may promote changes in your mood, and exploring psychedelics is not worth sacrificing your mental stability for.

I don't believe you are mentally weak but you are apparently suffering from these things nonetheless. See if you can work on it first, and learn to be at peace with your mind. Ignoring yourself or running away from your thoughs or feelings is not what is meant, or what is the point of mindfulness! Please learn about that before you proceed, first things first. And take your diagnosis into account, it is not trivial. When you are having a hard time without meds, reconsider them and stay away from drugs. I am in a similar situation right now.
Do primarily what is good for you, not what is pleasant for you.

 

[pyro2525]

Solipsis is totally right about what you need to work on to be comfortable for the extremes that psychedelics can put your mind through. In my experience, when mental illness can be a factor, substances like acid can be double edged swords in that they can leave you in a positive state for weeks after, or they can leave you in a very negative mood for awhile.

I'm not perfectly sure, but I infer that you are doing psychedelics alone. If your thoughts tend to run wild while alone you should definitely be in friendly company, doing things you know you will enjoy. It took me years to go from never considering tripping alone to not having a single problem with tripping alone [acid/shrooms].

And finally, "go with the flow".

 

[princessofslaanesh]

Thanks for your responses guys. Yes, I have been doing them alone, so maybe I should save them for when I meet someone who is willing to do them with me and guide me through the process instead of taking them on by myself. I've yet to try shrooms, but if they are anything in comparison to acid, I will definitely need a tripsitter this time around. Really appreciate the reassurances, and will check out the book, Soli... Thanks.

 

[TheCuriousOne]

I just had the same thing happen to me not too long ago (2 weeks).
I had a traumatic bad LSD trip on a heavy dosage. I suffered from depression and lethargy for about a week after, but now things have cleared up and I feel normal again.

The thing I want to say is, make sure you are in a VERY POSITIVE mindset before you take the drug. Take it when you're already very happy/euphoric to reach the haeven state.

May I ask, how big the dosage was from your first bad trip on acid?
Try taking a low dose first before taking higher doses. Maybe try 100-120ug first, then 150, then 200 etc. ...

If you really feel that you have severe mood swings during your trips or feel very neurotic, make sure to have a sober person accompany you during your trip all the time, that can watch you if things go wrong.