No THC - going insane, what to do???

[Antiprosynthesis]

I really need my daily doses of weed and/or hash, without I'm just not functioning correctly: stimuli seem to be more intensified in both how they enter my senses as well as how they enter my mind - there seems to be an information overload which I fear won't take long to create a short circuit in my brain and there is no way of telling what would happen next...

Until yesterday everything was great, I was on Kratom, levo dextro amphetamines sulfaat and hash, and normally I would get supplied tomorrow and then i could easily have coped with a day without weed/hash as I could have been sure it was just for today, but I cant seem to be able to contact my dealer since yesterday and the not knowing drives me insane....

All this tension I experience is intensified af because of the fact that I'm on a stim comedown, making the problems hard to handle...

Are there more ppl out here who can freak this way about a joint or any other drug that is not physically addictive? And what can I do to cope with this?

I can only buy very.strong weed from the coffeeshop for the time being, and that is not really an option since my mind has such difficulties being that stoned after just a few tokes I would probably smoke from it once before I ended up throwing it away - also none of my friends like to smoke such strong weed/hash...

What to do???

 

[Antiprosynthesis]

As I closed Bluelicht after my previous post, I suddenly noticed that - since somewhere last night (it's now quite late in the afternoon) - after so long, there was about half a joint just waiting to getting smoked by me at the exact same moment I feel like I am going to have a full mental breakdown about exactly this; I find this highly unlikely and to me is a manifestation of what I experience as my irrational reality, which are the most intense experiences of my life...

This is the reality I descend into on moments that I'm just like now on a stim and all drugs comedown and even more so if I'm stressed, like not being able to contact my dealer long time; I descend into an infinite darkness - blacker than black - in which there is only one presence, an absolute overpowering powerful constant and non stop Total state of full panic to develop a full blown psychosis...

But this is only the beginning, cause there exists no time here and this is now so real as I feel like this is such a bad and profoundly evil state of mind with so many negative consequences for my ability to function in the normal world that I just know this Will sooner than later lead to outbursts of psychotic rage (this happened already before) in which I don't realize what I am capable of doing and these things are so extreme and anbnormal that they carry long time very serious consequenses that for a long while will domimate every aspect of my life, and the realization of this brings me in my current state of totally tormented dispair...

 

[Jibult]

Well... With the information provided, it seems like you've got two options:

1. Temporary abstinence

B. Buy the good weed and smoke less than you typically would

As far as coping with abstinence, you need to keep yourself busy and keep your mind occupied. For me, that would involve early AM exercise, mid-day hobbies (video game, book, binge-watching, gardening, playing with my dogs, literally anything) and then early PM exercise. You need to tire both your mind and body to the point where it's loathsome to even think about rekindling your habit. It really helps to have a job that exhausts you mentally and physically by the end of every workday, as well.

It's easier said than done but, honestly, it's really not that difficult to do if you have even the slightest bit of motivation. Failure tends to occur when a person is forced to abstain instead of choosing to, so it really boils down to your mindset. Don't look at this like you can't smoke because you don't have a plug for the type of product you'd prefer, but instead view it as an opportunity to save some money, lower your tolerance, and broaden your horizons enough to maybe find a pastime that you enjoy other than getting high.

Best of luck!

[EDIT: I typed this out before seeing your second post. Upon reading the second post, I recommend abstinence. You may be able to benefit from counseling as well. I'm hesitant to make any judgement based on the differences between only two posts, but the tone and word-choice of your second post sounds like you're not in a very good place right now. I don't recommend this often but it may be wise to get some kind of therapeutic help from a more-qualified source than a harm reduction website.

We're here for you! Don't ever doubt that! It's just that, Bluelight as a collective probably isn't the best place to seek the kind of help that would benefit you most.

I'm not trying to be dismissive and I'm still here if you want to talk anything out, I just need you to know that we might not have the best answers/solutions to your current plight.]

 

[Mjäll]

Wow Jibult that was a good post.

I agree that THC seems to be available from the strong weed. But maybe this hesitation about THC from another source is a sign of some part of you trying to let go of chronic smoking.

 

[Antiprosynthesis]

Well... With the information provided, it seems like you've got two options:

1. Temporary abstinence

B. Buy the good weed and smoke less than you typically would

As far as coping with abstinence, you need to keep yourself busy and keep your mind occupied. For me, that would involve early AM exercise, mid-day hobbies (video game, book, binge-watching, gardening, playing with my dogs, literally anything) and then early PM exercise. You need to tire both your mind and body to the point where it's loathsome to even think about rekindling your habit. It really helps to have a job that exhausts you mentally and physically by the end of every workday, as well.

It's easier said than done but, honestly, it's really not that difficult to do if you have even the slightest bit of motivation. Failure tends to occur when a person is forced to abstain instead of choosing to, so it really boils down to your mindset. Don't look at this like you can't smoke because you don't have a plug for the type of product you'd prefer, but instead view it as an opportunity to save some money, lower your tolerance, and broaden your horizons enough to maybe find a pastime that you enjoy other than getting high.

Best of luck!

Thank you a lot for reading my post and your reply, its much appreciated, but I didn't sleep since monday and this has a serious impact on me since I already experience such problems to the extreme that make it hardly possible to engage in such things as I AM dominated by fears like simply going outside and which limit me to such an extent that the only possible Activity I can think of is typing on my phone and I feel a huge compulsions to do so and seem not able to break this cycle as I have severe obsessive compulsive disorderAnd these are things to which I feel recistance is useless...

And this is only getting worse, and physically I feel like I even cant get up to go to the bathroom anymore, I already have to go with great intensity for many hrs but I feel like I'm going to collapse on the floor and I fear not being able to get up there anymore - I didn't eat since monday I tried several times to Cook some chipolatas but each time had to throw them away cause they were fully burned, my mind constantly drifts in And out consiousness so I forget I AM cooking, and I experience such problems with everything also typing these texts is a huge investment make and they cost me a great deal of time and effort...

 

[Jibult]

Thank you a lot for reading my post and your reply, its much appreciated, but I didn't sleep since monday and this has a serious impact on me since I already experience such problems to the extreme that make it hardly possible to engage in such things as I AM dominated by fears like simply going outside and which limit me to such an extent that the only possible Activity I can think of is typing on my phone and I feel a huge compulsions to do so and seem not able to break this cycle as I have severe obsessive compulsive disorderAnd these are things to which I feel recistance is useless...

You don't have to go outside to exercise! Hell, you don't even have to have a set time. Feel your mind start to wander? Hit the ground and try to knock out 30 push ups. Restless hands/feet? Stand up and do 30 squats. Lying down bored while looking at your phone? Put the phone down for a second and crank out 30 sit-ups. Little bursts like this all throughout the day will work just fine, unless you're a professional athlete that needs to train for a triathalon to feel like they've done anything with their day (funny side-note: management at work tells us all the time that we're "industrial athletes," lmao.)

What you want to do is train your mind to look for other outlets when you start to feel a craving to get high. Initially it's a drag because you have to literally will yourself to choose the less desirable of two options, like a diabetic that wants to reach for a twinkie but knows that they have to quell that urge and grab a couple sticks of celery instead. Eventually that thought process is eliminated and you find yourself automatically grabbing some celery even though your body's telling you it wants a Twinkie.

It's all about re-training yourself to accept one habit/hobby/action as a substitute for another. I'm not the most learned when it comes to the history of psychology but I can't help but think about classical conditioning and the Pavlov experiments as I'm typing this out.

Pavlov's Dogs Study Explained: Modern Therapy

Classical conditioning - learning to associate an unconditioned stimulus (food) that already brings about a particular response (salivating) with a new conditioned stimulus (metronome), so that the new stimulus brings about the same response.

moderntherapy.online

 

[Antiprosynthesis]

You don't have to go outside to exercise! Hell, you don't even have to have a set time. Feel your mind start to wander? Hit the ground and try to knock out 30 push ups. Restless hands/feet? Stand up and do 30 squats. Lying down bored while looking at your phone? Put the phone down for a second and crank out 30 sit-ups. Little bursts like this all throughout the day will work just fine, unless you're a professional athlete that needs to train for a triathalon to feel like they've done anything with their day (funny side-note: management at work tells us all the time that we're "industrial athletes," lmao.)

What you want to do is train your mind to look for other outlets when you start to feel a craving to get high. Initially it's a drag because you have to literally will yourself to choose the less desirable of two options, like a diabetic that wants to reach for a twinkie but knows that they have to quell that urge and grab a couple sticks of celery instead. Eventually that thought process is eliminated and you find yourself automatically grabbing some celery even though your body's telling you it wants a Twinkie.

It's all about re-training yourself to accept one habit/hobby/action as a substitute for another. I'm not the most learned when it comes to the history of psychology but I can't help but think about classical conditioning and the Pavlov experiments as I'm typing this out.

Pavlov's Dogs Study Explained: Modern Therapy

Classical conditioning - learning to associate an unconditioned stimulus (food) that already brings about a particular response (salivating) with a new conditioned stimulus (metronome), so that the new stimulus brings about the same response.

moderntherapy.online

Thank you a lot for your post I really enjoyed a certain degree of absurdirty that was the humerous packaging of well meant and Solid advice that feels as if IT was clearly designed to movitate...

However much I appreciate fully what you wrote and with which intensions, I feel like I need to say that I fear a bit the seriousness of the situation is a bit getting lost to everyone so I will try to be more explicit: in the past there were severaral moments where I created a context in which I felt like I was going to develop a serious psychosis and if I felt this IT eventually happened, these States of mind had such extreme aspects that they are so dangerous to Both me as others that this already very well could have ended fatally, best case scenario I end up tied up in the isolaton room in the luny bin and I consider that a very brutal experience...

And atm I AM in such a context feeling a psychosis slowly starting to manifest itself like dark clouds gathering in my mind and I dont have any doubt rn how this Will create a long lasting time of psychiatric recovery which is no joke, I can say that much...

OR IT could also be my mind is Just playing very dirty tricks with me and this is Just stimulant paranoia, but its too real for me to not suffer from IT...

 

[sshortguy]

Thank you a lot for your post I really enjoyed a certain degree of absurdirty that was the humerous packaging of well meant and Solid advice that feels as if IT was clearly designed to movitate...

However much I appreciate fully what you wrote and with which intensions, I feel like I need to say that I fear a bit the seriousness of the situation is a bit getting lost to everyone so I will try to be more explicit: in the past there were severaral moments where I created a context in which I felt like I was going to develop a serious psychosis and if I felt this IT eventually happened, these States of mind had such extreme aspects that they are so dangerous to Both me as others that this already very well could have ended fatally, best case scenario I end up tied up in the isolaton room in the luny bin and I consider that a very brutal experience...

And atm I AM in such a context feeling a psychosis slowly starting to manifest itself like dark clouds gathering in my mind and I dont have any doubt rn how this Will create a long lasting time of psychiatric recovery which is no joke, I can say that much...

can't you grow your own?

 

[Antiprosynthesis]

can't you grow your own?

I used to, but I stopped doing so at one point, and I cant grow any rn...

 

[Antiprosynthesis]

I can quit the most obsessive freaking out as i Just heard from my dealer, she is having Trouble resupplying atm, but i AM already infinitely happy that i didn't lose that source, now all i can do is suck IT up and try to face reality until she one of these days hopefully Will supply me...

 

[Jibult]

Thank you a lot for your post I really enjoyed a certain degree of absurdirty that was the humerous packaging of well meant and Solid advice that feels as if IT was clearly designed to movitate...

However much I appreciate fully what you wrote and with which intensions, I feel like I need to say that I fear a bit the seriousness of the situation is a bit getting lost to everyone so I will try to be more explicit: in the past there were severaral moments where I created a context in which I felt like I was going to develop a serious psychosis and if I felt this IT eventually happened, these States of mind had such extreme aspects that they are so dangerous to Both me as others that this already very well could have ended fatally, best case scenario I end up tied up in the isolaton room in the luny bin and I consider that a very brutal experience...

And atm I AM in such a context feeling a psychosis slowly starting to manifest itself like dark clouds gathering in my mind and I dont have any doubt rn how this Will create a long lasting time of psychiatric recovery which is no joke, I can say that much...

OR IT could also be my mind is Just playing very dirty tricks with me and this is Just stimulant paranoia, but its too real for me to not suffer from IT...

It's... it's absurd to fit in a few push-ups when you're laid up around the house lamenting your existence in the first place? Antipro, buddy, I don't think I'm here to motivate you. I think I'm here to help you realize that you need help. It's foolish to think that a lack of low-to-mid-quality cannabis is inducing psychosis or any other mental illness. The fact is that you likely already suffer from whatever it is you're experiencing and have been self-medicating all along.

What's happening to you as you describe is not normal. Your thoughts are not normal. You literally describe the feeling of a rational mind losing it's grip on rationality.

I recommend abstaining and seeking clinical help even more whole-heartedly now.

 

[Mjäll]

It's... it's absurd to fit in a few push-ups when you're laid up around the house lamenting your existence in the first place? Antipro, buddy, I don't think I'm here to motivate you. I think I'm here to help you realize that you need help. It's foolish to think that a lack of low-to-mid-quality cannabis is inducing psychosis or any other mental illness. The fact is that you likely already suffer from whatever it is you're experiencing and have been self-medicating all along.

What's happening to you as you describe is not normal. Your thoughts are not normal. You literally describe the feeling of a rational mind losing it's grip on rationality.

I recommend abstaining and seeking clinical help even more whole-heartedly now.

I think he is worsening and can tell and is worried about it. It's a good start. (Sorry for mentioning you in 3rd person OP)

I agree that getting sober is a good idea when drugs seem to bring on mood problems and cognitive problems as described.

 

[Antiprosynthesis]

It's... it's absurd to fit in a few push-ups when you're laid up around the house lamenting your existence in the first place? Antipro, buddy, I don't think I'm here to motivate you. I think I'm here to help you realize that you need help. It's foolish to think that a lack of low-to-mid-quality cannabis is inducing psychosis or any other mental illness. The fact is that you likely already suffer from whatever it is you're experiencing and have been self-medicating all along.

What's happening to you as you describe is not normal. Your thoughts are not normal. You literally describe the feeling of a rational mind losing it's grip on rationality.

I recommend abstaining and seeking clinical help even more whole-heartedly now.

I really dont see Any possibility for me to quit using drugs at this point, its not Just the weed, every other week in doing a full 8 day and night speed binge and its the comedown and sleep deprivation that is creating these abnormal experiences, didn't you Read that? OR are you not familiar with stim use? I know many ppl developing severe paranoia and even speed psychosis in situations like Mine, and weed is not to be unserastimated, there are ppl here that used nothing else than weed and lost all control over mind and behavior they are rather rare but this is definitely possible that this develops psychosis...

I feel like you also know too little about me to fully understand, im Everyday life i suffer a constant state of semi psychosisy my mind has difficulties establishing what is real And what not and this gives me serious tension which weed diminishes more than Any of my anti psychotics which dont work well since every binge I dont take Any Meds And i can handle that on weed but if that falls away at this point were all my drugs are gone is in this specific situation very hard for me yes...

 

[Mjäll]

I really dont see Any possibility for me to quit using drugs at this point, its not Just the weed, every other week in doing a full 8 day and night speed binge and its the comedown and sleep deprivation that is creating these abnormal experiences, didn't you Read that? OR are you not familiar with stim use? I know many ppl developing severe paranoia and even speed psychosis in situations like Mine, and weed is not to be unserastimated, there are ppl here that used nothing else than weed and lost all control over mind and behavior they are rather rare but this is definitely possible that this develops psychosis...

I feel like you also know too little about me to fully understand, im Everyday life i suffer a constant state of semi psychosisy my mind has difficulties establishing what is real And what not and this gives me serious tension which weed diminishes more than Any of my anti psychotics which dont work well since every binge I dont take Any Meds And i can handle that on weed but if that falls away at this point were all my drugs are gone is in this specific situation very hard for me yes...

Do you know why you started speed binging and what purpose it serves?

Maybe speed is the big issue here and not cannabis. Stimulant abuse is the best at destroying humans and i'm not really sure anyone should be using them to any degree.

 

[Antiprosynthesis]

I think he is worsening and can tell and is worried about it. It's a good start. (Sorry for mentioning you in 3rd person OP)

I agree that getting sober is a good idea when drugs seem to bring on mood problems and cognitive problems as described.

I realize this sounds extreme but mind has no filter and experiences everything extreme, especially fears, they disable me, they domimate me, and i lose control over reality since these fears cam be so irrational, the paranoia IT produces, is so real that IT Inhibits me of thinking logically...

I Feel quite frustrated that this is seen as something that i overact simply cause there is going on antything more than smoking a low quality joint, this To me is so wrong so extreme that its not even a simplification anymore but totally a different story, plus the fact that my extreme use of about every classic drug intensified serious psychiatric problems that i already suffered from trauma which is the root for my use and all these things are from a severity that i cant seem able to communicatie this, i dont Just feel misunderstood i.feel like im speaking another language, all i tried to do was say things that sound extreme enough to form any.correlation with my experience of the situation but the result IT creates is the opposite of what it tries to create...

 

[Darksidesam]

@Antiprosynthesis Are you a younger or an older person? giving us a rough range of your age could help us to understand better and offer more well directed responses

your problem doesnt sound like its because you cant aquire some THC, its because you appear to have been self medicating and now sobriety and whatever issues you face drugs aside are now surfacing their ugly head
there is no doubt that THC and other cannabinoids do seem to ease certain areas they have trouble with they can also amplify others and this includes in the form of withdrawal. This panicking about not being able to score again from this source is taking control of you.
I wouldnt knock exercise you should give it a try if you do something like squats or fairly vigorous you will likely get some endorphins from that not to miss out that it also helps raise your bodies natural anandamide levels https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anandamide (cannabinoid system in your body too)

What would be best for you is to prioritise self care get some additional sleep (if you can i know some places can be noisy)

 

[jasperkent]

Suggestion for a temporary solution:

Got any old pipes or bongs that need cleaning? I've gotten through many a weed drought by smoking residue. It doesn't taste great, but it will get you high as fuck.

 

[Thomas Davie]

You can also buy a smalll scale (+/- 0.01g, weigh to 100.00 or 25.00). If you can afford weed, you can afford this. They will be and are everywhere.

Weigh every dose, whether it's for a pin joint, small bong rip, pipe hits or vaporizer. If you limit what you're consuming, you're lowering the chance of a freakout.

Also, dunno if you're in a legal someplace with access to legal cartridges; but you can go for a CBD/THC mix. All kinds of numbers and mixes out there. See if you can figure out the ratios of the two and go for a CBD heavy ratio cartridge (like ~40%CBD/~40% THC. Or less THC, But. vape with auto inhale draw puts you in total control. Wee hits or clouds,

Tom

 

[Antiprosynthesis]

@Antiprosynthesis Are you a younger or an older person? giving us a rough range of your age could help us to understand better and offer more well directed responses

your problem doesnt sound like its because you cant aquire some THC, its because you appear to have been self medicating and now sobriety and whatever issues you face drugs aside are now surfacing their ugly head
there is no doubt that THC and other cannabinoids do seem to ease certain areas they have trouble with they can also amplify others and this includes in the form of withdrawal. This panicking about not being able to score again from this source is taking control of you.
I wouldnt knock exercise you should give it a try if you do something like squats or fairly vigorous you will likely get some endorphins from that not to miss out that it also helps raise your bodies natural anandamide levels https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anandamide (cannabinoid system in your body too)

What would be best for you is to prioritise self care get some additional sleep (if you can i know some places can be noisy)

Thx for the reply and yes self medicating is my thing, there is not Just one aspect to IT like not having weed the problem is the entire situation of having no weed, no speed and no Kratom which I aleready daily need on normal moments to be able to cope With my many various psychiatric disorders while now being in a crisis regarding these psychiatric disorders die to sleep deprivation and stim comedown which extremely intensified my disorders and not having any drugs To cope with this crisis while as well not having taken my meds all week create a virtually impossible situation for me of which I feelp like I'm simply going to lose all control over the situation without really knowing what IT would mean to p control but on top of all the rest i struggle with An intense fear that losing control means ending up in full blown psychosis, i also feel like i try to explain this over and over in every time new ways that amount to the same thing as i feel I'm not making anyone understand even the overall fraimwork of how the entire situation creatis this context and all of this seems so obvious to me that i dont even understand how this is not obvious to others let alone nobody getting IT aftet numerous explanations...

I turn 38 this august...

 

[Antiprosynthesis]

You can also buy a smalll scale (+/- 0.01g, weigh to 100.00 or 25.00). If you can afford weed, you can afford this. They will be and are everywhere.

Weigh every dose, whether it's for a pin joint, small bong rip, pipe hits or vaporizer. If you limit what you're consuming, you're lowering the chance of a freakout.

Also, dunno if you're in a legal someplace with access to legal cartridges; but you can go for a CBD/THC mix. All kinds of numbers and mixes out there. See if you can figure out the ratios of the two and go for a CBD heavy ratio cartridge (like ~40%CBD/~40% THC. Or less THC, But. vape with auto inhale draw puts you in total control. Wee hits or clouds,

Tomt

Thx for the tips and tricks however i already use the smallest amounts possible with minimal redosing and i have a scale im already regularly keeping busy with.cbd but atm i wont need to resort to IT since i heard from my dealer that tomorrow she van already provide me again with.speed and hash of.which i hope i wont need the speed longer than 1 week And then make the full time switch to red kratom and hash... That's the plan...