Hi, everyone. I’m a new poster here, so sorry if this is in the wrong place or whatever.
Basically, I’d like some insight into what happened to me on the night of my last Mandy trip (mid-August). What happened to me has put me off the drug for life and kickstarted some serious anxiety I’m only now getting to grips with.
For context, I’m fairly experienced with the drug, having taken it around 20 times before this trip, all of which except two, this trip included, were great experiences.
The night started out fine. I took 100mg dose to start and was having a great time with my friends at a house party. Roughly two hours in, I dropped another 75mg and did a line an hour or so after. I was keeping well hydrated with both water and isotonic sports drinks.
At one point, however, the night started to take a turn. I was around my friends, who were smoking weed and were pinging really hard, and I was just talking the normal mdma nonsense with them. Suddenly, however, I noticed my short term memory was completely gone. I was zoning out into spaces and completely forgetting what I just said and struggled to keep up with conversations, but not in a funny sort of way. I felt dazed and then, suddenly, I was hit with a massive wave of anxiety. I became paranoid - no, convinced - that I was acting sketchy and creeping everyone out. My friend’s didn’t let on that anything was amiss, but I was convinced I was just spouting sketchy nonsense which gave me huge amounts of anxiety.
Of course, there was little to no way of me being sure of my behaviour as my memory was totally gone. I’d forget events seconds after them happening, so I had no way of confirming my behaviour. I excused myself and my friends carried on talking amongst themselves. I locked myself in a bedroom and began to panic, but then the really scary stuff started to happen to me.
I grew extremely lethargic - not the comedown kind, more exhausted - and I began to shiver violently even though the room was warm. I’d space off into the wall and forget where I even was. I’d leave the room to pee, realise I couldn’t pee, then walk back to the room, only to forget that I tried to pee a few seconds ago and walk back to the bathroom. I got caught in that loop roughly 8 times before realising I was just doing the same thing over and over. Eventually I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I felt too weak to move, shivering and panicking that I’d completely freaked my friends out. Physically, I felt terrible - it felt like I was blacking out for a few seconds, getting colder and colder. I felt my heart rate at one point and could not find my pulse, which probably didn’t help the anxious part of me.
I called my girlfriend, and she became worried about my physical health. I’d trail off in the middle of a sentence, forget where I was going, and stop talking. She’d ask me basic questions like “who is at the party?”, “what have you done?”, “where are you?” and I could not answer them. Eventually I started repeating conversations with her, but the convo ended when my phone died.
Eventually, my friend walked in and talked to me like normal, just normal Mandy stuff. I felt a bit more grounded and told him I felt ill, and then he did say I looked pale. He left and came back with some food and I felt a bit better after that, but still shaken.
The next morning I asked two of my mates if I was acting weird, and they said no, but I was so utterly convinced I was acting weird. My girlfriend - who I FaceTimed - told me I just looked “tired and out of it”, but I was convinced I was weirding her out, too. I’ve done high amounts of acid before and never had a bad trip, but this relatively small dosage of Mandy gave me the worst trip of my life. The combination of anxiety and physical weakness was horrid.
Does anyone have any insight in what happened to me? I know the mental symptoms can be explained by anxiety, but what about the physical ones? It’s put me off my favourite drug for months now and it has even effected my relationship with my friends as I was so worried I freaked them all out.
When I think back to that night it just fills me with anxiety, and because I have no way to know of my behaviour with certainty, there’s no way to alleviate it.
Cheers for any advice. Sorry it’s so long, I tried to condense it best I could.
Basically, I’d like some insight into what happened to me on the night of my last Mandy trip (mid-August). What happened to me has put me off the drug for life and kickstarted some serious anxiety I’m only now getting to grips with.
For context, I’m fairly experienced with the drug, having taken it around 20 times before this trip, all of which except two, this trip included, were great experiences.
The night started out fine. I took 100mg dose to start and was having a great time with my friends at a house party. Roughly two hours in, I dropped another 75mg and did a line an hour or so after. I was keeping well hydrated with both water and isotonic sports drinks.
At one point, however, the night started to take a turn. I was around my friends, who were smoking weed and were pinging really hard, and I was just talking the normal mdma nonsense with them. Suddenly, however, I noticed my short term memory was completely gone. I was zoning out into spaces and completely forgetting what I just said and struggled to keep up with conversations, but not in a funny sort of way. I felt dazed and then, suddenly, I was hit with a massive wave of anxiety. I became paranoid - no, convinced - that I was acting sketchy and creeping everyone out. My friend’s didn’t let on that anything was amiss, but I was convinced I was just spouting sketchy nonsense which gave me huge amounts of anxiety.
Of course, there was little to no way of me being sure of my behaviour as my memory was totally gone. I’d forget events seconds after them happening, so I had no way of confirming my behaviour. I excused myself and my friends carried on talking amongst themselves. I locked myself in a bedroom and began to panic, but then the really scary stuff started to happen to me.
I grew extremely lethargic - not the comedown kind, more exhausted - and I began to shiver violently even though the room was warm. I’d space off into the wall and forget where I even was. I’d leave the room to pee, realise I couldn’t pee, then walk back to the room, only to forget that I tried to pee a few seconds ago and walk back to the bathroom. I got caught in that loop roughly 8 times before realising I was just doing the same thing over and over. Eventually I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I felt too weak to move, shivering and panicking that I’d completely freaked my friends out. Physically, I felt terrible - it felt like I was blacking out for a few seconds, getting colder and colder. I felt my heart rate at one point and could not find my pulse, which probably didn’t help the anxious part of me.
I called my girlfriend, and she became worried about my physical health. I’d trail off in the middle of a sentence, forget where I was going, and stop talking. She’d ask me basic questions like “who is at the party?”, “what have you done?”, “where are you?” and I could not answer them. Eventually I started repeating conversations with her, but the convo ended when my phone died.
Eventually, my friend walked in and talked to me like normal, just normal Mandy stuff. I felt a bit more grounded and told him I felt ill, and then he did say I looked pale. He left and came back with some food and I felt a bit better after that, but still shaken.
The next morning I asked two of my mates if I was acting weird, and they said no, but I was so utterly convinced I was acting weird. My girlfriend - who I FaceTimed - told me I just looked “tired and out of it”, but I was convinced I was weirding her out, too. I’ve done high amounts of acid before and never had a bad trip, but this relatively small dosage of Mandy gave me the worst trip of my life. The combination of anxiety and physical weakness was horrid.
Does anyone have any insight in what happened to me? I know the mental symptoms can be explained by anxiety, but what about the physical ones? It’s put me off my favourite drug for months now and it has even effected my relationship with my friends as I was so worried I freaked them all out.
When I think back to that night it just fills me with anxiety, and because I have no way to know of my behaviour with certainty, there’s no way to alleviate it.
Cheers for any advice. Sorry it’s so long, I tried to condense it best I could.
