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New to the whole Sub/Dom lifestyle

R

Rifkala

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 7, 2009
Messages
102
And I am feeling a bit overwhelmed as to where to begin. I am 23 years old, and have always enjoyed the kinkier side of sex. One of my earliest experiences with porn was Housewives at Play! It has taken a while for me to truly open up and shed my hang-ups on the matter, and I am ready to fully explore my submissive tendencies. Recently, a friend of mine who is more dominant and I enjoyed the weekend together, and I enjoyed every facet of it. He treated me like gold the entire time - I have never had a man so doting and considerate towards my wants and needs. I did not make a single decision all weekend, he just intuitively addressed my needs. I have also never allowed someone such complete sexual control, nor have I orgasmed so many times in my life. After everything, I can't fathom wanting anyone but a considerate, good dom in my life.

I really want to explore this more, so if there are any experienced doms or subs out there who can direct me to valuable blogs, articles, social sites, events - ANYTHING that is enlightening for a novice, it would bee deeply appreciated. I keep finding my way to more intense BDSM sites, or sites that feature degradation in a slave/master context, and I am just not ready for that level of dedication. Personal anecdotes would also be helpful - how did you realize your needs? How did you begin to approach satisfying them? How do you even broach this with potential partners?

Any advice or input would be welcomed!
 
I'm not really a sub, I'm usually dominant, but have tried subbing a few times recently and I love it. Mostly just being tied up and sensation play, I'm not really into pain or degradation per se. Before I met my current fiance, I had a pretty hard time broaching the subject of BDSM with the guys I was with. Most of them were just into vanilla sex and creeped out by my fetishes. That is something you can't really change in a person unless they are inherently open to it, so it's probably better to find someone (maybe on craigslist or something) who is into BDSM already and start from there, instead of just meeting/hooking up with people and trying to introduce them to BDSM. I actually did have one relationship where my bf was into BDSM but strictly dominant, and at the time I had zero interest in subbing, he tried subbing to me a few times but didn't enjoy, and ultimately it didn't work out (both for that reason and other non-sexual ones.)

I don't know of any good porn sites, but my suggestion is that you make a profile on fetlife.com (you can add me and rangrz, we're max_planck and bottom_quark)
You can search for groups that are relevant to your interests, for example, strap on dildos, humiliation, domestic service, shibari, etc. There are groups for pretty much anything you can think of and probably a lot that you haven't, lol.
 
Thank you! I just made my account and will add you two, happily! Cannot wait to explore the site, it seems like it will be truly enlightening for me!

I did make a post on CL, actually, and yielded an alright result. Some answers were just odd, or from people unable to fathom that dominance is more than humiliating someone, but I did find two interesting individuals who are happy to (thus far) just chat with me about their approach to dominance, what it means to them, and their take on submission. definitely enlightening.
 
Hey... so like last night Akautonomics and I had a really hot scene with rope bondage, flogging, toys, sensation play etc... it was win.

As for your query... will I've always just talked openly with my partners about it. I've had a few rejections, but w/e... most of them have been really understanding and totally into it.

My.advice is definitely check out fetlife and collarme, Google for fetish events and "munches" in your local area and similarly, if you have an independent, sex positive sex shops... like ones that are more about toys than porn...go and ask there, as they are usually part of "the scene".
 
Well - I'm really into BDSM but only as a sub, and as a chick I've never found that to be a problem, quite the opposite in fact. You didn't mention which you are but I can assure you that if you're a sub & a woman it's really not a hard subject to bring up (am not saying it necessarily is if you're a dom, I just have no idea). All of my exes and the couple hook-ups I've mentioned it to in the past were really happy to hear it. The way I brought it up was by asking the guy about stuff like tying up (most people are into that and certainly no one would be shocked by it, or very few people at least), and then if he reacts well to that you can just kinda see where it goes and suggest other things. But I don't think there's any reason to be shy about it :)
 
As stated above.. You really should go join Fetlife.com They are set up better to handle any questions, Kinks or interests you have really. Its FREE its Safe and you can join groups and learn a lot there..
 
Right! Fetlife, is pretty good. However, like what are you interested in, I'm sort of experienced with this stuff and may be able to help! Haha. I'm a submissive by nature, and even though I carry a huge weight on my shoulders, and it might seem to people who know me that I'm not so submissive, i need that... to a degree. but yeah, been there, done that! most stuff.

Ah, I have a good suggestion for a movie!!

Okay a hilarious, spoofy BDSM movie, is and always will be, " Exit to Eden " (Can you imagine, I watched this , ahem, way too early in life!. OMG!)
Anyway, haha
The Story of O (Super severely BDSM, not something I'm into completely. But I'm into a slight bit of branding, only to the degree, like, *"this dude is mine!"*. a tattoo would work... but they touch on this in the movie. branding,... then she gets her clit pierced for whatever reason, and I had that done, so naturally I was interested. It's just a neat movie, very rare movie, kinda old, in french, lol, get subtitles...) It's worth watching...

You could get some funky-odd BDSM imagery from 30 seconds to mars "hurricane' music video. lol.

The movie, "The Piano" always struck me as real messed up, yet BDSMy-ish movie...

OH! how could I forget, lololol. um, "The secretary!" the movie. BDSM, for sure! (That triggered like a serious spanking phase for me!)

I'm just tossing out suggestions, i don't suggest that you be locked in a dungeon!!! (Story of O) >.<

Im way too kinky and there was NO WAY I could avoid THIS subject/thread!!!!

I apologize! :)
 
You don't really need a starter kit for BDSM. *giggles*

It's a state/frame of mind... It's a way of life...
**
It's either dominating or submitting. You don't need anything for that!!!

**This makes me want a Fetlife account again, but I simply must resist the urge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh >.<
 
I once participated in the lifestyle as a sub.. I ended up abused and manipulated for years. My ex kinda tainted my opinion on BDSM (for myself)
I ended up forgetting who I am and now I have a hard time telling myself that I'm worth anything or that I'm capable or deserving of happiness.

I learned a lot from the experience but it's also stripped me of my sanity.
 
ChipTrippyFox said:
I once participated in the lifestyle as a sub.. I ended up abused and manipulated for years. My ex kinda tainted my opinion on BDSM (for myself)
I ended up forgetting who I am and now I have a hard time telling myself that I'm worth anything or that I'm capable or deserving of happiness.

I learned a lot from the experience but it's also stripped me of my sanity.
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Yikes! I'm so sorry to hear! Yeah, the whole experience messed me up too! Just because of the person, I went through it with! I 100% ended up being abused and manipulated. That's scary. I feel scared for subs! How do you find the right Dom? (Not that I'm looking!) But I mean, some people can't/won't go to munches, it makes it so much harder to meet someone.

But you are worth it! and of course you are capable of deserving happiness! It makes me really sad to hear you say that! Just because that person was a completely BAD person!!!, doesn't mean that you deserve less or anything. Ugh the right words aren't coming out, so if I could I'd just give you a hug. :)
 
still, im so bored! and just "guh" that I really wanna join fetlife! but for what? I can't ever be with someone, so, maybe just to chat.... because i never shut up!!!!!!!!
I'm trying to avoid it. so so much! but wow, it's almost like, this one thread got me itchy to rejoin ... last time i ended up in a cage! although it made a beautiful photo shoot, i think.... *shrugs*

(lol I'm trying to talk myself down.) it's an awesome site, but im so subby, if someone snaps, i might do some seriously crazy stuff!!!!!! O_O
 
Interesting topic, which was brought up once a few years back but never eventuated to anything with the partner I was with at the time. In the end I consider having had a relatively colourful sex life so far, but (blame it on my mum's education to me) I've always, always been super conscious of talking things through and also taken care around anything which could be remotely damaging..

sex is best, but a strong relationship is better!

ChipTrippyFox said:
I ended up forgetting who I am and now I have a hard time telling myself that I'm worth anything or that I'm capable or deserving of happiness.
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Seriously not something I enjoy reading. I hope you are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, and no matter what, make the most of the little things in life, everyday, because they are worth it, you are worth it, you are beautiful..

just-breathe said:
I can't ever be with someone
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Well now, THAT needs its own thread I'd say!

just-breathe said:
last time i ended up in a cage! although it made a beautiful photo shoot, i think....
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Aahaha, just-breathe; THAT just made my day! This is hilarious!
 
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