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This. It is no longer in my hands - the hands of benzos (Lorazepam - 3mgs daily prescribed but take 8-10 daily. That is relatively low as in my past was taking up to 30 mgs. daily. I'm ashamed to say how I managed to keep that up. I honestly don't understand this talk of "GABA receptors" and I truly mean no disrespect. Ty for the chart.
I find myself comng back here constantly. I am out of control. Here's the deal - I have no script for gabbys - my dog does tho and I take his (I DO NOT ever let him go without bc I lie) and now I enjoy the effects of 3+ Tylenol w codiene + alcohol every night. I have no understanding of what has become of me. My home life is shit. I take care of my mother who has early onset alzheimer's. I feel lost and broken and I hide everything very very well. Thx to all who understand this.
knowledge is power, and understanding what is happening to you is integral to dispelling the "lost" feeling.
GABA/glutame serve as two sides of an axis in your body and brain that broadly controls "excitation" and "relaxation" on both a mental and very physical (muscle tension/spasm/relaxation) level. GABA is the relaxing side, taking agents that release it, or keep it in your brain cause relaxation - alcohol, ativan, gabapentin(although technically gabap works on sodium channels), all other benzos,
barbituats, phenibut, ghb) hit GABA receptors, or increase your own brains GABA release.
Glutamate is the converse, it causes muscle to contract instead of release. it makes people manic/shaky. when you are coming off a ton of benzos, your body is trying to compensate for the overall increase in depression and it does this by releasing MORE glutamate. --- which feels awful -- especially as the extra GABA that is relaxing you wears off.
glutamate without GABA (IE when the pills etc wear off) is nuerotoxic, and progressively damages the brain, which is why alcoholics get wet brain.
glutamate floods are part (along with acetaldehyde) are why you ping awake at 6AM after drinking heavily all wired and shaky as hell.
OK - SO - what I was trying to tell you is that years of drinking / benzo abuse completely messes up your GABA regulation -- which is BAD because it controls things like making you not seizure from the electricity in your brain, your muscle tone, anxiety etc. etc.
abusing ativan ( and i assume alcohol) for 20+ years means your GABA receptors are probably in REAL bad shape. the fact you had the experience you describe confirms it. What I was trying to tell you is that if i did what you did; drink all morning, take a short acting benzo, then LET tHAT WEAR OFF (that is the crucial factor here), took a tylenol 4 and a gabapentin -- those last two wouldn't even factor in. The glutamate surge from just the ativan and the alcohol wearing off at the same time (especially if the alcohol amount was large) would absolutely RUIN me and make me a shaking/sweating mess exactly as you desribe.
thing is (and why i posted the kindling chart) -- this kind of damage doesn't stop. it's like a fire in your brain, and i'm concerned given the symptoms you are describing that if you continue to abuse GABA drugs you will end up like some of our less fortunate friends in benzobuddies forum that now have no seizure threshhold and must take phenobarbital round the clock in order to survive. Nothing is worth the life changing fuckery that making yourself epileptic from benzo abuse would be.
I also suffer from cPTSD and tremendous, anxiety that I have had to learn to deal with via meditation and sometimes just white knuckle sticking it out, because I understood what was happening, and that the GABA agents were making the anxiety progressively worse.
This is why i was saying "i'd really recommend stopping the GABA agents. All of them" not cold turkey, i mean over time and long careful titration (slowly reducing dose).
