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NEW/FINAL at home (attempt) detox diary, general support, and advice thread.

That's what life is about, my friend. Giving a shit about yourself and others.

And please, please, PLEASE, know and understand, not just intellectually but KNOW it in your SOUL, your HEART, that it is ABSOLUTELY just as important to care about yourself as it is to care about others.

When planes go down and oxygen masks drop, what do they tell you?

Put YOUR MASK ON FIRST. Because how can you help others if you aren't breathing?

Put your mask on, baby.

Put your mask on.

And breathe.

Liberate yourself. Free yourself.

Peace.
 
Involuntarily commiting yourself wont hurt you with your PO. The word involuntary means it wasn't your decision plus she would know your not going anywhere if your in the hospital. I think your overthinking the legal stuff. It will work itself out and you will be much better off doing jail time after you have been properly detoxed. Are you trying to get off benzos in the long run? If you are then I think you should go to the hospital now get committed and let them detox you off everything then set you up with a rehab bed. I cant imagine probation having a problem with that at all. They usually just postpone your court stuff until you get out. Judges also look very favorably on people who got to rehab without being forced it shows you want to do right.
 
wOw, just wanted to tell you that you have been a huge inspiration to me. I've been reading your journey and have had similar ups and downs. I'm back to day 1 for the 50th time since November. Stay strong
 
Thanks man much love to you.
This shit is not easy - I'm sure you know this.
We can hang in there strong though if we give will power.
I have relapsed damn 1000000 times it seems like - but I am not giving up.
I am trying so hard to get clean.
 
Beautiful!!! There you go, baby!!!

Again, cannot recommend laughing enough. They say humor comes from pain, after all.... Maybe the desire to feel better, to reduce something enormous and terrifying into something manageable.

Woo hoo!!! You have SO MANY hours behind you... That's just that many less hours to go!!!

Something that has helped me deal with the slow ticking of time before is to kinda break it up into chunks. Like, "OK, I have x hours behind me.... If I can do that one more time.... Then maybe one more depending how far in...."

I kind of reset my head after one chunk of time and try to forget the past suffering, renew my strength, you know?

You got this, man!!!! Keep it up!!! The way out is through, and if you throw it away it's start all over.

You are doing great, and you will be OK. You will be OK!

Peace.
 
Your note about doing something once and then you're off to the races really resonates with me. If I find something I enjoy, I can't stop it (or at least stop thinking about it). A lot of times in my past, they were healthy things, but as time has passed, I've found unhealthy ones that I just can't seem to shake easily. It's like a piece of me is missing if I don't have it. <- Addict mentality, I know. But it's not just a thought, it's a feeling like a close loved one that you can't see anymore. It's up to us though to recognize this as mental and not taking it for what we perceive it to be. Tons of mental gymnastics to get around that.

I'm a mess today too buddy. At my house with my nose running all over the place and sneezing violently tons/hour. I thought the chills were getting better, but sure enough, as quick as I felt relief from them, here they are back tormenting me. I'm at 73 hours right now. We're both really close on our timelines. Let's do ourselves and each other a favor and stick this through, via whatever means necessary.
 
And just think - if you get through this, if you can do this, you can do ANYTHING.

Rebuild your life? Piece of CAKE after this shit, man.

THIS is the hard part. THIS is when your mind fucks with you. Once you are on the other side, and it will not be long now until you are, your mind will be much more clear. And just imagine, just IMAGINE the PRIDE you will get to have in yourself! Hell, I sure hope you have much pride in yourself right NOW, because we all know this ain't easy....but you are DOING it. Yes, you are! You are, you can, you will!

Do you know how proud your girlfriend will be of you? Seriously.

While only others who have been through this will have a true appreciation for the HELL of wd, she will still be very proud of you. She has faith in you, do you know that? She has faith in you.

So do I.

You make sure to have faith in yourself, too.

Because you are KICKING ASS right now.

Keep it up, and post away, ask for what you need, there is much love here and you will get what you need from us....just ask.

Peace.
 
Just had a thought....dunno if it will help you, but thought I would throw it out there just in case.

If you are struggling to focus on the good things to come, and find yourself focusing on how miserable you feel...

Get a piece of paper. Make two columns. On the left, write out a complaint,"This rls is driving me insane" for example. On the right, write out something to look forward to,"My girl will be so proud of me" "I will never have to be sick like this again" "I will have a clearer mind, and can rebuild my life without the constant stress of getting my next fix" etc

Whenever you feel yourself starting to focus on one of the negative things you wrote, look to the paper and find what you wrote next to it, the positive thing, on the right. Read it over and over.

Holding your hand, sweetheart. Look at the support you are getting here...what a beautiful thing. A beautiful matrix of caring souls wrapped around you, holding you together.

Peace.
 
Well, I kind of slipped up again... I did a roxy 30...I hope it didn't reset me back completely.. i still haven't done any heroin, a so called "friend" came over and said he had some comfort meds and presented me with that.. It was so stupid I know... I am so scared I just restarted my WD.. ughhhhhhhh why WHY WHY
 
I really might IVC myself... I think it will be the only way at this point..
 
I see we posted at the same time.

Don't beat yourself up. I know the agony is intense.

You probably did not completely reset yourself back to square one.

All you can do now is enjoy not feeling *as* shitty for a little while. Use this time to take care of yourself. Take a good shower, wash your hair, scrub yourself up, get all that sweat off!

Eat. Drink. Clean up your room. Remake your bed.

You already did it and it is too late to undo it.

There is no sense in beating yourself up either. Move forward.

Just move forward.

You are going to be OK.

Hugs.

Peace.
 
w0w0mg said:
I really might IVC myself... I think it will be the only way at this point..
Click to expand...

You know what is best for you and what you need to do.

If you simply CANNOT make it through without assistance, there is NO SHAME in that.

You do YOU. Do whatever it is you need to do to make it through this, and to come out clean on the other side.

We are ALL pulling for you, darling.

Please keep us updated. We all care very much.

You will make it through.

Peace.
 
I do have ONE more roxy 30 - I might just use it for a tiny taper to help with the heroin WD. Maybe if I take 15 mg before bed and then 15 mg tomorrow, I'm hoping it may ease my withdrawals and not just set me completely back. I plan on going to the hospital and tell them I am currently detoxing off opiates and benzos so they might give me some sort of comfort meds, only thing I dont have inusrance and not much money so IDK if I will even be able to fill whatever they give me. I also tried calling the local detox center but they are all full, I will try to call them tonight and once more in the morning, its first come first serve, they wont give you an appointment which is pretty lame.. I do feel A LOT better so I'm going to take advantage of the situation by trying to do stuff pro active before I go back into full blown WD. I have not given up, I shouldn't have even took the roxy30mg's but it's near impossible when you feel so bad..
 
For the record bro, I don't think you just reset yourself. I've quite often broken for a single dose during my prolonged experience working through w/d's. While I did get some mild relief from this said single dose, I always felt way too much guilt and worried excessively about how much I set myself back as a result. My anecdotal evidence supports this theory that it doesn't start the clock of w/d's all the way over by any measurable stretch.

That said, as long as it can be kept to a single dose. You should be right back in the throws of your detox within about 8-12 hours. Mean half life of oxy is 3.2 hours. So in 3 hours, you'll effectively have 15mg in your system. In 6 hours you'll be down to 7.5mg. I truly doubt that 7.5mg of oxy is really helping you much. Another 3 more hours and you're back to under a 5mg dose in your blood. You're a thin framed chap like myself so I'd imagine you have a more than healthy metabolism. I believe that you'll be back to where you were a few hours ago by night's end and you can pick it back up from there. Maybe try to get some productive things done in your brief reprieve from the agony. That way when you get back to feeling like shit, you can have a couple worries off of your proverbial plate. Just don't push yourself too hard and inadvertently convince yourself you have other priorities that take precedence over your detox. You know as well as I do that's your #1 task at hand.

I don't know if any of that helps, but that's the mentality I employ when things of such happen in my world.
 
I just saw that you posted as I was typing up my response. Definitely be careful on the slippery slope you're currently standing on. I can see the gears turning.
 
If you are confused about anything you are considering doing, ask yourself, what would you tell someone else who was saying what you are?

I know that only you can know what is right for yourself.

Know that there is no judgement here, and I will continue to watch this thread and offer support.

Do what is right for you.

You will make it.

You will be OK.

Peace.
 
Honestly, if I cannot talk you out of taking the other one, I would at least say to hold off as LONG as possible, and then take as LITTLE as possible.

I can definitely understand the temptation to end the hell of withdrawal. But remember....you have to go through this at some point or face bigger problems, yes?

Be careful, love.

Peace.
 
I don't think its a setback its more like halftime you know? You get 12 hours to prepare for the rest of the withdrawal. Your actually doing pretty good keep it up!
 
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